Rant #1,643: April Fools!

I guess you can call me an "April Fool" because I was born on the 28th day of this month, but today, April 1, just happens to be April Fools' Day.

Last year, I said that I was giving up this column, and a lot of people called me on it, saying I was pulling their leg.

And all of these posts later, they were right.

I was just "funning" them.

I am here to stay.

What to do this year?

Well, today I am leaving work early, and going to a New York Knicks game held this evening at Madison Square Garden, which I will be attending with my son.

Yes, you can call me a real "April Fool," because actually paying money to see this team play is like taking my dead presidents and throwing them out the window.

Somebody catches those pieces of paper and benefits from them, but me, if they play like they have been playing this season, I will be out the money and kicking myself for spending it like this.

So just let's say I am asking you to pray for me, and if not for me, pray for my son.

He needs to see the Knicks win a game in person.

And yes, we are basically sitting in the last seat in the last row to see this, because that is all I could afford right now, but we will be there, and hopefully, see a good game.

So maybe I won't be an "April Fool" after all, although I probably am, anyway, for spending good, hard earned cash on this team.

But I do like to go to games in person, and honestly, I do it for my son--just like my own father did it for me way back when.

If my son had his way, we would have season tickets to the Knicks, and the Yankees, and go every day to see a game.

But the reality is that it is so expensive that even if we had the money, I doubt we would do it.

That kind of "April Fool" I am not, penniless or rich or somewhere in between.

So this year, I am not going to tell you that I won't be writing this column again, because I pulled that ruse last year.

I won't tell you that I found out, from "sources," of course, that a new candidate has emerged in the presidential race, and that person is ... how about me?

No, I won't tell you that, because it isn't true and I don't think you would fall for that, although it is true that a couple of times in the past, I did vote for myself for president (check the records, if there are any, of write-in votes through the years).

I won't tell you that I have, doing extensive research, found the cure for the common cold, because even if I did do this, it probably would not work on me, because I have allergies and I am immune to any man-made remedy for this affliction.

Nor would I tell you that I was abandoning contact lenses for glasses, because I have worn glasses since the age of four, and the prospect of sticking things in my eye makes me nauseous.

So, I told you the truth this year, that I was taking off early from work to go to a Knicks game with my son, and I hope that you believe me.

It is true. I swear to it. What did we used to say, "cross my heart and hope to die."

And that comes from this nice Jewish boy, so it has to be true.

Speak to you on Monday.

And to steal one from Lily Tomlin, "And that's the truth ... BLEHH!"