Classic Rant #1,263 (August 6, 2014): Black and White and "Red" All Over

Yes, I do mean the color.

I love to read the newspaper in the morning.

This has been a life-long thing for me, reading the newspaper when it is delivered.

It wasn't always in the early morning. You might remember that years back, most newspapers had several editions, and your newspaper was often delivered in the afternoon, after the kids got home from school.

In fact, often those same kids who got back from school were the ones delivering your daily newspaper to your door.

I have been reading the newspaper since I was probably four or five years old.

I just love the newspaper, but that gets me to my point:

I love it when I get it, and when I don't get it, I am not happy.

Newspapers are generally delivered by adults now, and the newspapers get delivered in the early morning, generally before 6 a.m.

My local newspaper guarantees delivery by 5:30 a.m., which is perfect for me, because when I am done writing this column for the day, I go down and get the paper ...

That is, if it is there.

With a guarantee of 5:30 a.m., I expect the newspaper to be there by that time. If it isn't, I call the customer service line of the newspaper, and I complain, and I get a credit to my account.

That is just what happened yesterday.

I was steamed. The paper was not there at the guaranteed time, and it came about 10 minutes later.

I leave for work early, and I want the paper by 5:30 a.m.

No, I am not being a hard ass.

I once was an adult deliverer of The New York Times.

I had to wake up early to get to the depot to deliver the paper. I went to sleep at 7:30 p.m., woke up at 11:30 a.m., and was at the depot by about 12:00 midnight, and that was on weekdays and Saturdays.

On Sunday, I would often stay up on Saturday night, deliver the Sunday paper, and come home and go to sleep.

I did this for about a year, and it was the easiest, hardest job I ever had.

It was easy once you knew the route, but it really did numbers on my body and my sleeping patterns.

It all worked out because my son was a baby then, and I would come home, feed him, and go to sleep for maybe an hour, and then wake up to go to my regular job.

Yes, it was a very long day, but I did it.

And people expected their papers delivered to them on time, seven days a week.

People complained about everything--where the papers were placed, delivering the paper too early, too late, not on time, not finding the paper (people would steal the papers), etc.

So I know what these people are going through as adult deliverers.

Been there, done that.

All I want is my paper delivered to me on time, because I leave for work early, and like to have a good outlook on what is happening in the world before I drive to work.

That is all that I ask, to have the newspaper delivered on time.

The old paper deliverer we had was nasty, rarely on time, once even threw the paper at me as I waited for him to deliver it.

Admittedly, the new paper deliverer is pretty good, has been on time most of the time.

But I know from experience. Things happen.

Trucks get the papers late, so they do not get to the depot on time.

You are not feeling well. It is certainly harder to deliver when you are under the weather.

There is a police action afoot, so you can't get to where you have to go on time.

I get it.

But I want my paper on time.

When I was a deliverer, I got every complaint in the book thrown at me, but you know what they say, "The Customer Is Always Right."

I am right.

I want the newspaper delivered to me on time.

I hope it is there today, I really do.

But if not, I will call for a credit.

No excuses. I want the newspaper here on time.

Get it?

Yes, I hope I do.