Rant #3,352: Happy

And today is another anniversary day for myself and my family, but it is a much more solid--and substantial--occasion than what I described to you yesterday.

Today, 36 years ago, I became a father for the first time when my daughter was born.

It was a monumental occasion in my life, and just like I was the first in everything in my family when I was born, the same thing could be said for my daughter--

She was the first child, the first grandchild, the first great grandchild, the first daughter ... and her coming into this world was  really the first time I had to seriously think of somebody other than myself in my life.

It was a really happy time for me, but honestly, there was so much going on in my life at that time, looking back, it kind of blinded me to a lot of things that followed.

Here is a snippet about that period in my life from Rant #1,212, May 21, 2014.

"I remember the exact moment my life changed forever and I became a father.

I was there when she was born, and I was also there when they rushed my daughter to the hospital's intensive care unit.

It was done as a precaution. I won't go into the details, but I went from being a proud father to someone who did not know what was going on.

Again, without going into details, the doctor who delivered my daughter did something that he should not have done, and it nearly had harmful effects on my daughter.

He retired right after this birth, and I hope his retirement was better than his final delivery.

Anyway, when she was in the ICU, she was put between two boys who were no bigger than your fist.

I looked at her, I looked at them, and I knew my daughter would survive, because she was about five times the size of these two boys put together.

Although I never knew their names, I wonder if those kids survived as preemies.

Anyway, because my then-wife was so sick from the delivery and the incompetence of the doctor, I was the one who held my daughter first, who fed her, and who cleaned her.

My then-wife remained in the hospital while we brought my daughter home.

What happened happened between my then-wife and myself, but I always tried to be close with my daughter."

I am proud of my daughter and what she has subsequently accomplished in life, but somehow, I know I missed out on a lot of things when her mother and I divorced.

I tried to be as close to my daughter as possible, but for one reason or another, I was shut out of a lot of things due to what I will call "forces beyond my control."

None of the stuff that I went through would be acceptable today, but as the parent without physical custody--I did have joint custody--I was prevented from doing things related to my daughter, things thst simply would not be acceptable--and lawful--today.

But much of this happened in the 1990s, and things in the legal system having to do with parenting have changed so much in the past 30 years.

That being what it was, and is today, I have tried to be the best parent I can be to my daughter, but I always think I fall short of having that real father/daughter bond.

I saw my daughter on my birthday, but I have not seen my daughter on her own birthday for more than a decade, maybe going on nearly two decades.

I will text her a "Happy Birthday" wish a little later this morning, and I sent her a gift which she has acknowledged.

She has a successful career, lives with her boyfriend right here on Long Island, and I see her sparingly during the year, which means my son, her only sibling, hasn't really gotten to know her.

All this makes me sad, but if she is happy, then I am happy for her.

I hope she has a great birthday, and I hope she has many, many more.