Rant #2,111: Reeling In the Years

Tomorrow, on March 28, I will celebrate my 22nd anniversary at my current place of work.

I guess that "celebrate" is the operative word, because I am celebrating as if I was going to "celebrate" having a root canal.

But I look at myself as something of a survivor.

I have worked with dozens of people at this job that are no longer with us, figuratively and literally, that I truly have to look at myself as a survivor in this place.

Over the past 22 years, since 1996, we have had the usual comings and goings that every place of business experiences.

We have also had accidents, suicides and other events that have robbed us of various co-workers.

Even the Big Boss has left us, through natural causes, and it is safe to say that whatever my feelings about him--they were not good (this was the guy who suggested firing me when I couldn't get off of jury duty a few years ago, among other things)--the place has never been the same since he left us.

I don't hate my job--in fact I never have--I just dislike the circumstances that surround the place I work in, and the constant uncertainty about what is going to happen in a day, a month, a year, and even from moment to moment.

Look, I know I am in a dead field--print journalism--and that I am considered to be an older worker, but the lack of movement in my job search thoroughly depresses me, and makes me think that somebody up there has another plan for me, and it isn't going into a new position, that's for sure.

I have had exactly one real face-to-face job interview in a year and a half of looking for a new position. I have had a handful of phone interviews.

I have also been led up several dead ends, been lied to by potential employers, and I have also pretty much been ignored by the at least 300--and counting--jobs that I have applied for.

I don't want anyone to break out the violins, but when you experience this type of rejection, you really have to wonder about things, and you have to wonder about your future.

This past week, Social Security sent me its review of my work history, which comes periodically and which I am sure if you are a certain age, have yourself received in the mail from time to time like I have.

It reviews your work history and tells you how much you can get from Social Security if you retire now or retire at the prime retirement age.

In either case, I would be getting from Social Security such a pittance that I could not retire entirely, even if I am forced to retire from the regular work force because I simply cannot get a regular, full-time job after the one I have inevitably ends.

Even adding in what my wife would get, it would be pretty hard to make ends meet if we both retired entirely.

Our son already gets Social Security because of his disability, but even when you add that in, there isn't much to go on.

Yes, we have some IRAs that we can use, but how long are those going to last in the real world that we live in?

There seem to be a lot of freelance, off the books and part-time jobs available in my field, but then again, there also seem to be plenty of jobs available in my field too--but they seem to be closed off to those of my age, background and experience, so who knows if I could even get something like a freelance job to keep things at least near what they are now?

So right now, 22 years into this job and one month away from turning 61 years of age, I am a bit down, and certainly not in a celebratory mood.

Work has become drudgery, something I have to do before I do other things during my day, including going to doctors left and right.

That is why I am writing this today, and not on the actual anniversary tomorrow, because I have a morning doctor's appointment and for once, I am going to sleep a little later in the morning before I go.

And after that, it is back to work.

I have been told by some that early retirement is not quite the negative that others say that it is; it takes the stress off of life, gives you time to do what you want to do for the remainder of your days here, and that even though your cash flow is less, with certain adjustments, you can survive.

And if you buy into Social Security now, you might be dodging a bullet by doing it early, because the rumors about the future of Social Security persist, especially as Baby Boomers move on with their lives.

But I simply cannot foresee myself retired at such an early age--what am I going to do about health insurance, for one? I know that the government can also assist with that, but it still makes me uneasy even thinking about it.

So again, do not break out the violins. I am gainfully employed right now, the end is in sight but not quite here yet, and quite frankly, I am much better off than others who have lost their jobs and been out of work not days, not months, but for years.

I still have somewhere to go during weekday mornings, and my wife and son, and for that matter, my daughter, are all gainfully employed.

But I shiver thinking of the future.

I would like to retire on my own terms, I would like to leave this place before they go belly up on my own terms, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.

So my 22nd anniversary here is not a cause for celebration; it is a cause for fear, because there almost certainly won't be a 23rd anniversary here, one way or the other.

And away we gooooooooooooooo!

(There will be no column tomorrow, and we will next speak on Thursday.)