Classic Rant #1,071 (October 25, 2013): You Are What You Eat

Food is the bane of my existence.

I love to eat, and although I am a picky eater, I just love to eat the things that I love to eat.

Here is my horoscope for today. I usually don't pay much credence to things like this, but I just found that it is a pretty interesting one.

"It's a good time to gather around a meal. It can be at home with family or out with colleagues, but you're at your best combining the social with the earthy. Enjoy -- and leave a generous tip!"

I have to work today, and I won't be going out to eat when I get home.

My wife, if she is home from her work, usually makes me dinner.

She is an excellent cook, but she also knows that I love certain things, and hate others.

I do not like chicken, so she doesn't make me chicken.

I love hamburgers and hot dogs, so I have either one at least once a week.

I also love things like meat loaf, pasta, meatballs, fish, stuff like that, so she has those things for me when I get home from work.

On days where she has to work late, I have to fend for myself, which is fine with me.

I usually have some frozen entree ready to go, and I love to make myself pizza.

It is fun to cook for myself, but honestly, I am happy that my wife does 99 percent of the cooking in the house.

I am a slob and the stuff gets all over the place when I cook.

On Saturday, I go out and buy my family and I dinner.

Honestly, it is a lot of fast food and stuff like that.

My wife loves salads, so I go out to the local pizza place and get her a salad.

She watches what she eats to the nth degree, and you can tell if you see her that she does that.

She looks smashing, and has a great figure.

Me, I look smashed and my figures are "ferklempt," if you know what I mean.

My son is as skinny as a rail, so at least right now, he is like a walking, talking pencil, and he eats just about anything and everything.

Oh, to be a teenager again!

Anyway, I love to eat, and I love to eat so much that I look past a full day of work, wondering what my wife will be preparing tonight.

Last night it was turkey cutlets ... tonight, who knows?

But I can already taste it ...