As we move closer to 2020, people are jumping into the presidential race at an alarming rate.
As the Democrat's debates are ready to begin, there must be about two dozen politicians who truly believe that they have what it takes to unseat Donald Trump as our president, and bring the top spot to the Dems once again.
You have everybody from former vice president Joe Biden to New York City mayor Bill deBlasio, all of whom believe that they would fit well as our president.
Personally, I think that one of these candidates is worse than the other, and none of them have the necessary chutzpah to unseat President Trump, but I do know two perpetual candidates that might just be the best choices for the commander in chief.
First, we have Alvin. You remember him. He was the leader of the Chipmunks, along with Simon and Theodore, all chipmunks with that funny voice that have been entertaining us in cartoon form--and in a few movies--for the past 60 years.
Their real leader was David Seville, their human mentor, who was really Ross Bagdasarian in real life, the guy who discovered that if you could speed up voices, you could make cartoon characters sound like ... err ... chipmunks, or at least what chipmunks might sound like if they spoke English.
Anyway, if you remember the cartoon series, the three Chipmunks always got in trouble for doing one thing or another, and David Seville was always there to bail them out.
But they hit it big as recording artists, and their "Christmas Song," in particular, demonstrated that even though they always got in trouble, their singing was a salvation for them.
In 1960, David Seville and the Chipmunks decided to get political, in a funny way, and they released "Alvin For President."
And here, from the Metrolyrics site (http://www.metrolyrics.com/alvin-for-president-lyrics-the-chipmunks.html), are the song's lyrics, which I do not own, do not have rights to, but put here for the fun of it:
"[Alvin, speaking]
And further more, my dear friends, what this country needs is a great leader! Me! I promise you TWO bicycles in every garage, four Christmases every year and...
[Dave, speaking over Alvin]
Hey Simon, Theodore, what's he doing?
[Simon, speaking]
He's running for President.
[Theodore, speaking]
(Laughs) Yeah, President.
[Dave, speaking]
Really? Well isn't that *gibberish* PRESIDENT?
[Alvin, speaking]
Did you call me?
[Dave, speaking]
Alvin, you can't be President.
[Alvin, speaking]
Why?
[Dave, speaking]
Well, because you're too young, and-
[Alvin, speaking]
In addition, when I'm president...
[Dave, cutting him off]
Alvin be quiet and sing our new song. Now here are the words.
"It's nice,"
[Chipmunks]
It's nice,
[Dave, Speaking]
"It's good,"
[Chipmunks]
It's good.
[Dave, speaking]
"When you live like you should,"
[Chipmunks]
When you live like you should,
[Dave, Speaking]
"In peaceful harmony"
[Chipmunks]
In peaceful harmony,
[Dave, speaking]
"Take our,"
[Chipmunks]
Take our,
[Dave, speaking]
"Advice,"
[Chipmunks]
Advice,
[Dave, speaking]
"The way we live is nice,"
[Chipmunks]
The way we live is nice,
[Dave, speaking]
"In peaceful harmony"
[Alvin]
I hope you vote for me!
[Dave, speaking]
Now quit that, quit it.
"We're so,"
[Chipmunks]
We're so,
[Dave, speaking
"Polite,"
[Chipmunks]
Polite,
[Dave, speaking]
"We hardly ever fight,"
[Chipmunks]
We hardly ever fight,
[Dave, speaking]
"We live in harmony,"
[Chipmunks]
We live in harmony,
[Dave, speaking]
That's better.
"Don't care if we live in a tent,"
[Chipmunks]
Don't care if we live in a tent,
[Dave, speaking]
"Just as long as we pay the rent,"
[Chipmunks]
Just as long as-
[Alvin, interrupting]
I'm your president!
[Dave, speaking]
"It's nice,"
[Chipmunks]
It's nice,
[Dave, speaking]
"It's good,"
[Chipmunks]
It's good,
[Dave, speaking]
"When you live like you should,"
[Chipmunks]
When you live like you should,
[Dave, speaking]
"In peaceful harmony,"
[Alvin]
In Washington, D.C!
[Dave, speaking]
Stop changing the words!
[Alvin, speaking]
And with me in the White House-
[Dave, shouting]
ALVIN!
[Alvin, speaking]
And, another thing, dear friends. Why shouldn't we have a penny ice cream cone?
[Theodore, speaking]
Uh, I don't know!
[Alvin, speaking]
Theodore, you can be my campaign manager.
[Theodore, speaking]
(laughs) Oh boy, your honor!
[Alvin, speaking]
And Simon, I believe I'll make you vice-president!
[Simon, speaking]
Why not!
[Dave, speaking]
Mr. President, will you and your cabinet kindly sing?
[Chipmunks]
We don't care if we live in a tent,
Just as long as Alvin's President!
[Alvin, speaking]
That's me!
[Simon and Theodore]
He's nice,
He's good,
Send Alvin,
Yes you should,
To Washington D.C!
[Alvin, speaking]
And in conclusion, dear friends,
[Dave, speaking]
Alvin, will you...
[Alvin, speaking]
I am certain you will elect me the next President of the United States of America!
[Simon and Theodore, cheering till fade-out]
We want Alvin!
We want Alvin!
We want Alvin!
We want Alvin!"
You remember the Royal Guardsmen. They put cartoonist Charles Schulz's Snoopy on the rock and roll map with a number of songs that became hits, including "Snoopy vs. The Red Baron" and my personal favorite rock Christmas song, "Snoopy's Christmas."
Heck, Schulz even sued them for using the character without his permission, but when he saw the money that was being made by the hits featuring Snoopy, he came to an agreement with the band, and they could record Snoopy songs into perpetuity as long as he got a cut of the pie.
But during the very presidential year of 1968, the band went political, in a funny way, and released "Snoopy For President." From the Lyricsfreak site (https://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/the+royal+guardsmen/snoopy+for+president_20855267.html) are the song's lyrics, which I do not own, do not have rights to, but put here for the fun of it:
The time had come to elect a President
And all the famous candidates thought they were heaven-sent
They screamed and raved and pounded their hands above their hearts
But soon the noble promises were hard to tell apart
Waiting at the pumpkin patch, a dog sincere and brave
And everybody hoped that soon the country he would save
The pumpkin said "The day has come for you to take a stand"
"For love has left the people across our native land"
Some wear the sign of the elephant and some wear the sign of the mule
But we'll hold the sign of the beagle high and love will shine right through
All the politicians, they swore he couldn't win
But Snoopy only shook his head and flashed his famous grin
He jumped into his faithful friend, the Sopwith Camel plane
And bounced around the countryside from Washington to Maine
[Brief sound effect-airplane zooming]
Some wear the sign of the elephant and some wear the sign of the mule
But we'll hold the sign of the beagle high and love will shine right through
New York State was lookin' bad till Snoopy made a speech
Soon Illinois and Tennessee were both within his reach
He won the vote in Oregon but time was growin' thin
And back at the convention hall, the votes were pourin' in
Snoopy smiled his way into the hearts of everyone
But when the votes were counted up, they found he needed one
The winning vote for Snoopy came when a stranger raised his hand
Snoopy turned, the stranger spoke [voice of the Red Baron] "Mein friend, vee meet again!"
Some wear the sign of the elephant and some wear the sign of the mule
[Chorus finishes against a background of a speaker announcing "Introducing... the next President... of the United States of America!"]
[Chorus repeats and fades against a background of applaus]
Well, this didn't do much better on the charts, only reaching No. 85, so I guess people didn't vote for this tune, either.
But I put it to you: is it Alvin or is it Snoopy?
You can hear the Alvin tune on YouTube at https://youtu.be/T54ohJRgD9c and the Snoopy tune at https://youtu.be/QddHVitk7KA, so you can really decide for yourself who you would choose to lead this country.
And don't forget to vote! It is your patriotic duty.
And we believe in inclusion and diversity here ... is it going to be a chipmunk or a dog?
You have the power to decide!
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