Rant #2,431: Hats Off To Larry

I really love my name.

"Larry" is a great, All-American name, and to me at least, it is better than Tom, Dick or Harry.

It is a variation on "Lawrence," of course, also my name and a name that I never really liked.

You call me "Larry," and you immediately get my attention.

You call me "Lawrence," well, you might get my attention, but I simply won't respond with the same verve as if you called me "Larry."

People with the name of Larry--and again, it is "Larry," not the female variation of "Lari" that I only know to exist because a past Playboy centerfold had that name--have to stick together, so I thought I would report on some people named "Larry" who are in the news.

So today, the blog will be subtitled :The Tale of Three Larrys,"

One is commentator Larry King, who we just found out is very unlucky in marriage, as he has just filed for a divorce from his seventh wife after 22 years of marriage.

This has been a rocky marriage to begin with, and it is not the first time the 85 year old King has filed from divorce from this particular wife, who is about 30 years younger than him.

And once again, it has to do with infidelity, as this time as with the last time, King has accused her of sleeping around, having affairs and doing things that you don't do if you are married.

I mean c'mon Larry, what did you expect? This is a prime reason why an altacocka like King should never marry someone who is a fraction of that person's age. I mean, when they were married, he was 63, she was in her late 20s or early 30s.

Maybe she thought he would leave her a lot of money once he left this earth, but through numerous health scares, King proved that he wasn't going anywhere soon. Heck, they even tied the knot while he was in a hospital room, just a few days before King was to have surgery to clear a clogged blood vessel. I wonder that when he came out of surgery, she thought, "Darn!" and figured that she would wait the whole thing out.

I mean, they did have two kids in the interim, but the term "golddigger" might apply to this woman, and to King, well, he was certainly looking for love in all the wrong places.

To go over his marriage history would be a waste of space, but he did marry one of his divorced wives twice. When will he ever learn?

Now we have a very different story involving another Larry.

Larry Bird was undoubtedly one of the greatest basketball players of all time. His period with the Boston Celtics brought him stardom, the team championships, and he became one of the most recognizable people on the planet for a time.

And he did it all without brandishing not a single tattoo on his body.

Sure, he had scars and cuts and bumps like we all have, but no tattoos.

That is why the Indiana native was repulsed when he found out a street artist had put up a mural of him in Indiana but included tattoos all over his body, including on his face.

Upon hearing of this and actually seeing the mural, he politely asked the street artist to remove the tattoos. He said that it is not him, not who he is, and he would like them to be removed.

The street artist replied that this was simply her interpretation of him, and that it would be difficult to keep the essence of the painting if she removed all the tattoos.

Bird was adamant. Yes, 95 percent of all NBA players today have tattoos, but they were less prominent back when he played than they are today, in the NBA and in society, He wanted them removed, and even got his lawyers involved.

Well, they finally came to a compromise, and one tattoo will remain: a large Indiana on his left forearm, and the street artist's tag will also be moved from Bird's body, but will be elsewhere on the mural.

Again, millennials have no sense of history, want to change it all to suit themselves, but when it hits someone of the stature of Larry Bird, and he demands that the changes made to his body be removed, I guess people listen.

I guess also that compromise is a good tool, too, something we should all recognize.

Now we have the third Larry of this piece, which is me.

I told you yesterday that I was having trouble with one of those ancestry companies, which could not get a clear DNA reading from my saliva, not once, but twice.

They finally contacted me about my problem, and gave me some tips to give them saliva that will work. I have not yet received my latest kit in the mail, but when I do, I will follow their recommendations to the letter, and see what happens.

Funny, I could have sworn that I followed their recommendations before, but whatever the case, I am willing to give it a third shot--but it that does not work, I told them flat out that I wanted my money back.

They did not respond to that, but let's hope it doesn't come to that.

So there you have it.

Larrys are good people, but we often get into circumstance that are somewhat beyond out control.

Hopefully, Larry King, Larry Bird and I will work out these problems, and move on.

So yes, "Hat's Off To Larry," and hopefully, these things will all work themselves out.

And don't call me Lawrence.