Rant #2,432: Birthday

Twenty-four years ago today, I became a father for the second time, as my son was born.

As with every birth, the parents don't know what they are in for, and in this case, my wife--a first time mother--and me--a second time father--really were going into unchartered waters, at least for us.

My first child was a daughter, and sons and daughters are just so different, from the moment they are born and as they grow into adults.

I remember that at a little after 12 midnight, his time had come, and when it came, after I cut the umbilical chord and he and his mom had had time to meet each other face to face, I was able to hold him for the first time.

He was tiny--much smaller than my daughter was--but he was a real bundle of joy.

I was so happy that I had a son after having a daughter--no, we did not want to know beforehand, although we kind of knew anyway--that I took my son out of the room he came into this world in, and I was so happy that I did not even realize that I did this.

When the nurse saw me carry this newborn and walk around the hospital floor, she blurted, "Get that G-d kid back into that room!" and it was only then that I realized what I had done.

As our son grew up, we noticed that he was growing into his own personality--he was determined, stubborn and would never stop trying as a little baby, in particular when he wanted to turn over from being on his back, which he never could do no matter how hard he tried.

As he grew into a toddler, we saw that he would grunt, and not speak. He was a good grunter, and also a very good sleeper. He gave us so little trouble as a baby and toddler with sleep that we knew we were blessed with an extraordinary kid. He would wake up to take his bottle as if he had a little alarm clock in him, and once he took his overnight bottle, he would stare directly at the TV--at that time, the local ABC outlet showed reruns of "Gomer Pyle" at that early hour--and then both he and I--I had just come home from my short-term job as an adult newspaper deliverer so I often gave him his early bottle--would both fall asleep.

Then as he got older, he went to nursery school, and we were told by teachers that we should have him checked out. He stayed away from most of the kids in his class, didn't communicate well, and maybe these were warning signs for something else.

We had him tested, and the results were in: they could find no cognitive reason why our son was the way he was. His brain scans were normal, his hearing was normal, his eyesight was normal, everything was where it should be.

And other than being very shy, there was no reason that they could put their finger on as to why our son was like he was, and to this day, we do not know why he is the way he is. He remains very shy, does not blend well with others, and he does not absorb anything without repetition.

He does not have autism. Early on he was labeled as having ADD and ADHG, but he, in all likelihood, hasn't had either one, based on more recent tests he has undergone.

He is a classic case of someone simply being the way they are, and although we have tried, we have come to the realization that this is the way he is.

He could not be pigeonholed in school, so I don't really know what he learned during his entire time in the public schools here. Funny, he was an early reader--like my daughter, he began reading at three years old--but he could not absorb anything he was reading.

To this day, he cannot take a test, even though this forever special education student was forced through New York State's idiotic Common Core program to take the state regents tests several times. Incredibly, he got the same score on each one that he took: 38. How this benefitted him educationally is beyond me.

So he moved through the education system, as the education system will do with someone that they do not know what to do with. He worked hard, graduated high school, and was left with no paths to follow, as no agency that he belonged to could help him find a job.

Even more extraordinary, he had gotten jobs on his own, had worked for a few camps since he was 15 years of age in non-paying and paying capacities, but wherever we went for help, there was none to be had--including at BOCES, which boasts about how they can place skilled workers in jobs at a high rate, but is an organization which both cannot and refuses to help people like our son to find work.

So he found his work on his own, with the hard work of myself, my wife and some outside groups which we did research on.

He has had two regular jobs after high school, and the one he is in now he has been with for about the past four months. These are part time positions, and we hope in the future that they can become full time jobs, making him even more self sufficient.

The current job he got through a stroke of ingenuity and a stroke of luck all mixed into one, and while I won't go into it here, an act of kindness can go a long way.

So, this person--who the educational and medical systems had no idea what to do with and/or could not diagnose--has now been working pretty steadily since he was 15 years old, defying all the odds, or at least the odds that society has put before him.

Yes, he is on medicine to help him focus a bit more. He has been on and off medicine since he was a young kid, but maybe now we have found just the right medicine for him.

Look, he slips up every once in a while, doing things that cannot be explained. He often lacks common sense, and a sense of self.

But he is on the right road now. He has defied all odds--I don't even want to get into what a supposed school-recommended psychologist had to say about him early on--and is becoming a responsible adult.

My wife and I are so proud of him, where he started, the roads that he has taken, and where he is now.

We truly believe the sky is the limit for this guy. He is smart, resilient, and if given the chance, can easily prove that he is a really good person.

Sometimes society has its own definition of smart, and our son does not fit into that definition at all. But the one thing I have learned since he was born is that there are different definitions of being smart and what that word really means, and it is not a cookie cutter meaning that one can use to define what being smart is.

He is really smart in his own way, whether society can handle that or not.

He is a great guy, and my wife and I are crazy about our son.

We think he is a great guy, an evolving person who is only going to get better with time and experience.

So happy 24th birthday to our son (the guy in the middle of the photo, with his glasses on), the love of our lives.

He has opened our eyes about so many things, and we can't wait to see what the future brings him.

Have a great weekend, and we will speak again on Monday.