Classic Rant #114 (October 17, 2009): And the Balloon Has Burst …

I know that by now you have heard about the story of the “balloon boy,” who supposedly stowed away on an errant balloon that he supposedly released into the skies last week. His family showed major concern for the safety of the child, an all-out panic ensued, and it ended up that not only wasn’t the six-year-old in the air with the balloon, but he was safe at home as a participant in an elaborate scam that involved his parents trying to pitch an idea for a reality show, and using this incident to interest parties who could make their dream come true.

I will not use the family’s name, because they don’t need any more publicity. The parents are extremely sick people, and perhaps they need the book thrown at them for these two idiots to understand that involving a child in your scheme for fame is not the right thing to do.

These dummies have been courted by the broadcast networks before, and the networks should be ashamed of themselves for doing this. I believe the family was on a network reality show where parents from one family are “swapped” temporarily for parents from another family, and the network cameras record all the fun and hilarity and panic that ensues from such a swap.

How much fun this is! I guess I could kick myself for missing this show.

Anyway, the parents call themselves amateur storm chasers, and I have read that the father believes that there are skeletal remains of human beings on Mars.

Yes, this is the type of person the networks should be courting, shouldn’t they?

For their latest escapade, the Heenes (oops, I did say their name after all) should be prosecuted to the highest extent that the law allows. I don’t know if they realize this, but it costs money to send out a manhunt like the one that was used to find their “missing” child. People are diverted from their normal routines. Law enforcement is tasked to find this child.

All of this is not free.

Throw the book at these two idiots. And yes, that includes removing the children—in addition to the balloon boy, I believe there are a couple of other kids, all relatively young—from the parents authority, at least for a short time, and have Child Protective Services keep an eye on this family for years to come.

Anyone who decides to sacrifice their child for the goal of becoming a “reality TV star” is not a parent. Sure, they can have kids, but I wouldn’t call them parents.

The best thing about this whole scam is that the balloon boy basically spilled the beans on national TV before throwing up a few times.

Heck, the kid is six years old. I think George Washington is looking down on him with a broad smile on his face.