Classic Rant #975 (June 3, 2013): "Shorts" Story

This was a very nice weekend, a very nice weekend in the Northeast and in my neck of the woods.

Other places were suffering this weekend. Certainly, Oklahomans have had to put up with some incredible weather, and it isn't even officially summer.

The devastation over there has been incredible, to say the least. And to get hit twice within literally a few days with tornadoes that obliterated towns is something that really is astonishing, showing the full foce of Mother Nature.

But here where I am, we had a pre-summer heat wave the past few days, ending today, and for the first time this year--other than when my family went on a cruise in February--we were able to wear shorts.

With the temperatures in the high 80s and early 90s, I couldn't wait to break out my cutoffs. I certainly couldn't do it at work, in the early stages of the heat wave--but once Saturday came, it was shorts, and nothing but shorts.

I have found that the style today among many people is to break out the shorts in March, and pretty much wear them until October or November.

Why this phenomena has occurred is anyone's guess, but I swear, I see people wearing winter jackets and shorts in March.

Crazy, yes!

Shorts are made for the hot weather, perfect to cool you off in situations where you can't go swimming. And this was one of those weekends.

We had two barbecues to go to: one at my wife's brother's house, the other at my sister's house. And with weather as pleasant as it was, the long pants stayed in the drawer and the shorts came out.

I generally wear dungaree shorts. I kind of prefer them. Yes, they are a little bit heavier in fabric, but they provide a snugger fit, for some reason.

We had a good time at the two barbecues, but I remember one time when wearing shorts didn't benefit me at all.

I was a real little kid, probably about four or five years old. We lived in Kew Gardens Hills, Queens, New York at this time in my life.

I went outside with my shorts on, and no one was around. My friends for whatever reason weren't outside, so it must have been pretty early in the day.

In the backyard of our apartment building was a small playground, with the usual slide, hopscotch, swings ... a typical backyard.

But there was also a see-saw. You remember those, one kid sits on one side and another kid sits on the other side, and you go up and down, up and down.

Anyway, for whatever reason, I wanted to see if I could get the seesaw going myself.

I hopped on, little me with my shorts on, and I don't exactly remember what happened, but I somehow got on, started the motion, and fell right off while I was in the air.

I had a bruise on my knee that was bleeding all over the place. I ran upstairs, crying my eyes out, my mother was horrified, she put something on it, and that bruise became a scab that was so thick that it probably took a good month to go away, if not more than that.

It was an ugly blackish scab. I will never forget that scab. It was thick and must have been the size of a half dollar coin. Perhaps if I was wearing long pants, it wouldn't have been so bad, or maybe I would have just torn away the pants, and nothing would have happened.

Miraculously, I don't have a scar from that bruise, but suffice it to say, I didn't go on a see-saw for years afterward, and certainly not alone.

I learned my lesson.

But this weekend, I was very happy to wear shorts, and I stayed away from see-saws.

The barbecues were great, we had nice times at both, and now it is the beginning of work week ... and it is raining cats and dogs.

And no more shorts--long pants are "in" this week, and what's more, the weather is supposed to be 15 to 20 degrees cooler this week than it was at the end of last week into yesterday.

So the shorts go back in the drawer, but hopefully not for long.

To me, wearing shorts equates to the summer being here, and even though it is early for the summer right now, the sustained warmer weather is clearly on its way.

And summer means fun, vacations and more barbecues.

And the ladies look grand in short shorts, don't they?

I can't wait, and that is the long and "shorts" of it.