Classic Rant #990 (June 25, 2013): Fortune Tellers

Do you read your horoscope each and every day?

Do you hang on what it says, reading every word as if it was the word from God?

I don't, never have, never will, but I do find them to be somewhat amusing.

The words used often have expanded meanings, especially in describing your own personal day.

Like the words "you will find wealth on this day" could apply if you found a lone penny on the floor.

With heads turned up, of course.

Some people go to those who draw up their own personal horoscopes, and spend good money to have them done.

But most people at least glance at their horoscope daily, once only in their local newspapers, but now, with the Internet, they look at their horoscopes while surfing the Web.

Here is my horoscope for today, courtesy of Yahoo:

"You need to police someone who is out of line -- though it may take all your energy to keep them from causing any serious problems. Things are still okay, but you can make them better."

I have no idea at all what this actually means.

Is someone going to cross the line at work, where I will be for nearly 11 hours today?

Is someone going to act stupid on the road, and they will have to be put in their place?

Is someone in my own family going to go belligerent on me, and I will have to knock them down a notch?

How are these horoscopes drawn up anyway?

And how can it only apply to me, because I am sure there a millions of people getting the same exact horoscope because they were born in my general age and date vicinity (April 28, 1957)?

Maybe it is because I am a Taurus, but I am also a Doubting Thomas.

I never trusted these things at all, and still don't.

I glance at them on occasion, like I did today, but I don't put too much credence in them.

On a parallel topic, one time at a street fair I actually went to a fortune teller--or someone who was advertising that she was a fortune teller--to see what my future was.

She said I would have some bad times and good times, and she looked at the palm of my hand and said that my life line was quite long, actually going from my palm to my arm, so I would have a long, long life.

Very convenient to say, and very easy to say.

I gave her my five dollars and split.

All of this is nonsense, but if it puts people at ease, then I guess it is harmless fun.

Unless you run your lives by these things. Then, quite frankly, I think you need medical attention.

Let's see how my horoscope works out today.

But you can bet that it will somehow work into my day today in strange and mysterious ways.

If it's anything out of the ordinary, I promise, I will report back to you.

But I am not expecting anything crazy, I'm really not.