Classic Rant #1,206 (May 13, 2014): It's a Laugh

I promise, I am not going to talk ad nauseum about my car accident.

But yesterday ended up being a very, very busy day, and I can find humor in almost anything, even in this incident.

Just let me start off by saying that yesterday, I had to answer so many calls from insurance companies and others that I really do feel like a victim, because even if you are in the right, as I was, the way things are set up, you are almost harassed by the many questions that you have to answer, constantly, over the period of a day because of the severity of the accident.

I did most of this at work, which made it really difficult to get any work done.

Also, I still do not feel like myself, and I have scheduled a doctor's appointment for myself tonight.

Anyway, for the humor ...

I go to get the rental car, and I simply ask them for the cheapest car that they have.

The cheapest one is a Ford Mustang, a sports car that would have been wonderful if I was 25 and looking to pick up girls, but as a 57 year old married father of two, people probably think I am going through some type of mid-life crisis by driving this car.

It can go 169 mph if I wanted to, but honestly, I doubt I will go 55 with this thing.

When I was at the hospital, they bring me in to a room and make sure I am comfortable. Mind you, I am still stretched out on a gurney, completely immobilized, but they ask me how I am doing, and nothing really hurt--I did have a slight scrape on my leg, but that was pretty much it, at least at the time--so I was feeling OK, I guess.

All of a sudden, a female--I guess a nurse--is taking off my shoes, then my socks, then my pants.

I think I yelled out, "What is going on?" or something like that, and the woman says that I am being prepared I think for a CAT scan.

I tell her that I have my wallet in my pocket, and I think I said to her, " ... and I expect to find that wallet right where it is when I come back."

I do remember that when I was rolled back, and told that I was fine and that I could get dressed, I did go into my wallet and counted my money.

Also in the hospital, I needed a security guard to escort me to where my wife and son were being checked out.

The guard said he liked my jacket. The jacket was a present from my wife, a Knicks jacket, and I have gotten a lot of response from a lot of people about this jacket.

Anyway, the guard says to me, "I shouldn't like that jacket, but I do."

I ask him why, and he says that his cousin played for the Knicks, and that his cousin did not have a good time playing for them.

"Who is your cousin," I asked.

He said Stephon Marbury.

If you are a basketball fan, you know the story of Marbury, and ultra-talented basketball player who seemed to be always on the outs. His reputation always preceded him wherever he played, and it probably led to the fact that his career was cut short not by his talent, but by his bad reputation.

It was serendipity, I thought, that I met this guy.

I told him to get a job at the Barclay's Center, where the Nets play--yes, Marbury once played for them, too--and by that time, we had located by family, so the conversation ended.

I know, these aren't laugh out loud funnies, but they make me smile, so at this point, I will take what I can get.

The one most annoying thing is that I am unable to get the police report. The local police have farmed out this part of their routine to an outside source, and not only do I have to wait to get this made available to me, I am going to have to pay for it, too.

After getting different responses from different police officers about how to obtain this necessary item, I finally was led to the right place, but I am not too happy about it.

I am almost killed in a car accident that I did not cause, yet I have to pay for the full report of this accident?

The humanity of it all!

Anyway, I am still alive, and my family is still alive, to laugh at all of this nonsense.

It is going to take a few weeks, but our lives will be put back together once I get a check in the mail from the other insurance company and I am able to buy a new car.

This is not the way I recommend to buy a new car, but it is, unfortunately, the way I am going to have to do this.

So let me at least enjoy driving my femalepickupmobile for this week, and I will let you know how things turn out when they do.