Classic Rant #1,038 (September 10, 2013: Male Chauvinist Pig

Yes, I admit that I am a male chauvinist pig, and I am proud of it.

I like to look at beautiful women, just like most guys, even if they won't admit it.

When a beautiful woman crosses my path, I admit, I do give a look.

Not stare, that would be rude. But I do give a look.

Most of the world's so-called beauties are actresses and/or models, or at least that is what they tell us.

They are the standard of beauty, the standard by which we compare so-called common folk.

Every generation has its beautiful women, and this generation does too.

The problem with this generation's beauties, in my eye, is that they flaunt what God gave them a bit too much.

And if God didn't give it to them, well, they have the cash to go out and get it.

I prefer yesterday's beauties, those that were generally born with it, had it, used it to their advantage, and for the most part, still have it.

Let's see ...

How about Sophia Loren? The woman is old enough to be even my grandmother, but boy, is she one of the most beautiful women you ever saw or what?

Then you have Ann-Margret. We share a birthday (date, not year), but boy, she is so much better looking than I am that it is incredible that this person even walks the same earth as I do.

How about Barbara Eden? She can still fit into her Jeannie costume, and she seems to never age. I guess she has good genes.

And how about Annette Funicello? She left us several months ago, but when she was alive and well, she was probably the most understated beauty on the planet. She never flaunted anything, but boy, did she have it!

And then, we come to the two most beautiful women on the planet, bar none.

One is my mom. She is one of the world's greatest women, because she has put up with me for the past 56 years, and my father for even more than that.

And then, the top female beauty in the world: my wife. Not only has she put up with me for the past 20-plus years, but she seems to get more beautiful as we grow older together.

I know you're saying, "He's just saying that to protect himself," but no, I do believe that those two ladies are at the top, I really do.

Take that, Jennifer Aniston and Lindsay Lohan. Yes, you are beauties, too, but you have nothing on the ladies that I have named, especially the last two.

Yes, I am a male chauvinist pig, and I am proud of it.