Classic Rant #66 (August 13, 2009): Making Classic TV Shows Into Porn Movies Is Nuts!

Not that I pay too much attention to the world of porn, but several legitimate news organizations have had stories about a recent trend in porn: taking classic TV sitcoms and "sexing them up" for the adult film audience.

Already sexed up takeoffs on sitcoms include those poking fun (and other things) at Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, I Love Lucy and, you guessed it, The Brady Bunch.

One of the Brady Bunch movies--there are currently two, with a third one supposedly on the way--is running on Playboy TV this month. I checked it out. It is pure trash--something about the Marcia character sending lecherous messages to the Davy Jones character (yes, DAVY JONES of the Monkees, but not the real Davy Jones, of course, but a porn variation named DANNY Jones, leading a band called The Apes).

I guess she gets punished for her indiscretions, but, of course, in between the punishment comes the usual grunts and groans.

It is pure trash, as I said, but it is funny that they can get away with this type of stuff.

But then again, Hollywood has been ripping off classic sitcoms-to failed movies for decades, so the porn industry has nothing on them.

Does anyone remember The Honeymooners movie? How about Car 54, Where Are You (which I think one of the movie networks is running this month)? There are several others, too, which have polluted theaters.

So if the legitimate movie makers can do it, why can't "legitimate" porn studios?

The list of possible TV sitcom porn takeoffs is endless. I would suggest to the porn industry the following (send my check immediately):

Make Room For Daddy: Daddy is an entertainer, and shows off his fatherhood to all mankind.

The Patty Duke Show: Identical cousins--I mean, just think of the possibilities!

Mayberry R.F.D.: A small town, good looking men and women ... funny things happen in small towns, especially with Emmett the Fix-It man.

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir: Well, there is this ghost that comes to the house, but only Mrs. Muir can see him, touch him, feel him ...

Father Knows Best: Do what Father says, no matter what it is he is saying.

Get Smart: Two secret agents go at it with KAOS (heck, this has to be better than the legitimate movie that came out a few years back!).

Dennis the Menace: Dennis gets into a lot of trouble, especially with Mrs. Wilson, and Mr. Wilson gets steamed.

The Monkees: Since they have done their Davy Jones takeoff--by the way, this guy is neither British nor does he look like the singer at all--here we have four boys living together, playing together ... I better stop.

Leave It To Beaver: Enough said!