Rant #2,453: Cheeseburgers In Paradise

I am back, and although I am not wimpy, I want to talk about hamburgers.

No, not the cheeseburgers in the title, but what goes for hamburgers nowadays.

I got an immediate education in what is, and what really isn't a hamburger the other day, and I want to share it with you.

I am on something of a slight diet, and I am trying to stay away from red meat as much as possible.

I have tried some of the "faux meat" products, and some of them are good, some of them are so-so, and some of them are absolutely terrible.

And I do eat fast food a few times a week due to my schedule, and I must admit that I have been taken by Burger King's Impossible Burger Whopper meal.

As we spoke about in a Rant from several days ago (Rant #2,425, August 9, 2019), the Impossible Burger is a plant-based non-meat burger that the fast food giant is offering customers right now. It is higher priced than a regular burger, of course, but at least when you eat it, you aren't eating a meat-based product, so it is perfect for vegans or for people who just want to stay away from the red meat, like me.

And no, do not believe what you read, it does not taste like a regular Whopper, no way, no how. It has something in it that makes it kind of taste like a regular hamburger, but since it isn't a regular hamburger, it doesn't taste like one.

But at least it is highly edible, and it does replicate eating a regular Whopper if that is what you want to eat.

Anyway, on this past Saturday, my son wanted Burger King for dinner, so off I went to the local BK to get him his usual meal, which is about 20 chicken nuggets, fries and a drink.

So while ordering his meal, I decided that it was going to be the Impossible Burger Whopper meal for me, with onion rings instead of fries, so that is what I ordered,

But I ended up ordering two of the Impossible Burgers, one with the meal and one just on its own, so I would have something to eat on Tuesday, one of my late days during the week.

My son goes to his therapist on Tuesday evening, and I take him there after I am done with my workday. We often do not get home until after 7 p.m., which means that I often eat dinner on Tuesdays at 7:30 p.m. or later, and I need something a bit heavier during my lunch that day so I am not totally starved.

Thus, sometimes i get some extra fast food on the weekend that I hold over and that I eat on Tuesdays at lunch. It has worked out well for me, and the other plus is that at least once a workweek, my wife doesn't have to prepare lunch for me, since it is already there.

So I ordered the Impossible Whopper for me to eat yesterday. I brought it home, put it in the refrigerator, and forgot about it for a few days until I needed it. On Tuesday morning, I packed it away in my lunch bag, and I had it for lunch on Tuesday.

Well, let me tell you that the Impossible Burger became truly impossible on Tuesday during lunch. Whatever attributes it had fresh on Saturday were completely lost by Tuesday, and what I ended up eating was a hockey puck with lettuce and pickle atop it.

It was difficult to get through, but somehow I did.

Having it refrigerated for a few days robbed the patty of whatever taste they put into it to make it palatable, and while you can get away with this with a regular Whopper--believe me, I have done this on more than one occasiou--you cannot do this with an Impossible Whopper.

Perhaps if I froze it I would have had better results, but who knew? And I am not going to try to freeze it, because I am not going to buy an extra Impossible Whopper in the foreseeable future.

Hockey pucks are for hockey, not for my stomach.

Perhaps I will try it when they create a burger that does not contain meat and that you don't have to eat immediately, but the Impossible Burger truly is impossible when not eating it right off the grill, or however they cook it.

Take it from me, it was a lesson learned, and I won't do it again.

Even Whimpy would have turned away such a burger after the first bite.