Classic Rant #1,259 (July 31, 2014): Pan Pizza

As I have told you in past Rants, I just love pizza.

I grew up in New York City, the mecca for American pizza, and there is nothing better than a nice, thick slab of pizza to make any day better.

The problem now is that the current mayor of New York City has no idea how to eat New York style pizza.

Mayor DeBlasio insists that the proper way to eat pizza is with a knife and fork, and he plies his eating habits for photo-ops whenever he eats pizza.

He claims that back in Italy, this is how they eat pizza, so he will eat pizza that way in New York, too.

He and his family recently went on vacation to Italy, and he was seen eating pizza, again, with a knife and fork.

C'mon, mayor, that isn't the way to eat New York style pizza, and you know it!

He is comparing two types of pizza, and sorry, you cannot compare one with the other.

Italy is the ancestral birthplace of pizza, but pizza there is of a slightly different composition than New York style pizza.

It is thinner, and thus less "pickupable" than New York style pizza, so yes, in Italy, pizza IS eaten with a knife and fork.

When pizza came over to the States with Italian immigrants in the late 1800s and early 1900s, its composition morphed over time.

It became thicker over here, maybe because of the water, and it was made to be picked up, folded over, and eaten without silverware.

New York style pizza is thick and gooey, and it is made to be eaten sans knife and fork.

This is not Chicago deep dish pizza, an abomination that DeBlasio would probably be happier with, as it IS made to be eaten with a knife and fork.

Growing up in New York City, I remember that the first time I ever ate pizza was with my uncle, who took me into Greenwich Village for a slice or two in about 1963 or 1964.

You couldn't get pizza anywhere back then, and you had to go into a neighborhood like this to get pizza.

However, a few years later, pizza was everywhere in New York City, and it is everywhere today in New York City and its suburbs.

Seemingly every corner has its own pizza parlor, and most know what they are doing when it comes to making great pizza.

And no, I am not talking about Pizza Hut, or Little Caesar's, or Dominos--that's pizza for people who know nothing about real, honest to goodness pizza or who can't get real, honest to goodness pizza, such as people who live in Montana and Idaho and places where they wouldn't know good pizza if it was pushed into their faces.

We have a great pizza place by us that upholds the tradition of New York style pizza. They make their pies very thick, and the sauce and pizza are just in the right measure.

You pick the pizza slice up, put it in your mouth, and you are in heaven.

And forks and knives are nowhere to be seen, either.

So Mayor DeBlasio, get with it.

This is not Italy, this is the United States, and you are the mayor of New York City, for crying out loud.

Learn how to eat pizza here, OK?

You insult pizza-makers in the five boroughs by eating pizza with a knife and fork.

Don't try to be sly about it, saying it is your heritage which allows you to do so.

Heck, this isn't stop and frisk, but it is causing some commotion in New York City.

You are a big guy in stature, stop eating pizza like you would eat a steak.

Try it, you'll like it.