Rant #2,418: Everything Is Beautiful

No news to report on my family's coronavirus scare.

My wife has quarantined herself, my son and I don't have to, and we are still awaiting word.

It has gotten me to think about how workplaces are going to protect themselves from this scourge once we fully open up again.

I think we are going to have to take the track that professional sports have taken to clean up their own backyards of infestations of drugs and other substances.

Workplaces are going to have their employees take random coronavirus tests, unannounced, for a period of time. Doing this would circumvent any possibility of what happened in my wife's workplace, where one of her fellow co-workers used CDC guidance to return to work, although she might still be sick from having the virus.

If you are found sick from these tests, you go home, and stay home, for a certain period of time. And not until you feel better to return to work; not until you get a doctor's note or some other official document stating that you have recovered from the virus.

Period. No ifs, ands or buts. Allowing for those is permitting possible catastrophe. Look at my family's situation. My parents, both in their late 80s, live below us, and we have had contact with them. What happens if we test positive? It can be horrible for us, but it can be worse for them.

Happily, all of us--myself, my wife and my son, as well as my parents--feel fine, show no elements of the disease, and this gives us cause to think that we don't have the disease, but unlike his person who served as a Typhoid Mary for my wife's work, we will be sure when the doctor tells us that we are in the clear, and not a moment before/

Anyway, why harp on that when, as is customary during the last Friday of the month, se can safely and easily look back on where we were 50 years ago through the music that we so enjoy?

Let's forget about the coronavirus for a few minutes, and examine the top singles on the Billboard Hot 100 chart for the week of May 30, 1970?

At the No. 10 sport is a former No. 1 single by the Beatles, "Let It Be." Not only was this another of their No. 1 hits on the American chart, but it was also the title of their controversial documentary film, showing the final days of the band and their famous rooftop concert.

At No. 9 was the biggest hit by a long-time band that changed their sound to fit what was hot in music at the time. "Vehicle" by the Ides of March was a complete change in tune by this band, which went from a garage sound to the jazz/rock vibe made popular by Blood, Sweat and Tears, and it paid off well.

Tyrone Davis' "Turn Back the Hands of Time" was at the No. 8 position. This was the biggest hit of the rhythm and blues singer's career, where he placed songs on the Hot 100 through the 1980s.

Joe Cocker and his "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" tour was about the hottest thing going back then, and his cover of the Box Tops' "The Letter" placed at the No. 7 song in the country 50 years ago. Cocker became something of a rock icon during this period, and was much later parodied by John Belushi on "Saturday Night Live."

Canada's the Poppy Family had the No. 6 song in the country this week 50 years ago with "Which Way You Goin' Billy?" The act was made up of then husband and wife Susan and Terry Jacks, the latter having his own solo smash with "Seasons in the Sun."

One of Creedence Clearwater Revival's biggest two-sided hits came in at No. 5 this week. "Up Around the Bend"/"Run Through the Jungle" continued the vibe for this West Coast act, making them popular on both the AM and FM bands.

Simon and Garfunkel continued to heat up the charts, this time with the No. 4 song in the country "Cecilia." More lighthearted than "Bridge Over Troubled Water," this tune is one of their great singalong songs.

The Moments, another long-standing rhythm and blues act, recorded their biggest hit with "Love On a Two-Way Street," which came in at No. 3 this week 50 years ago. This act spawned later hitmakers Ray, Goodman and Brown, who had hits into the 1980s.

At the No. 2 spot was the former No. 1 two-sided hit by Canada's Guess Who, "American Woman"/"No Sugar Tonight." The A side was a bit controversial, but still rose to the top spot on the Hot 100 before giving up that sport to the No. 1 song on this week's Hot 100 50 years ago--

"Everything is Beautiful" by Ray Stevens.

The perfect blend of religious pop, adult contemporary and "We Are the World" stylings, this Nashville-based singer, who put out some of the greatest novelty records of all time, also put out more serious fare, and this one was by far and away his biggest hit, staying at No. 1 for two weeks. He would go on to having many other novelty tune hits, but this song hit a chord with the record-buying public that still resonates to this day.

The highest debuting single of the week was another Motown bubblegum hit for the Jackson 5, "The Love You Save," which came into the chart at No. 45. The song, with another great hook as all the act's early records had, would eventually hit No. 1 in a few weeks, and even though it wasn't billed as a two-sided hit, its flip, "I Found That Girl," also received a large chunk of airplay.

The biggest moving single of the week, the 45 that moved up the most notches on the chart from the previous week to this week, was another Motown hit for the Temptations, "Ball of Confusion," which jumped 39 places, from No. 80 up to No. 41, in a single week. The song would reach No. 3 a few weeks later, and its actual title, which is never used, is "Ball of Confusion" (That's What the World Is Today)."

So there you have it, the top 10 singles this week 50 years ago in 1970s. Isn't it funny how some of those songs really resonate a half century later during this mess that we are going through?

"Everything is Beautiful ... in its own way ... ."

Speak to you again on Monday. Have a great weekend.

Classic Rant #1,267 (August 12, 2014): Robin Williams

As I am sure you already know, comedian Robin Williams committed suicide yesterday.

He was 63 years old, and had suffered for years from drug and alcohol abuse, depression, and probably things we never knew about.

According to police, he died of asphyxia, so I assume he hung himself.

I have to tell you flat out that I was never a fan of Williams.

I remember him right from the get go as the only standout performer of the short-lived, and deservedly so, revival of "Laugh-In" in 1977. (So many reviewers of his work forget his role on the this show, proving that they haven't done their homework.)

Then he went right into "Mork and Mindy," a show I disliked, and it didn't matter whether I liked him or not, this guy was on the move upward to major stardom.

He went into the movies, and had hit after hit after hit: "Mrs. Doubtfire," "Good Morning Vietnam," "Good Will Hunting," etc.

He was completely frenetic, the type of person who couldn't stand still, always moving, always changing dialects, probably trying to keep up with always being the funniest person in the room.

But like his cohort and sometimes drug buddy John Belushi, he had demons, and a lot of them, and they followed him throughout his career.

He was a very well known drug and alcohol abuser, and had been in and out of rehab numerous times.

He had many relationship demons, too, and in a well publicized episode, dumped his wife for his kids' nanny.

He retained his popularity to his dying day, though, and his fans just loved him.

The past few years were rough on Williams.

His projects weren't well received, his last TV show--ironically called "The Crazy Ones"-- was a bomb that barely made it through a single season, and his movies stiffed if they even made it to theaters.

Evidently, those demons finally ate him alive, as yesterday's events show that in the end, the demons won out.

You don't like to hear about these things, but I do believe that if a person wants to take his life, it is the coward's way out.

Confront those demons head on, and beat them.

By doing what he did, he left his family in a lurch, and I am sure if he were thinking rationally, he would not have done what he did, if for only their sakes.

But a person pushed to this level of emotional drain is not thinking rationally.

And let us not make this guy a martyr, as we did with Belushi.

This guy was sick, needed help, and didn't get what he needed.

He was a fatality of drugs, drink and his own excesses.

He may have fought, but he gave in way too easily.

May he rest in peace.

Rant #2,417: Que Sera Sera

Well, it was bound to happen.

Yesterday, my family and I were instructed to get tested for the coronavirus, because my wife might have been exposed to the virus through a co-worker at the bank that they both work at.

The woman who brought the virus into this work environment had been out of work and at home for 50 days with the virus, and she came to work under Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) guidelines, which suggest a 14-day quarantine period after contracting the disease/

Which all means that she went under the assumption that she did not have the disease, and came back to work based on that assumption--rather than go back to her doctor to be checked out.

She had been working for a few weeks at the bank, without incident, but she felt sick the other day. My wife, who works almost hand in hand with her, thought she might be having a panic attack, told her drink some water and take it easy, but evidently, after work, the woman went back to the doctor, who confirmed that she may have had a relapse, which means she might still have the virus in her, but she might not be contagious ... or she might be.

So yesterday morning, with my wife having one foot out the door to go to work, she received a call from her supervisor, and she was told not to come to work. She wasn't told much else, but she kind of knew exactly what had happened.

My wife texted me--I was waiting on a long line of cars at the bank (more on that below)--and she later heard from her supervisor and some other executives at her bank exactly what happened, without telling her the entire story (she knew who it was and she knew the scenario of her not being retested before coming to work).

I completed my banking, came home, and we decided to go for the coronavirus test, which was being given at a walk-in medical facility in my area. I wanted both the coronavirus nose swab test and the blood test--to see if I had any antibodies of the disease--but my wife and son only wanted the coronavirus nose swab test, which really is the most important and accurate of these tests, so off we went to this medical office, and we had these tests done.

We were told that we will hear in two to seven days whether we have the virus and the other results of the test, and we were also told that my wife must quarantine herself for 14 days just in case she tests positive. My son and I can move freely now, but if we test positive, we will also have to be quarantined for 14 days.

And right now, everyone in our family who we have come in contact with over the past two weeks--my brother in law and his wife, and my parents--are on alert that if we test positive, they must all get tested themselves.

I have to say that if you are worried about the test, it really is a big nothing. The blood test is a blood test, they take a vial from you and that is that.

The nose swab test is the one that some people are scared of, and there is really nothing to be scared of. Yes, they have to stick a long tong up your nose, and deep into it, but you only feel a slight sensation for a split second, and your eyes my tear for a minute or so once the apparatus is removed. Yes, it goes by that fast.

So right now, we are in a holding pattern, and we are wondering why my wife's place of work allowed this employee to come into work without a doctor's note, an official approval clearing her of the disease. My wife asked her superiors this very question, and they did not answer her, and it is pretty obvious that if this woman is her bank's version of "Typhoid Mary," they have, as Ricky Ricardo used to say, "a lot of 'splainin' to do."

And by the way, none of us feel sick, none of us feel under the weather, and none of us are anything but fit as a fiddle ... so if we have it, we feel we are asymptomatic.

But let's see what the results bring. It should be very interesting.

And as an aside, the woman who might have spread the virus throughout the bank is all of 24 year old, part of the group of millennials that appears to be completely oblivious to this virus and its possible effects.

Anyway, back to the bank ...

I usually go to two banks on Wednesdays: one to take money out of my account, and the other to put that money into. Ever since I was fleeced by several doctors earlier this year for payments that were out of this world--as you know, I won a judgment against one medical practice, and I am still waiting for my money from that victory--I have been trying to replenish my savings account with whatever money I can get together, and for the past several weeks, I have religiously gone to the bank where I have my savings account to put money into that account.

The bank is not open, has one, single drive-through, and is usually backed up to the gills with dozens of cars waiting to do their banking there.

Well, the same situation presented itself yesterday, and I dutifully waited on line to get up to the drive-through. When I got there at about 8:45 a.m., the line was about two dozen cars long, so I went behind the last car, and waited, listening to my radio, looking out the window, and just biding my time.

The line was so long that it stretched across the street into an adjoining parking lot, where a popular bagel store does business. And the line stretched behind a row of cars parked in this lot, presumably of people going to the bagel store.

Every once in a while, people would come out of the store, go to their cars, and want to pull out of their spaces.

It wasn't a problem when I was the last car on the line. I simply moved back, the guy ahead of me moved back, and we let the people out. We then moved back into the line, which simply was not moving, even when the bank was opened at 9:00 a.m.

The problem was that cars were getting onto the line, and I no longer was the last one on line. So if a car wanted to pull out of their space, it became a problem, because I might have wanted to push my car back, but I had to do it in concert with cars behind me, and let me tell you, people can be very oblivious to what is happening around them when they are waiting on a very long line for the bank.

So a car wanted to back out of a space, and I tried to tell the guy behind me to back up, which should have had a domino effect--he should have told the next guy, and the next guy should have told the next guy, etc., almost a domino effect of cars moving back a little to let a fellow driver through.

But of course, this is easier said than done, and nobody was moving behind me, and I mean no one Everyone is in their little cocoon in their cars, and they were oblivious to any hand movement or anything I was going to get them to move back, and they certainly didn't see--or didn't care, probably more of this than that--that a guy had his brake lights on and was trying to get out of his space.

Even more oblivious was the actions of the car ahead of me.

I was not able to move back, but evidently, this did not matter to the driver of the vencileahead of me, who moved back anyway, and without any space to move, slammed into the front of my car.

I got out of my car, looked to see if there was any damage--there wasn't any that I could see--and then I went out to the driver ahead of me, standing a social distance away from him, and i yelled at him, "Didn't you see that I could not move back, and don't you know that you hit my car?"

He opened the window, and his response was one for the ages:

"Yes, I hit your car."

And that is all he said as he rolled up the window.

I then yelled at him, "Don't you know how to use your mirror? Are you an idiot?" And no, I never used foul language at all.

He rolls down the window, again, and I saw he was getting out of the car. I told him there was no damage, to stay in his car, but I said, "Don't back up where there isn't any room to," and I got back in my car.

So, I got no apology from him, and his attitude was that, "So, I hit your car, big deal," and that was that from him.

Very condescending, but very expected from an idiot like this.

And all the while, there was a security guard there, and he sat in his car the entire time.

I guess it was above his pay grade to get involved.

So yes, yesterday was not one of the great days of my life.

But at least my family and I will know if we are infected or not.

Heck, "que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera sera."

Yup, I had quite a (Doris) day yesterday, didn't I?

(Sorry, Doris.)

Classic Rant #1,266 (August 11, 2014): Going Back To Mexico

In the world of sports, this episode was really nothing much, but in the world of professional wrestling, where the real is blurred by the made up, this was really big news.

And it was real.

Alberto Del Rio, the heralded Mexican wrestler who was a mainstay on the WWE card for the past four years or so, was released from his contract.

Not a big deal, it happens all the time, but the reason he was released was another matter.

Evidently, he slapped a fellow WWE employee--not a wrestler--because the person told what Del Rio thought was a racist joke in front of him.

Look, WWE is entertainment. Reality is often mixed in with show business.

Wrestlers, and other on-air talent, often play characters, both good and bad and often, somewhere in between.

For instance, right now, Stephanie McMahon, the daughter of the owner of WWE, Vince McMahon, is playing one of the all-time heels. She was supposedly arrested for her actions a few weeks ago against another female wrestler, who she slapped while on air.

Stephanie McMahon is well known in entertainment circles as one of the nicest, most kind people on the face of the earth. She is a WWE executive, and she plays her role to perfection, both behind the scenes and in front of the camera.

Del Rio played a character, too, but his WWE personality pretty much mirrored his on-air personality.

He was brash, nasty, thought he was the greatest thing to come out of Mexico since refried beans, and was often rumored to be at odds with his fellow wrestlers and WWE executives over a variety of things, including his aversion to holding back in the ring.

Yes, WWE is entertainment, and wrestlers play into that, often holding back, or at least telegraphing, what they are going to do to their opponents.

Del Rio did that to a certain extent, but less often than the other wrestlers, and one thing that the WWE does not want is for wrestlers to get hurt due to other wrestlers unnecessarily pummeling them.

It's bad for business, as they say.

Anyway, Del Rio is now gone for his latest actions, but he leaves a pretty good legacy as a champion in the WWE as he goes back to Mexico and wrestles in the professional league that he originally came from.

He leaves behind a championship legacy, and also one of the great introductions of all time.

With his then partner Ricardo Rodriguez, he would come out, usually in an expensive car, as the tuxedoed Rodriguez would introduce him, in Spanish, in less than dulcet tones.

It was like a bullfighter was coming to the ring, and Del Rio played off that introduction with his playboy looks and obvious talent.

But this time, in the real world, things evidently got out of hand, and the WWE had had enough of his true-life antics, which were evidently many.

He was at the near end of his contract, anyway, and rumor was that he wasn't going to renew it.

Now he played the WWE's hand, and they had had enough, and Del Rio is gone.

He will be remembered, and yes, missed, as one of the great heels of pro wrestling.

"Hasta la vista, Alberto Del Rio. Usted grande."

(No, I can't remember much from my high school level Spanish, which is obvious here. I just wanted to say, "See you later, Alberto Del Rio. You were great.")

Rant #2,416: Beat It

Today, my neck of the woods--Nassau County, Long Island, New York--is supposed to open under Governor Andrew Cuomo's phased plan for reopening our economy.

Certain manufacturing jobs that were considered to be non-essential are suddenly going to get the green light to continue, and certain retail businesses can operate with curbside pickup or in-store pickup.

Some other businesses are affected, including agriculture and forestry, and they are all in phase one of this plan, with other phases to follow.

The problem is that while many are complying to this phased-in plan, others--and there are plenty of others in my neck of the woods--are not waiting for their particular phase to open. They are just opening, and why--"

Because they claim they have to.

Or they won't ever open again.

Even Governor Cuomo said as much in yesterday's news conference about the phased opening.

In these news conferences, Cuomo appears to be one part President Franklin D. Roosevelt or even New York City Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia, giving us what amounts to "fireside chats" to comfort us, but on the other part, he appears to be P.T. Barnum, trying to sell us a bill of goods that people on the ground know cannot be accomplished, but others dig into as if they were eating their last meal.

Whatever the case, Cuomo said that those companies at the top will always find a way to survive--not mentioning names, but looking at retail, you know he is talking about major national and international concerns like Walmart and Target, who he said "always find a way" to survive--and others at the bottom of the retail line won't--and without naming names, he is talking about the mom and pop stores that line our retail main streets.

With the latest phased in openings, he 1) does not understand or acknowledge that these main streets stores have been literally out of business for two and half months, and even another stay sticks a knife into them and their future; 2) "curbside pickup" might be fine for some smaller stores, but smaller stores where you actually need to go in and look around for what you want--like jewelry stores and record stores--can't feasibly operate this way; and 3) that many venues simply aren't going to listen to him, and will open whether he gives the green light or not.

And again, they have to. They have no choice.

Although banks are not considered by the general public to be "retail," they are actually referred to as "stores" by their companies and employees. They do not fall under phase one of the governor's plan, but I believe they fall under phase three, which is under "financial institutions."

Banks in my area have been open, but only in a drive-through basis. Take it from me, I have waited on some immense lines trying to put cash into the bank, and it is annoying, but thought to be necessary under the circumstances. My wife works in a bank that is going through this, and it is both intense for customers and for bank tellers and other personnel to handle business this way.

Yesterday, my mother had to make a deposit in her local bank, and as has been customary during this period, I took her to the bank to help her make her deposit. Usually, there are several cars waiting at the drive-through, but yesterday, there was just one who was ahead of us. They did their business, and then it was our turn.

We did what we had to do, and while doing so, the teller handing the drive-through told us that the bank was actually open for business. Funny, we thought we saw people walking into the bank, but their ATM machine has been active during this entire period, so we thought that perhaps they were deciding to use the indoor ATM rather than the outdoor ATM.

But no, they were entering the bank to use the bank's services inside.

Funny, because banks are not supposed to reopen until a subsequent phase in a few weeks, so they were quite obviously jumping the gun on when they could open, taking their chances with law enforcement and public outcries over their opening.

The bank simply decided it was time for them to open, and they did just that.

And by the way, I checked with my wife, and no, her bank is not opening its floor just yet.

I have seen other businesses in the area reopen or continue operations when they weren't supposed to, and in New York City, a coalition of small business owners have announced that in a few days, they are going to open, whether Mayor Bill deBlasio allows it or not.

Storefronts and other businesses are opening whether they are given the go-ahead or not, simply because they feel that they have to.

The record store that I frequent recently posted a GoFundMe campaign because it could not pay its rent after being shuttered for two and a half months. And you just know that they aren't the only ones who are in dire need of customers and cash, and simply cannot wait for the official OK to open.

In this record store's case, they have a double whammy, because not only can't they open under the law right now, but they are located right next door to a county legislator, so they are going to have to go by the book when it comes to opening, whether they like it or not.

The GoFundMe campaign worked, they are able to pay their rent, but how long will a place like this be able to survive when it can't do its regular business?

In a county where you still cannot get a haircut at your local barbershop or hairdresser, that is the current million-dollar question, and although the governor means well, his plan is cockeyed, and will kill off more businesses to the threat of the coronavirus than the actual virus will.

We need all our local main street businesses to be open for business, and open them up responsibly, before we kill them all off permanently.

Classic Rant #1,265 (August 8, 2014): What's In a Name?

My name is Larry Lapka.

Actually, my name is Lawrence Scott Lapka, but that is another name for another time.

Just call me Larry.

That's my name and I'll stick with it.

Some people, however, don't.

Take former NBA star Ron Artest, who was once Defensive Player of the Year in that league, which is a very big deal, but evidently, his name isn't.

Artest changes his name like some people change underwear--often--and he has done it again.

No, he will not be playing in the NBA this year. He was released last year by the woeful New York Knicks, and if you are released by a team that was really bad last year, well, you are pretty much done.

And yes, Artest is done with the NBA.

For the past few years, he has gone under the name of Metta World Peace.

But he is out of the NBA now, so what name should he go under?

Well, his fate was pretty much sealed when he signed with a team in China.

He has changed his name again, this time to (drum roll please)--

Panda Friend, later updated to The Pandas Friend.

Yes, The Pandas Friend, I guess in honor of the Chinese Panda.

So his first name is The, his middle name is Pandas, and his last name is Friend.

No more Ron Artest, no more Metta World Peace.

Hey, The!

What a name!

And by the way, I have decided to change my name too.

I thought about Barack Obama, but that name is taken.

How about Larry Baseball?

It says on the Internet that during the early days of the Cold War in the 1950s, Russia claimed that we stole their game called "lapka" and turned it into what we know as baseball.

Yes, this is on the Internet, so it must be true.

So I will keep my first name, which I have always liked, but no more "Lapka"; I am now Larry Baseball.

And I have the kujonos to do it. Oh, that means balls.

Larry Baseball ... now I have to convince my wife, son and daughter to do the same name change.

Nah, it won't work.

Back to Larry Lapka.

And Mr. Friend, sorry, I like Ron Artest better, but it's your call.

Speak to Mr. Friend, and you, on Monday.

Rant #2,415: Roll With It

So, what did you do on Memorial Day?

My family and I did something we had not done for three months: we took a drive out east, a 40-mile drive there, and a 40-mile drive back.

It all revolved around hamburger rolls ... yes, hamburger rolls.

We had planned to take a drive out east on the holiday, just pretty much get to a point, and then make a U-turn back home, without even getting out of the car. We planned on doing this just to break the monotony, but then came the hamburger rolls.

Or lack thereof.

What happened is that on occasion, my wife eats a hamburger, almost always of the turkey kind. She watches herself to a fault, and does not like to eat a lot of red meat, so turkey burgers are her choice of burger, but only every once in a while.

(I prefer regular beef hamburgers, but will eat turkey burgers on occasion, but not on the grill. My son only eats red meat hamburgers on the grill; he rarely has a burger otherwise.)

Along with her turkey hamburger, she does not eat regular hamburger rolls, she eats whole wheat hamburger rolls instead, and with or without a pandemic in place, they are usually more difficult to find than the regular hamburger rolls.

We usually have to search for them, but we usually find them. This time, we could not find them at all, even after going to a few stores to look for them.

Coming to the rescue was my wife's brother, who happens to work on the front lines at one of the larger supermarket chains on Long Island. He said that he can get the rolls for her from his store, and so, we now had a destination for our Memorial Day trip.

He lives about 40 miles away from us out in the middle of Suffolk County, so we took our jaunt out to his home to pick up the hamburger rolls.

Hey, it beat sitting in the house and watching TV, beat it by a long shot.

When we got there, we picked up the rolls ... and even though we had not seen each other since the winter, there was no kissing, no hugging, no hand shakes ... nothing of the sort.

Rather than pick up our hamburger rolls and run, we all decided to socialize in my brother in law's back yard.

We sat about six feet apart from each other, but no, we did not wear masks, although we did enter his home with the masks on.

After a while, they came off, and we ended up staying for more than an hour--so it was about an hour there, an hour getting there, and an hour coming home ... three hours eaten up by a drive to get hamburger rolls.

And after that, we ordered a holiday meal from a local eatery, waited to pick it up, and drove home with a holiday meal--and yes, I had a real, honest to goodness hamburger as my main dish, on a regular hamburger bun.

It was fun to get out and away from the house that we have been chained to for about three months. I felt real good behind the wheel. giving my car a workout it hadn't had since February.

But I have to tell you, with the weather being iffy the entire weekend--with little sun and lots of clouds and rain off an on--there were few cars on the road--few cars when we left for our jaunt, and few cars when we drove home.

You would have thought it was a mid-work-week early afternoon rather than a major holiday afternoon, but I have to say that Mother Nature was actually very kind to us. If the weather was really nice, you just know that everyone would have been out, going to the beach or just going somewhere to break the monotony.

I think that based on the up and down weather, people simply stayed home, or at least stayed local. And with what we are going through, maybe that is a good thing.

But as the weather gets better, you just know that even Mother Nature is not going to be able to stop people from venturing out and about, both locally and further away from their homes.

I think it is just something that we are going to have learn to live with. We aren't tempting fate as much as we are living our lives as human beings.

And in a state where you can play major league baseball but can't yet legally get a haircut at your local barber or beauty parlor, things that make no sense are being made "logical" by our leaders, but as I have said all along, once the warm weather comes, you can throw that all out the window.

It is already beginning to happen, and it will continue to happen, whether it is legal or not.

But that being said, it was sure nice to get out yesterday ...

... even if it was only to pick up a bag of hamburger rolls.

Classic Rant #1,264 (August 7, 2014): Snail Mail

Remember last week when I managed to find money and an old keepsake photo that I thought was lost forever?

Well yesterday, something else related to my family was found, and this time it was courtesy of the U.S. Postal Service.

And I am not happy about it.

Earlier this year, an invitation to a wedding was mailed out to my home. It was for my daughter, and it was mailed to my home, and not hers, because those mailing the invitation did not have her correct address, if I remember correctly.

It was an invitation to my nephew's wedding, slated for late May.

The invitation was mailed in early March, March 5 to be exact, for a late May wedding, over the Memorial Day holiday weekend.

The same invitation was mailed to our family, at the same address, at the same time, and we received our invitation within days of it being mailed.

But my daughter never received her invitation.

This provided a lot of consternation between the sender and us and my daughter, and we wondered where the invitation was all of this time, because she never got it.

The wedding was held, everything was hunky dory, but the invitation never came, and we basically forgot about it.

Until yesterday, when it was delivered to us via the U.S. mail, more than five months after it had been originally mailed.

Look, the U.S. Postal Service is being attacked on all fronts. It is inefficient, losing ground to electronic mail, or email, it is bloated with too many employees for what it does, offers these employees over-bloated salaries and benefits for what they do, and also provides incredible retirement benefits.

But to the general public, it may simply be antiquated for these times.

Everyone enjoys email, but there are certain things that simply must be sent via regular mail, and a wedding invitation is one of those things.

I cannot understand how such a letter, with proper postage on it, can take more than five months to reach its destination, sent out from one end of Long Island to another location on Long Island.

It boggles the mind.

A few months ago, my wife and I mailed out a bill, and it was very swiftly returned to us. We could not figure out why, because there were no markings on the envelope, so I took it to the post office.

They told me that for whatever reason, their machinery read the return address as the destination address, and that is why it was returned to me.

I was fuming, because this was a bill--it was time sensitive. They took the envelope back without questions, and the bill arrived to its destination, barely on time.

Look, the post office is not what it once was. My grandfather worked for the post office during the early part of the 20th century, and it gave him a steady job during the Depression and afterward.

He was a postal inspector, was generally looking for bootleg liquor being sent through the mail, among other things, and he carried a gun.

He rarely spoke about his time with the post office, but my grandmother used his benefits until the day she died, decades after he left the post office and even decades after he passed away.

I am sure he was proud of his work, and proud of the mail, where supposedly no matter what, the mail gets through.

But in 2014, evidently, that is not the case anymore. The mail is horrific--we have had other recent incidences where letters should have gotten to their destination on time, but evidently haven't, including bills--and I don't have the confidence in the U.S. Postal Service that I once had.

And if anything, this latest incident proves my point.

Rant #2,414: Remember

The calendar, even during a pandemic, has holidays, days that are set aside to remember, to honor, to give kudos to certain people and certain moments in our lives.

We have one coming up on Monday, and it is Memorial Day,

Normally, it is a well-earned day off for most of us, a day of both fun and frolic, mixed in with remembrances of what the holiday actually means.

This year, the holiday is certainly clouded over by this mess that we are in,

This scourge is preventing our usual actions during the holiday, including holding parades, getting together with family, and in certain instances, going to the beach and barbecuing.

But the one thing that continues to stand out is the true meaning of the holiday, pandemic or no pandemic.

Let's go back to Rant #1,444, dated May 22, 2015, and read the words that I wrote five years ago once again, because they seem to have extra meaning during this period where we are battling the coronavirus:

"Memorial Day is the federal holiday honoring those Americans who have died fighting in wars and conflicts our country has been in.

But does anyone really think about that when they are flipping the burgers on the barbecue?

Memorial Day might be a "memorial" day for these brave Americans, but how many of us really think about that while we are relaxing that day?

But the ultimate sacrifices these men and women made actually allow us to sit on the chaise lounge and take in the sun and the hot dogs.

Our way of life is assured by the actions of our military, who often fight in unpopular battles but do what the have to do to make sure that we are free.

I know that it seems so elementary, but these men and women are our real heroes, the people who do the dirty work so we all can be free.

With our very existence threatened by those people and countries who are jealous of our way of life, and the constant struggles we have in every day life to begin with, a day like Memorial Day should be savored, because a lot goes in to having a life like we have.

Sure, it is not perfect, but is there anywhere else where so many freedoms that we have are enjoyed?"

Yes, the holiday remains the same as things are changing around us.

Our freedoms are not what they once were, because the existence of this scourge has forced us all to pull back quite a bit on the things we love to do.

Some might say pull back too much, and I say that there has to be a common middle ground that we all can agree to.

Have we gone overboard in our attempts to ward off this virus?

Yes, I think we have, but with good reason.

But we cannot continue to do things the way we have been doing them the past two-plus months.

We have to open up, smartly, the world which has been closed down so abruptly. It can be done, but it must be done with some type of smartness attached to it. You just can't open up the world again and make believe that this thing never happened.

In our country, states are opening up, often haphazardly, so of course there is going to be a spike in cases. Even if we open up smartly, people are going to get this disease because it spreads so rapidly.

But we have to take those chances, because if we go any longer like we are right now, the very foundations that Memorial Day reminds us of, that those service people lost their lives about, will be gone forever.

As it is, they are seemingly going to be changed forever, but "changed" and "gone" are two very different things.

Maybe scientists will develop a cure for this thing, maybe they will develop something that can lessen its effects. But in the meantime, we must open our world up again, and not wait for these things to be formulated.

We have done it with the various flus that we have had for decades. Life did not stop because we didn't have a serum to fight this disease.

And yes, people got it, some people got sick from it, and others died from it.

It is a terrible thing, but we have to take those chances once again.

We can no longer put a hold on "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," and we must move on from this, as best we can.

Have a great weekend, a great Memorial Day, and I will speak to you again on Tuesday.

And continue to keep safe.

Classic Rant #1,263 (August 6, 2014): Black and White and "Red" All Over

Yes, I do mean the color.

I love to read the newspaper in the morning.

This has been a life-long thing for me, reading the newspaper when it is delivered.

It wasn't always in the early morning. You might remember that years back, most newspapers had several editions, and your newspaper was often delivered in the afternoon, after the kids got home from school.

In fact, often those same kids who got back from school were the ones delivering your daily newspaper to your door.

I have been reading the newspaper since I was probably four or five years old.

I just love the newspaper, but that gets me to my point:

I love it when I get it, and when I don't get it, I am not happy.

Newspapers are generally delivered by adults now, and the newspapers get delivered in the early morning, generally before 6 a.m.

My local newspaper guarantees delivery by 5:30 a.m., which is perfect for me, because when I am done writing this column for the day, I go down and get the paper ...

That is, if it is there.

With a guarantee of 5:30 a.m., I expect the newspaper to be there by that time. If it isn't, I call the customer service line of the newspaper, and I complain, and I get a credit to my account.

That is just what happened yesterday.

I was steamed. The paper was not there at the guaranteed time, and it came about 10 minutes later.

I leave for work early, and I want the paper by 5:30 a.m.

No, I am not being a hard ass.

I once was an adult deliverer of The New York Times.

I had to wake up early to get to the depot to deliver the paper. I went to sleep at 7:30 p.m., woke up at 11:30 a.m., and was at the depot by about 12:00 midnight, and that was on weekdays and Saturdays.

On Sunday, I would often stay up on Saturday night, deliver the Sunday paper, and come home and go to sleep.

I did this for about a year, and it was the easiest, hardest job I ever had.

It was easy once you knew the route, but it really did numbers on my body and my sleeping patterns.

It all worked out because my son was a baby then, and I would come home, feed him, and go to sleep for maybe an hour, and then wake up to go to my regular job.

Yes, it was a very long day, but I did it.

And people expected their papers delivered to them on time, seven days a week.

People complained about everything--where the papers were placed, delivering the paper too early, too late, not on time, not finding the paper (people would steal the papers), etc.

So I know what these people are going through as adult deliverers.

Been there, done that.

All I want is my paper delivered to me on time, because I leave for work early, and like to have a good outlook on what is happening in the world before I drive to work.

That is all that I ask, to have the newspaper delivered on time.

The old paper deliverer we had was nasty, rarely on time, once even threw the paper at me as I waited for him to deliver it.

Admittedly, the new paper deliverer is pretty good, has been on time most of the time.

But I know from experience. Things happen.

Trucks get the papers late, so they do not get to the depot on time.

You are not feeling well. It is certainly harder to deliver when you are under the weather.

There is a police action afoot, so you can't get to where you have to go on time.

I get it.

But I want my paper on time.

When I was a deliverer, I got every complaint in the book thrown at me, but you know what they say, "The Customer Is Always Right."

I am right.

I want the newspaper delivered to me on time.

I hope it is there today, I really do.

But if not, I will call for a credit.

No excuses. I want the newspaper here on time.

Get it?

Yes, I hope I do.

Rant #2,413: Goodbye

With all of this coronavirus mess that we are in, I would be remiss in my duties if I did not at least mention the deaths of two fairly famous people during the past few days.

And yes, both of these performers were linked by being typecast during their careers. One fought against the typecast, and when the pushback was too strong, went into another field, where his bravery came to the fore.

The other kind of relished that typecasting, and made a long career out of it.

The first celebrity I referred to is Ken Osmond, who will indelibly be marked on our consciousnesses as the character of Eddie Haskell, the smarmy kid friend of Wally Cleaver on TV
s "Leave It To Beaver" sitcom.

Osmond, a kid actor who had had only bit parts in movies and commercials before being cast as Eddie, was supposed to be only a one-shot on the show, as Wally's pal and Beaver's nemesis. But he made such an impression on Joe Connelly and Bob Mosher, the creators of the show, that he was integrated into the regular cast.

Eddie was one of the great TV creations, a two-faced kid who was friends with the All-American Wally but really couldn't ever live up to his friend's accomplishments. So he covered it all up by being edgy, nasty, and a double-talker to parents, a kid to be pitied rather than applauded.

Viewers loved to hate Eddie, and we all knew an "Eddie Haskell" when we grew up, or maybe we were "Eddie Haskell" to others.

When the show went off the air in 1963, the entire cast was typecast, and Osmond did find a few roles on other shows, including "Petticoat Junction" and most memorably on "The Munsters," Connelly and Mosher's goof on their earlier hit "Leave It To Beaver."

But soon, the roles dried up. Both Jerry Mathers and Tony Dow--who remained good friends with Osmond to his dying day--both said that Osmond was the best actor on their show, because he was the one actor who had to play against type. In real life, he was kind and sincere, just the opposite of the smarmy Eddie. But casting directors only saw Osmond as Eddie, and at age 21 or so, at the crossroads of his life, Osmond made a monumental decision, one that would reverberate and shape the rest of his life.

He went to the police academy in Los Angeles, and soon became a Los Angeles police officer. During his years on the force, he was shot at several times, and actually took a couple of bullets.

So Eddie Haskell, the scourge of Mayfield--the fictional setting for "Leave It To Beaver"--became a law-abiding police officer in Los Angeles.

You can't make this stuff up, you really can't.

Beyond that, Osmond was extremely proud of his character, and he protected it to his last breath, When both singer Alice Cooper and porn star John Holmes proclaimed that they were Eddie Haskell, Osmond sued both of them to protect the dignity of his role.

Mathers, Dow, Osmond and Frank Bank--who played the clueless Clarence "Lumpy" Rutherford and later, when his roles dried up, became a business advisor, most notably handing Mathers' affairs--kept up their friendship over the years, with Bank leaving us several years ago.

All of them appeared on the successful "Beaver" reunion movies, and "Still the Beaver" TV show along with Barbara Billingsley, who played Wally and the Beav's mom, June Cleaver. Hugh Beaumont, who played dad Ward Cleaver, died in the 1980s.

"Eddie Haskell" went down for the count the other day, but Osmond's role is one of the greatest ever created for a TV show, and he will not soon be forgotten.

Fred Willard's career actually began in the mid-1960s. He was a character actor whose first screen role was in one of the great exploitation films of the era, called "Teenage Mother," which actually featured footage of a woman giving birth to a child. This film was banned in many areas, and to this day stands as a relic of its time.

his actual career trajectory was cemented in the 1970s, when he appeared on numerous TV shows, most notably "Fernwood Tonight," as the often clueless sidekick of Martin Mull on a fictional TV talk show. To be polite, both characters didn't realize the gravity of what they were saying or doing on the show ... it was way over each characters' head, but it was so funny.

He and Mull actually took a back seat to the major discovery on the show--young Gary Coleman, who would go onto his own pecadillos-filled life and career.

Willard's characters were hilariously inept, but in the characters' eyes, his actions were perfect and right.

Willard appeared in numerous movies and TV shows, including the film "Best In Show," where he played a hilariously inept broadcaster of a dog show, who had no idea what he was covering, and he was a semi-regular on "Everyone Loves Raymond," where he played the father of Raymond's brother Robert's fiancee and later wife.

In that role, he played a religious man who looked down on the Barones, supposedly guided by God but, in fact, guided by his own bloated ego.

Once again, Willard made "cluelessness" into an art form, and he was perfectly cast in that role.

You just knew that when you saw him on the TV or movie screen, you were going to laugh, and laugh some more. He was that funny.

Both Osmond and Willard were never huge stars, but they both created characters that we will never forget.

R.I.P.

Classic Rant #1,262 (August 5, 2014): Back To Reality

After yesterday's pipe dream of a column, today I am back to reality.

My electric razor broke on me today.

Woe is me.

I have used electric razors for years. I have sensitive skin, and using blades rips up my face where I look like the Frankenstein monster after I shave, so I have used an electric razor since I was about 15 years old, and had to shave pretty regularly.

The problem is, I also have a heavy beard, or could have a heavy beard if I didn't shave.

What happens is that after a relatively short time, the blades in the razor get worn down, and it becomes extremely difficult to shave.

This is not what broke the razor this time.

Although I did notice lately that the blades were starting to wear down, today, that was not the problem.

I opened the razor to clean it out, and almost immediately, the inner workings of the razor--the three heads and the thing that keeps these heads in place--literally fell off, right into my hand.

The mechanism that keeps the heads in place cracked, and for anyone else who has been through this, you know that that is the end of the razor.

I could probably buy a replacement, but I figure I may as well buy a brand new razor, and literally start from scratch.

So after work today, I am going to have to buy a razor, and these things do not come cheap.

Sure, I can probably get a $30 razor, but I have had them, and they don't cut well, and they don't last at all.

So I am going to have to go with the pricier razor, near $100.

And since the one I had that just died on me was about that price, I can say that they don't last either.

I think I had this razor maybe six to eight months, no longer.

I remember that these types of razors used to last for years, but they don't anymore, and I have to wonder why?

Manufacturers don't make them as well because once you are shaving with an electric razor, it is difficult to use a regular blade, so they know you will be coming back for more.

It's not just razors.

My mother's refrigerator just died on her after about 10 years, and she bemoaned the fact that these appliances don't last 20 or 30 years anymore.

Even though she bought a good make and model, the installer said that this unit probably won't last much past seven years or so.

Don't tell me that manufacturers can't make a refrigerator that will last decades or a razor that will last a few years.

They can, they have in the past, but they know their marketplace better now, and they know the public will come back for more.

So tonight, after a long day of work, I have to empty out my bank account to get something decent.

Well not empty it out, but at least put a big crimp in it.

So woe is me today.

I could decide to grow a beard, but I itch like crazy when I have tried to do this, and the beard comes in funny, so fuggedaboudit.

No hair on my head, no hair on my face, heck, at least I don't shave my head like some men do.

That would really wear down the razor even more. I would probably have to buy a razor a month if I did that.

But God has taken that choice away from me, I guess.

Rant #2,412: Hair

Continuing the verve from yesterday's Rant, you can watch horse racing in New York State, but you still can't go to your local barber and beautician to get a haircut.

Various horse racing events are now on the calendar since the ban on the sport has been lifted, but you still can't get sheared in your local shop.

In fact, the Belmont Stakes--one of the crown jewels of horse racing--has been rescheduled--of course with no fans in the stands--but if you want to go for a buzz cut at your local barber shop, right now, you are completely out of luck.

It almost makes me wish that I were Mr. Ed, because not only will the horse we available for racing--which brings in tremendous tax money to New York, of course--but he will be groomed, too, unlike humans, who have hair growing every which way on their heads right now.

But you know what they say ... "A horse is a horse, of course, of course ... ."

So what is a mere peon like you and I to do if we are starting to look like the wild man (or woman) of Borneo with our hair?

It's who you know, as usual.

Many hairdressers who are on furlough or who have lost their jobs are turning to home haircuts to circumvent unemployment, and yesterday, my mother called in a favor, and it turned out to be a hirsute one at that.

She has been using the same hairdresser for decades, and yesterday, my mother looked herself in the mirror and probably said while looking at her hair, "I have had enough of this."

So she called her beautician of long standing, a woman who has become a friend of my mother over the decades of cutting her hair. She knows all about my mother, all about my father, all about my mom's kids and grandkids and likes and dislikes.

And she called in a marker of having used this woman for decades to cut her hair. "Would you be able to come over and cut my hair?" she asked her/

And the beautician obliged.

Not only that, but she told my mother that anyone who wanted a haircut in the family would be eligible for her talents, so the woman came to our house, and sheared us all (except for my father, who was sleeping and declined the invitation).

She wore a mask, we all wore a mask, and the haircutting was done in my mother's kitchen. Hair was picked up and discarded form the floor after each person's cut was done.

We all agreed on a price, we paid the woman for her efforts, and within due time, she was gone.

And we all had brand new haircuts.

Is this the wave of the future?

The beautician told us that she had spoken to the owner of the shop she works in, and various plans are in place when the shop reopens, whenever that is.

She will be working in shifts, the store will only be open a certain amount of hours, etc.

But in the meantime, this woman has no way of making any income, nothing is coming into her bank account, so she has done these in-home haircuts on a limited basis to try to stay afloat.

And in a state where sports are more important than local businesses, can you blame her for doing so?

So even I, with the bald head that I have, have circumvented the getting-to-Paul-Simon's-look-of-the-early-1970s, and I now have a haircut that could last me another two-and-a-half months, or whatever time period it was since I last got a haircut.

My wife looks great, as she always does, but now she doesn't have to fuss that he hair is growing out in every direction.

My son looks even handsomer than he is, and since he last got a haircut when I did, it was high time to get another one.

And my mother looks like her old self, as charming looking as ever at 89 years of age.

My father ... well, he missed the boat here, but my mother has to pick her battles with him, and she just wasn't going to add this to her battle list yesterday.

So, people, that is the way to go now with your hair if you live in New York State or other areas where you can't just walk into your local haircutter and get sheared.

Funny, I looked on a local website dedicated to the area I live in, and several barbers and beauticians are offering such services to those who want to get a haircut, so it should not be difficult to find someone if you really want to get sheared.

Finally, thanks to my mother, who came up with the idea.

Hats off to her ...

And when I pull off my hat, I will show the world a brand new haircut!

Classic Rant #1,261 (August 4, 2014): The Flying Nun

Being Jewish, I did not encounter many nuns when I was growing up.

I would always see them at baseball games. It seems that nuns are drawn to baseball like bees are drawn to honey.

But I did have a crush on a nun.

Everyone did back in 1967-1970, or at least everyone in my age group back then.

No, it wasn't a real nun, it was a TV nun.

Yes, "The Flying Nun," starring a very young, engaging actress at that time, Sally Field.

The story goes that ABC knew they had something with Field, who took to the camera like butter takes to bread.

She was on "Gidget," a very popular show among pre-teens, but a relative flop in the ratings.

When ABC abruptly canceled "Gidget" after just a single season, they didn't know what to do with Field, but they knew they had something that they wanted to pursue.

Acknowledging that they made a major mistake canceling "Gidget," they looked for another project that would star her, and they looked to the local library in trying to find something to suit her talents.

They came up with "The Flying Nun," based on the book by Tere Rios that was popular with pre-teens.

The book was about a nun who could literally fly when the wind was right. With her headpiece, or cornet, billowing under the wind, this nun could use those winds to fly.

She couldn't always control her flight, but since she was basically a 90 pound woman, the winds would take her about, and she kind of learned how to use them to her advantage.

Preposterous, yes. Doable, absolutely.

Field, who was very slight in stature to begin with, was cast in the role, and the show, although never a huge ratings winner, was once again popular with pre-teens.

It lasted three seasons on ABC, and for a good portion of that time, it was paired with ABC's other other-worldy show, "Bewitched," on the schedule

Although Field was well cast in the role, she supposedly hated being Sister Bertrille.

She was a young woman, and felt that a show like "Gidget" more fully suited her talents. She was able to wear the clothes of the day on "Gidget," but on "The Flying Nun," it was just her nunly robes and her cornet.

She actually had to be persuaded to accept the role in the first place by her family, who told her that she might never work again in Hollywood if she turned down such a role.

She took the role, and the rest is history.

Stocked with an excellent cast, including Marge Redmond, Madeleine Sherwood and Alejandro Rey, the show, if nothing else, showed off the broad comedic and acting talents of Field, and was surely a stepping stone to her leap to film (although she did do a lot of television prior to her early 1970s move to the big screen).

Why do I bring all this up?

On a very lazy Sunday, where my family and I really didn't do very much, I had a chance to sit down and watch two episodes of "The Flying Nun" on Antenna TV, where it reruns back to back with "Gidget."

Yes, I have watched the show off and on on Antenna TV for the past two years or so, but I really watched the show yesterday, and you know what?

I found the show as engaging as ever. It has good themes--which were looked over by the Catholic Church, which had a hand in the development of the series--the storylines are good, the acting is good, and even the dollar-value special effects of Sister Bertrille flying are just right for the series.

And Field, as ever, is fantastic, and I know why America had a major crush on this nun way back when, and still does, in the mosaic of roles she has had since then.

Anyway, I got to thinking ... if any show could use a reboot, it could be this series, either as a TV show or as a major film.

With a larger budget, the beauty of Puerto Rico really could be used to even a better advantage than it was in the original series, where it was used minimally.

Yes, scenes were shot in Puerto Rico--if you take a tour of San Juan, the tour guide will even point out to you where some of the show was shot--but with a bigger budget, maybe the whole show could be shot on location, rather than just bits and pieces like in the original program.

The special effects would be better today, but you know what? The less high-tech special effects of the day were perfect for the show, so it might not add to the rebooted project to improve too much on them.

The original show had an extremely engaging cast, in particular Rey as the disco owner, who owed his upbringing to the very church Sister Bertrille was a novice nun at, and through her, got into all types of adventures, things he didn't want to get involved with.

And then there is Field herself. How do you replace her in such a show?

Here is how I would do it: I would cast her as the Mother Superior--I mean, more than 40 years have progressed since she was a novice nun, so it is a very distinct possibility that if she stayed with the church, she would have progressed to that position by now.

And then have a new nun join the church, who also possesses the ability to fly because of her slight stature. Yes, lightning would strike again in this reboot, but who to cast as the "new" Flying Nun?

I have the actress, and I saw it the moment I caught her in those popular AT and T commercials.

She is Milana Vayntrub who plays the "know it all girl" in those popular TV ads.

She has the build, the look, and even though only seeing her in short samples, the ability to carry off such a role.

As I said earlier, Field hated her role on that show, but as an older actress playing a different role in the reboot, she might be open to such a challenge.

She has never, it has to be said, shirked away from acknowledging her TV past, like some actors do, so maybe it could happen.

I am not a TV producer, but if I were, I might just pursue such a reboot.

If done correctly, it could be a success.

I guess I missed my calling, like they say, I should have been in pictures ... .

Rant #2,411: Devil In Disguise

Yes, the world has lost its mind during this pandemic, and I am talking about people at the top of the heap down to us peons.

It has changed the way we look at things, change the way we look at right and wrong, and changed the way we exist.

Case in point is yesterday's announcement by several state governors that they were laying out the welcome mat for major league sports to return to their states, and this group includes Governor Andrew Cuomo, the governor--and self-appointed emperor without a clue--of New York, the center of the pandemic in our country and just possibly in the world.

Cuomo, and the governors of Texas and California, yesterday said that their states would welcome back professional major league sports, with some major alterations, as of the end of this month or early in June.

Yet, at least in New York, smaller businesses continue to remain closed, costing the livelihoods of thousands of people, and the longer these smaller businesses remain closed, the likelihood that they will never reopen.

Look, it is so obviously a dollars-and-cents matter that it makes the governors appear to be the money grubbers that they truly are.

Sure, your downtown jewelry store or record store does pay tax money to their respective states, but nothing like major league teams and their stadiums and arenas do.

And, of course, there is the public relations element to this. Heck, I am a die-hard Yankees fan, and boy, have I been starved for something to watch on TV! Thank you, Governor Cuomo! Thanks so much!

And then, there is the competition aspect to this. Florida and Arizona, the bases for spring training for baseball and beautiful warm weather states, have thrown open their doors for a month or more now. They have tried to lure entire leagues--namely, Major League Baseball--to their environs, with new configurations of the leagues to play in their states. Does New York--and Cuomo--an avowed Yankees and Buffalo Bills fan--want to lose out totally to Florida in having the NEW YORK Yankees play in Tampa?

This is all so stupid, that even though I love sports, I find the proposals completely repulsive, in particular with os many people either on furlough or out of work completely.

Our downtowns have been turned into ghost towns, and until that situation is reversed, I cannot see sports returning to our consciousness.

It is not right, it is not fair, and remember, New York City can't even open its beaches, yet the Yankees have the welcome mat to play at Yankee Stadium and the Mets have the welcome mat to play at Citifield.

If you can explain this to me beyond what I said earlier, then you are a smarter person than I am.

My son works for a smaller concern. He has been on furlough and collecting unemployment for more than a month now. We are hoping that his company reopens sooner than later, and he can go back to his job, a job that he looks forward to doing and which was his lifeblood.

Sorry, that is way more important than the millions that the ballplayers are going to make, and the owners of the teams are going to make, and the states that the teams play in are going to make, once play is resumed.

Let's be honest about it; even if there is no season in 2020 for baseball, MLB will not go out of business, and the Yankees won't go out of business,

However, the continued closure of small businesses, however, will force businesses to close down for good. They will NEVER reopen.

And that is why you are getting defiance now. Just in my own neighborhood, a couple of businesses have reopened that were previously shuttered, and they have opened without permission. Their business owners have determined that is they continue to stay closed, they will be closed for good, so they have reopened to stem that tide.

What message is Cuomo and the other governors sending out to those business owners by giving gthe green light to major league sports returning to the same environs that the smaller businesses are struggling to survive in?

I just don't know. I just don't get it.

I must be stupid.

Classic Rant #1,260 (August 1, 2014): Having Allergies

Today's Rant is going to be a bit short, but not sweet.

I am really suffering today.

My allergies are killing me, I can barely see, and I feel a bit miserable.

I do not feel sick, just not myself.

This happens when my allergies get the best of me, and I am afraid that today is one of those days.

I went to bed last night at 10 p.m., as I always do, but that was preceded by what I thought was a minor allergy episode.

I was watching TNA Wrestling with my son, which I always do on Thursday night, and we were both having a snack.

Then, all of a sudden, I felt as if something was caught in my throat, and I coughed several times and blew my nose a couple of times, too.

It seemed to last a few minutes, and then I seemed to be OK.

I fell asleep on the couch for about 45 minutes, went into the bedroom, and went right to sleep ...

Until 2 a.m., when I woke up not being able to breathe clearly, my eyes extra watery, and not feeling that great.

And I have pretty much been up since then.

I don't feel much better than I did two hours ago, so this is just one of those days that I am going to have to grit it out.

I have a long day ahead of me, and somehow, I will get through it.

I have been through far worse episodes than this, and it usually takes my body four to five hours, at worst, to get back to some semblance of normalcy, whiich means I probably won't feel any better until about 7 a.m.

Having allergies is a curse. If you have them, you know exactly what I am talking about. They effect you top to bottom when they hit.

And today, I not only got hit, I got blitzed.

Speak to you again on Monday. I am sure I will be better then, but I better check the pollen count today and throughout the weekend--I bet it is as high as the sky.

Rant #2,410: The Swim

Let me just say right out the outset that no, my novel did not make the cut.

It did not win the contest it was entered into, and I took the announcement well.

I mean, a one in 50 chance is rarely achieved, even though I have done it myself in the past.

Now, I wait for a professional evaluation from the company that ran the contest, and let's see what happens with that.

So I wasn't in the swim, so to speak, but plenty of people will be doing just that in the summer of 2020.

In what amounts to a major move by state and local government, many beaches will be open in New York State and surrounding states this summer.

The announcements came during the past couple of days, and, of course, they come with a lot of rules and regulations.

You can swim in the water and sit with a small group of people on the beach--basically your family--but you can't do much else.

When you get to the beach, you have to wear face protection, but you don't have to wear it once you are on the beach or in the water.

But you will have to bring your own food and drinks, because nothing will be open--no concessions, no food spots, no nothing.

(And you know how filthy and dirty beaches get on normal beach days ... you can just imagine how absolutely filthy they will be with people bringing their own food and drink to the beach, where bringing food and drink is allowed.)

And you have to even social distance on the beach, meaning that you have to put your towel away from others.

In fact, people will be turned away from a day at the beach if the beach visitor population becomes too dense. I have heard that officials are looking at a 50 percent capacity at those beaches that are open.

Long Island, for one, is known for its beaches, and keeping the visitor population at 50 percent is going to be the mother of all hassles. But there is one other major problem that might foul things up even more for Long Island's beaches.

New York City has not signed onto this deal, and its beaches--among them Coney Island and the Rockaways--are closed this summer.

Which means that you are going to have New Yorkers who need to get out and swim to go to Long Island's beaches, or maybe even New Jersey's beaches, and some Long Island legislators already see a problem with that.

They claim the influx of New York City residents swimming in Long Island beaches is going to make density questions paramount, not only clogging up beaches, but clogging up the roads leading to the beach.

Think about it. You live in Canarsie, and you decide you want to go to the beach. You pick one of the Long Island beaches that is open, and you and your family trek out to the Island on a hot summer day.

Problem is that thousands of others--New York City residents and Long Island residents--have decided to do the same thing.

You sit in a line of thousands of cars trying to get into the beach, but you are told that the maximum number of beach visitors was reached hours before. You are steamed even more than the 90 degree temperatures outside, and you and a thousand other guys decide that you've driven more than 40 miles to go to the beach, and you aren't leaving so quickly.

Nope, I would not want to be either the one that tells you that you can't spend your day at the beach nor the one who has to control a crowd that is not going to leave so peacefully.

New York City Mayor Bill deBlasio closed down the beaches--and all city pools--weeks ago, when the pandemic was at its height. Few could argue with his decision at the time, even though many did. The Brooklyn borough president--in one of the most racist tirades I have ever heard--bluntly stated that "if you don't give my people something to do, there will be a rise in crime" in his borough, condemning not only all good citizens of his borough as thugs, but more succinctly, a group of people who have been castrated by stereotypes for generations.

He basically said that yes, the stereotype of 100 percent correct, and I cannot believe that to this moment, he has not been taken down for such racist remarks.

Anyway, deBlasio still maintains that no beach or pool in New York City will be open because of safety reasons during the pandemic.

He says that people can walk on the beach, even walk on the sand, but they cannot swim at any New York City beach, whether it be Coney, the Rockaways, Orchard or any other beach in the five boroughs.

Yup, you can walk on the beach but can't go into the water on a hot summer day? That is like saying an alcoholic can go to a liquor store, but can't drink any of the merchandise, just smell it, and that will suffice.

Yup, it is not going to happen.

New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo said that yes, many beaches are now going to be open, but if there is a dramatic rise in coronavirus cases, he will "shut down the beaches the next day."

Yup, the Pandora's Box is open, and once the beaches are open, there is no way that people won't avail themselves of the water, legally or illegally.

Look, these are trying times, nobody is going to debate that fact. These legislators are really trying to navigate in uncharted waters, and that includes deBlasio, Cuomo and yes, President Trump (sorry President Obama, what you said this weekend was completely uncalled for, but you won't be taken to task, like the Brooklyn borough president, for the same reasons, which I am not going to get into here).

They are trying to do the best that they can, but they are really all up the creek without a paddle.

Thus, they are trying to formulate their own "paddle" by often creating rules that on paper look good, but in practice, are unworkable.

I have said it all along. Once the summer brings up warmer weather, all the rules and regulations that they have created to fight this thing are almost all out the window.

People simply are not going to go whole hog into this like they have been doing, and while the efforts have been admirable, you cannot expect people to follow like sheep when it is 90 degrees outside and people want to get back to normal.

My family is lucky. Although we thought that we had closed our backyard pool down for good, we decided to reopen it this summer, and although it is nothing more than a big round bathtub, it will give us something to do when the summer heat hits.

Most people are not as lucky as we are, and the beach is their summer refuge.

You simply cannot bar the opening of beaches in New York City, yet have them open in Nassau and Suffolk counties and in New Jersey.

Smell the sea air? That is fine for some, but most not only want to smell the sea air, they want to jump into the sea water to cool off.

And that is just what they are going to do, no matter what our often well-meaning, but just as often clueless, politicians say.

Classic Rant #1,259 (July 31, 2014): Pan Pizza

As I have told you in past Rants, I just love pizza.

I grew up in New York City, the mecca for American pizza, and there is nothing better than a nice, thick slab of pizza to make any day better.

The problem now is that the current mayor of New York City has no idea how to eat New York style pizza.

Mayor DeBlasio insists that the proper way to eat pizza is with a knife and fork, and he plies his eating habits for photo-ops whenever he eats pizza.

He claims that back in Italy, this is how they eat pizza, so he will eat pizza that way in New York, too.

He and his family recently went on vacation to Italy, and he was seen eating pizza, again, with a knife and fork.

C'mon, mayor, that isn't the way to eat New York style pizza, and you know it!

He is comparing two types of pizza, and sorry, you cannot compare one with the other.

Italy is the ancestral birthplace of pizza, but pizza there is of a slightly different composition than New York style pizza.

It is thinner, and thus less "pickupable" than New York style pizza, so yes, in Italy, pizza IS eaten with a knife and fork.

When pizza came over to the States with Italian immigrants in the late 1800s and early 1900s, its composition morphed over time.

It became thicker over here, maybe because of the water, and it was made to be picked up, folded over, and eaten without silverware.

New York style pizza is thick and gooey, and it is made to be eaten sans knife and fork.

This is not Chicago deep dish pizza, an abomination that DeBlasio would probably be happier with, as it IS made to be eaten with a knife and fork.

Growing up in New York City, I remember that the first time I ever ate pizza was with my uncle, who took me into Greenwich Village for a slice or two in about 1963 or 1964.

You couldn't get pizza anywhere back then, and you had to go into a neighborhood like this to get pizza.

However, a few years later, pizza was everywhere in New York City, and it is everywhere today in New York City and its suburbs.

Seemingly every corner has its own pizza parlor, and most know what they are doing when it comes to making great pizza.

And no, I am not talking about Pizza Hut, or Little Caesar's, or Dominos--that's pizza for people who know nothing about real, honest to goodness pizza or who can't get real, honest to goodness pizza, such as people who live in Montana and Idaho and places where they wouldn't know good pizza if it was pushed into their faces.

We have a great pizza place by us that upholds the tradition of New York style pizza. They make their pies very thick, and the sauce and pizza are just in the right measure.

You pick the pizza slice up, put it in your mouth, and you are in heaven.

And forks and knives are nowhere to be seen, either.

So Mayor DeBlasio, get with it.

This is not Italy, this is the United States, and you are the mayor of New York City, for crying out loud.

Learn how to eat pizza here, OK?

You insult pizza-makers in the five boroughs by eating pizza with a knife and fork.

Don't try to be sly about it, saying it is your heritage which allows you to do so.

Heck, this isn't stop and frisk, but it is causing some commotion in New York City.

You are a big guy in stature, stop eating pizza like you would eat a steak.

Try it, you'll like it.