Rant #1,871: Daydream Deceiver

Today is an anniversary, of sorts, in my life.

The problem is that I don't know if I should celebrate this day, or cry.

Twenty-one years ago today, on March 28, 1996, I began working in my current place of business.

I was 38 years old, going on 39, had been out of work for three or four months, and had worked at a job where I was making $7 and hour, because that was all I could get.

The guy who hired me at that job said that he didn't want to hire me, because I was over-qualified for the position, and he only hired me because I assured him that I would stay at that job no matter what.

I lied.

When my current job came up, and I interviewed for it, and eventually got the job, I told my employer, and he was none too happy.

Tough tomatoes.

So I started a new chapter in my life 21 years ago today, and I remember the first thing I did was a transcription of some speech.

In those days, we were still using tape, so I had to transcribe using a tape player that had a earphone that went into my ear so I could listen.

Well, I transcribed that speech, and got an ear infection in the process, the first and only one I have ever had in my life.

So began my time at this job.

I was also still delivering newspapers as an adult deliverer, doing it overnight, but after nearly falling asleep twice at my new job, I gave that up exactly one month after beginning my new job.

Looking back, it has been an interesting 21 years.

How I have lasted this long there is a question for the ages, but I somehow have, and I don't question the reasons why anymore.

Was it perhaps that when I signed on here, I was so desperate and they knew it?

I was making $7 an hour at the other job, and at the new job, I was making nothing, too, but at least it was a better nothing than at the previous job.

I give myself credit. I worked hard over the years, and I doubled my salary at this job.

But to bring things to a current perspective, the problem right now is that after spending more than a third of my life at this place, things are falling apart there.

I have not had a raise in 10 years, and one day, I expect the door to be bolted shut, and that will be the end of my time at this place of employment.

The day is certainly coming, whether it is today, tomorrow, next month or next year, but it is hard to ascertain exactly when this will happen, or if I will even be there when it does.

I have given my job search a maximum effort, but it has proven to be among the most frustrating things I have ever done.

I can't get even a bite, and after applying for probably 200 jobs over the past five months, I have nothing, and I mean nothing, to show for it.

Yes, I do get down at times, but the good thing is that even though I don't get a single "benefit" from my current job anymore--no health insurance, no 401K, nothing--I get something that is even bigger than any of those benefits from them ... I get a paycheck every two weeks.

I can't tell you how reassuring that is. If I didn't have that, I would be really sunk, and having been there and done that in the past, I don't ever want to go back there again.

So all in all, while the situation is bad, it is not yet dire, and hopefully, it won't ever get to that point.

I will keep looking, and keep hoping that the next resume I send out hits the bull's eye.

Yes, it might be a daydream, and I might be deceiving myself, but at least I have a job while looking for one.

So, happy 21st anniversary to me ...

I guess.

And don't send any gifts unless you have a new job for me, gift wrapped.

That is truly the thing I am most concerned about right now, getting out of here before my ship hits the iceberg.

And yes, although I don't see light at the end of the tunnel, I do see that iceberg, and it is getting closer by the second.