Classic Rant #1,186 (April 15, 2014): Matzoh Stomach

We had our seder last night.

I have to say, it was an excellent seder.

We were at my sister's house, and she put on a great get-together.

She led our seder, and we went through all of the rituals.

My aunt was there, which was an added bonus, and everything went well.

Now, today, it is the first full day of Passover, we have our second seder tonight with my parents, and I am sure everything will be just as good as it was during the first seder.

This is also the first full day of the affliction I call "matzoh stomach," which I have gotten to various degrees over the years.

It generally comes when one eats too much matzoh, and since I love matzoh--the "bread" of passover, which is basically unleavened bread--I am prone to having such a malady, which comes and goes very quickly.

Everything eaten during this holiday is very heavy, and certainly, matzoh adds to the heaviness.

So at times, when one consumes lots of matzoh, one feels so bloated and corroded that you feel like you cannot move.

It either stuffs you up or lets you out, if you know what I mean, and the bathroom can be your best friend during this holiday.

Last year, I had absolutely no matzoh stomach problems, but you can't say that the problems are over simply because the previous year you had no problems.

It hits you like a lead hammer to your stomach, and when you have it, you have it.

Hopefully, I won't get it this year, but you never know.

I did not gorge myself with food yesterday, and I think that that is the key to this whole thing.

As long as you don't overeat, you are fine ... I think.

As I am getting older, I simply can't eat as much as I used to, anyway, so it really isn't that difficult to lay off too much of everything.

The problem is that everything is so, so good that you really do have to hold yourself back.

So on tax day, the second night of Passover, I say that I will not get matzoh stomach this year.

It used to be as inevitable as paying taxes, but I think I found out a way to avoid matzoh stomach, and I am going to stick with it!

And, by the way, happy birthday to my youngest nephew, who turns 18 today, and to my old friend from my old neighborhood, David, who turns 57 today.

I catch up with my old friend in 13 days, and matzoh stomach or not matzoh stomach, I plan on celebrating that day in a big way.

By taking a day off from work and not doing very much of anything.

And by that time, this year's Passover will be but a memory, and matzoh stomach, hopefully, won't be around to haunt me.