Classic Rant #1,147 (February 19. 2014): Full Bodied

Amidst the snow, the despair, the back pain, the what have you, there is always an oasis to go to during the winter months that makes everything feel a bit warmer than it really is.

And that is the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

The covers for the issue were released yesterday, and with a "flip" cover, which is actually a double cover, you can pick the type of model that you like the best, I guess.

On what is the front cover, you have a picture of three topless models cavorting together.

Each one of them looks like they haven't eaten in about a year.

They are as skinny as Olive Oyl, and no, you don't see anything, of course, but these girls look like they are in need of a hamburger.

Quite honestly, they look bullimic to me, barely there.

Sickening, to me.

Then you turn to what is the back cover, and you get someone who, well, I only have to say her name. That is all you need to know.

Kate Upton.

Ms. Upton, with all the airbrushes and such, is perfectly proportioned.

She has curves in all the right places, with a very pretty face, too.

She not only hasn't missed any meals, whatever she has eaten has gone to the right places.

She is wearing a bikini that appears to be either pasted on or painted on, so no, you don't see anything, but you see enough, if you get my drift.

You could not possibly have her with the other three models because she would look out of place with the three stick figures.

Yes, I am a male chauvinist pig, and I don't mind saying it.

But in this country, where eating disorders are rampant among teenage girls who want to fit into what they consider to be the norm, I find the first cover sickening, the back cover refreshing.

Of course, I am looking at this from a male perspective, and I am sure that many males would disagree with me about this.

And many females too.

But give me Kate Upton, and a woman with real curves, any day over stick figures.

To me, the first cover is unhealthy, the second is perfect.

And this issue supposedly includes something about Barbie--yes, the doll, believe it or not!--so if you want to investigate the supposed offensiveness of this issue, I guess you can move from the cover to the inside pages themselves.

I never understood the fascination some people have with how Barbie is, well, put together. It is a doll, that is it, not a social icon. But I am sure many people will be offended by that.

Not me. That is a doll, nothing more. Would I be offended if Playgirl had a pictorial on, say, G.I. Joe?

Anyway, marvel at the photos I have provided, and enjoy them.

Kind of thaws out what we have been experiencing, doesn't it?