Rant #2,123: Frustrated

Once again, my work has presented me with a major hurdle, and in order to get past it, I did something that I feel I was forced to do by the powers that be there.

I bailed out.

Let me explain ...

My wife and I planned to take a cruise in early to mid-September of this year. We paid for a portion of the cruise, which also included payment for our son, and we were excited about getting away from the stresses of everyday life, with the added bonus that we would be going with my two brothers in law and their wives.

I put in for the vacation at work this week, and the powers that be turned me down flat, because basically, the time I wanted to go is a busy time for the company, and they want me at work during this period.

As you well know, the company I work for is on its last legs. We were originally told in December that it would probably close down after this month. We were even asked to commit ourselves through April.

My wife and I made these vacation arrangements based on that information.

Several weeks later, I found out--we were never told--that the company could now last through December, hence, production on the October issue of our publication--the issue in question, our biggest issue of the year--would go on where it obviously wouldn't have if we only lasted through April.

Since this is costing myself and my wife money--we can only get back a percentage of the money through a credit to our cruise account, and we paid a several hundred dollar penalty on top of that--it put us in a quandary--do we go on the cruise anyway--which would lead to certain unemployment for me--or bail out?

Do we go on the cruise anyway, being coy for the next few months and then simply taking off? I felt that not only wouldn't I have a job when I came home, but that I would lose unemployment, which I am sure they will fight--they will claim that I deserted them, and that I walked out on them, and this led to my being let go, I was the one who pushed the envelope, so to speak.

So what do I do?

Yesterday evening, my wife and I bailed out. We called the cruise company, worked out all of the arrangements, and simply gave into forces beyond our control.

The future is murky to begin with, and even if the job lasts just a few months after the fact, at least I will be getting a paycheck.

I am scared still about having to get unemployment. Been there, done that.

I was once out of work for 18 months, during the most vile period of my life, when I was going through a divorce.

The court treated me very poorly, putting the onus on me to find work. In fact, I had to physically prove to them that I was even looking.

I was the devil, at least to them, and I did everything I could to find work--not only answering ads, but going on TV, radio, and standing by the local Long Island Railroad station giving out my resume, finding most of them in the garbage, and taking them out and doing it all over again.

It was demeaning, but the onus was on me to find employment.

Sure, things are different now--and yes, my age is different too--but I could not do today what I did back then.

So yesterday, with the backing of my wife--who is an absolute angel, but who is not happy about this at all--we just bailed out.

I honestly do not know if that was the right decision, but it WAS the right decision for me at this moment in time.

This job is slowly killing me. It plays on my mind, and let me tell you, I am not crying wolf--I have had some minor physical ailments that I attribute to stress and nerves brought on by the dysfunctional place I work in.

It is literally taking the life out of me.

It is a toxic environment, but I plod along.

There are days where there is literally little for me to do there, so at work, I look for work.

On busy days, I still have my eye out for just the right job, I just don't pursue it as much as I would when I am idle.

And each and every morning during the week, after I write my Rant, I post it on Facebook and then I look for work through the notices I get in my email.

I have sent out some resumes to companies that haven;t advertised anything, but that has led nowhere to be honest with you.

I have spoken to some contacts, none of whom can really help me.

I spoke to one yesterday, and he flat out told me that they were hiring, but only hiring millennials--not something I didn't expect.

I will be 61 in two weeks.

Today is Friday the 13th, a day where in the past, my work has conveniently fired several employees in past purges (no joke).

I have reached the end of my rope.

Last night, after work, I had to go to the allergist for my monthly allergy shots.

I parked my car near the office, opened the car door, and found a penny on the ground, head's up.

I literally said out loud to myself, "Maybe this is a good omen. I need some good luck."

Literally an hour after I found the penny, my wife and I bailed out of our vacation.

I still need some good luck.

Where it will come from is anyone's guess.

Have a good weekend. I will speak to you again on Monday.