Rant #1,672: Friday the 13th

The last two days, I talked about monsters, one of the fictional kind, the other, well, kind of real.

Today, I am going to talk about Friday the 13th.

Through the ages, Friday the 13th is a day that has been thought to be unlucky.

Black cats, walking under ladders ... and Friday the 13th.

Today has been thought to be a really bad day.

Thinking back, I can remember that a few years ago at my place of work, we had a purge on this day that necessitated a day of meetings, a day that we were waiting for the next fired victim to emerge, a day of total panic.

I guess I was lucky on that day that it I wasn't one of the unlucky recipients of the ax, and yes, I am still at this place of work, 20 years into it.

And today is actually shaping up to be a good day, because no matter what happens today, at least for me, today is a payday, and money makes everything look good.

But honestly, things are not that good on the work front, so I might as well look at it from that perspective.

I am working for a company that is going down the tubes, as many companies that put out print publications are suffering today as the move to digital media picks up steam.

That I work for a trade publication, producing specialty magazines, makes it that much worse.

The company I work for, I have been told, is teetering into uneasy territory.

Our ads are down, and that means, the company's income is down.

They have pared off more workers during the past year, and we are working with what amounts to a thin staff--not yet skeleton, but that could be coming.

The future does not look good for my publication or my company, and thus, for my job.

I was just turned down for a raise again--on Thursday, the 12th--and that makes it several years since I have gotten anything.

I won't tell you exactly how long, but let's just say that another president was in office since the last one.

No, I am not joking, that is true.

I am paying more for my health costs, I have the same bills that everyone has, and with everything added together, I am making less today than I did a few years ago.

So, what am I to do?

I do not know, I really don't.

I don't mind the job. It has its ups and downs like every job has, but the basic job is a decent one.

I have gone down with the ship on other publications and companies I have worked for, and I know the feeling when it happens.

So again, what do I do?

This company isn't dead just yet, and it does provide me income that I can live with now, even if it is barely.

I am 59, and quite honestly, who is going to hire me at that age?

Look, I have been out of work two extended periods in my life, and I never want to go through that type of experience again.

So if my ego lets me, I guess I will continue to ply my trade where I am, but it doesn't mean that I have to be happy about it. And as an eternal optimist, you never know, maybe things will turn around ... and maybe I am being foolish to think that, but I guess in this situation, I have to think that way to keep my own sanity.

Yes, this is a monster for me, but I don't have anywhere to turn, anywhere to go.

So on this Friday the 13th, I ponder my future, and wonder if the past 20-plus years that I have given to this company have been worth it--or have I just been spinning my wheels?

I have no answer to that, but as for professional pride, yes, I do have that, and I guess that is what will carry me through this entire episode to the end.

I guess ... .

Have a good weekend, and I will speak to you again on Monday.