Rant #2,201: Everybody Loves a Klown

Yes, I overslept again.

This time I have a more valid, understandable reason.

Right after a busy day of work, I had to take my son to an activity, and we did not get home until about 8 p.m., and by 8:30, I was toast.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with what I am going to talk about here today.

I am going to talk about The Klowns.

No, not the Beatles, although those involved in this short-lived project were probably hoping that their creation could at least have had at least a pinch of the success that the Beatles had, but it simply did not work out.

By the late 1960s, the still relatively new technology called television had proven that it could sell just about anything to the American public, everything from cigarettes to deodorant.

First with the Chipmunks and Ricky Nelson, television had also proven that it could sell music, and those acts sold millions of records as far back as the late 1950s and early 1960s, and a lot of it had to do with constant TV exposure.

And American Bandstand also helped sell records, as did its regional and national copycat shows, such as Upbeat, Hullaballo, Shindig, the Clay Cole Show, the Lloyd Thaxton Show, and the like.

ABC, hot on the heels of American Banstand, extended the reach of that show with its own spinoffs, Where the Action Is and later, the Happening shows, all featuring Paul Revere and the Raiders, who, with their very visual style and teenybopper appeal, sold millions of records via constant TV exposure.

And then came the Monkees, who not only sold millions of records, but became perhaps the biggest rock stars on the planet via a pretty much perfectly orchestrated program to sell records to those who were too young to fully embrace the Beatles' move into more adult, psychedelic offerings.

When the Monkees were done, their successors were found in the Partridge Family, or more directly, David Cassidy, who took over from Davy Jones as the No. 1 heartthrob on the planet, although he was closely pursued by a similar singer whose TV exposure also helped catapult him to super stardom after many years of trying--Bobby Sherman.

In the late 1960s, Cassidy and Sherman were neck and neck with good looks and hit records, and enterprising producers were wondering where the next TV-driven hits were going to come from.

Cartoons had all of a sudden produced a number of hit singles, with the Archies leading the way, but like the Chipmunks a decade earlier, they weren't real, and with Cassidy and Sherman leading the way, real TV rock stars were needed.

ABC, the long-time home of American Bandstand, along with the Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey Circus, came up with a musical concept called the Klowns, a six-person rock and roll band of male and female clowns who not only made kids laugh, but they sang too.

The Klowns were featured in their own TV special in November 1970, with the release of a 12-song album, and later, a few singles.

The special was aired near Thanksgiving, and featured the Klowns doing what TV rock stars do best, running around, doing not much of anything, and singing all the while.

ABC had very high hopes for the show and the concept. Not only did the special feature Sammy Davis Jr. and Jerry Lewis, but the musical side of things was handled by Jeff Barry, long-time producer, singer and songwriter who was coming off great success with acts like the Monkees and Andy Kim.

With all the elements in place, the special aired on November 15, 1970 ... and laid one of the biggest eggs in television history to that point in time.

The Klowns were actually not nice looking, but pretty garish in makeup and stature. The music was pretty bad--Jeff Barry on a really bad day--and kids simply could not connect with the act, which literally looked like clowns on steroids (or amphetamines during that period of time).

The show aired, and was forgotten very quickly. The album tanked, but one of the two singles released under the Klowns name--"Lady Love"--actually made it to Billboard's Hot 100 a few weeks later, getting all the way up to No. 95.

And that was that for the Klowns. Another single was released, never charted, and they were never heard from again.

Today, the Klowns stand as one of the biggest bombs ever on network TV, but the show did introduce the world to actor Barry Bostwick, who was the tallest one of the Klowns, and looked like Lurch with makeup on.

Of course, the Klowns is but a footnote to his long career. He later starred in numerous TV, stage and movie projects, including "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," which the Klowns was probably a good training ground for.

Doing a bit of research myself, it appears that no one knows who the other five Klowns were, or at least nearly 50 years later, no one has any idea who they were.

The makeup doesn't help, and the scarcity of the special--try finding it, even a clip of it--doesn't help matters.

It wasn't the only such TV special to try to launch another TV rock act. Some might remember Toomorrow, another sophomoric offering which gave the world Olivia Newton-John.

But the Klowns is the one that had everything going for it, yet couldn't make much of a splash with anyone.

I finally found the LP at my local used record store--it evidently has never been released on legitimate CD--and I found it to be as bland as white bread.

The songs are pretty much standard for the time, the music kind of rubs noses with the bubblegum sound, and "Lady Love" isn't a terrible tune, but the vocals are really bad.

I guess Jeff Barry is to blame. He hit lightning in a bottle with the Monkees, but lightning usually doesn't hit the same place twice, and boy, did he bomb with the Klowns!

Anyway, I would love to find out more about this act from anybody. They were dually promoted by the circus--did they ever appear live? How were they promoted? Where can I see the special again--yes, I did watch it way back when, and completely forgot about it until I saw the album, with its horrible cover and even more horrible foldout, which makes Killer Klowns of Outer Space look like Mother Teresa.

Anyway, even with the circus gone for good--who would have thought that in 1970?--the Klowns exist as merely a footnote on the promotion of rock music on American television.

Heck, bring me the Archies, bring me the Chan Clan, the Groovy Ghoulies, even Josie and the Pussycats--but no more Klowns!

I have had enough.