Rant #2,412: Hair

Continuing the verve from yesterday's Rant, you can watch horse racing in New York State, but you still can't go to your local barber and beautician to get a haircut.

Various horse racing events are now on the calendar since the ban on the sport has been lifted, but you still can't get sheared in your local shop.

In fact, the Belmont Stakes--one of the crown jewels of horse racing--has been rescheduled--of course with no fans in the stands--but if you want to go for a buzz cut at your local barber shop, right now, you are completely out of luck.

It almost makes me wish that I were Mr. Ed, because not only will the horse we available for racing--which brings in tremendous tax money to New York, of course--but he will be groomed, too, unlike humans, who have hair growing every which way on their heads right now.

But you know what they say ... "A horse is a horse, of course, of course ... ."

So what is a mere peon like you and I to do if we are starting to look like the wild man (or woman) of Borneo with our hair?

It's who you know, as usual.

Many hairdressers who are on furlough or who have lost their jobs are turning to home haircuts to circumvent unemployment, and yesterday, my mother called in a favor, and it turned out to be a hirsute one at that.

She has been using the same hairdresser for decades, and yesterday, my mother looked herself in the mirror and probably said while looking at her hair, "I have had enough of this."

So she called her beautician of long standing, a woman who has become a friend of my mother over the decades of cutting her hair. She knows all about my mother, all about my father, all about my mom's kids and grandkids and likes and dislikes.

And she called in a marker of having used this woman for decades to cut her hair. "Would you be able to come over and cut my hair?" she asked her/

And the beautician obliged.

Not only that, but she told my mother that anyone who wanted a haircut in the family would be eligible for her talents, so the woman came to our house, and sheared us all (except for my father, who was sleeping and declined the invitation).

She wore a mask, we all wore a mask, and the haircutting was done in my mother's kitchen. Hair was picked up and discarded form the floor after each person's cut was done.

We all agreed on a price, we paid the woman for her efforts, and within due time, she was gone.

And we all had brand new haircuts.

Is this the wave of the future?

The beautician told us that she had spoken to the owner of the shop she works in, and various plans are in place when the shop reopens, whenever that is.

She will be working in shifts, the store will only be open a certain amount of hours, etc.

But in the meantime, this woman has no way of making any income, nothing is coming into her bank account, so she has done these in-home haircuts on a limited basis to try to stay afloat.

And in a state where sports are more important than local businesses, can you blame her for doing so?

So even I, with the bald head that I have, have circumvented the getting-to-Paul-Simon's-look-of-the-early-1970s, and I now have a haircut that could last me another two-and-a-half months, or whatever time period it was since I last got a haircut.

My wife looks great, as she always does, but now she doesn't have to fuss that he hair is growing out in every direction.

My son looks even handsomer than he is, and since he last got a haircut when I did, it was high time to get another one.

And my mother looks like her old self, as charming looking as ever at 89 years of age.

My father ... well, he missed the boat here, but my mother has to pick her battles with him, and she just wasn't going to add this to her battle list yesterday.

So, people, that is the way to go now with your hair if you live in New York State or other areas where you can't just walk into your local haircutter and get sheared.

Funny, I looked on a local website dedicated to the area I live in, and several barbers and beauticians are offering such services to those who want to get a haircut, so it should not be difficult to find someone if you really want to get sheared.

Finally, thanks to my mother, who came up with the idea.

Hats off to her ...

And when I pull off my hat, I will show the world a brand new haircut!