Classic Rant #1,021 (August 15, 2013): Funky Benjamins

Let me just say at the outset that I have an uncle named Benjamin, but I have called him "Uncle Bobby" for as long as I can remember.

That being said, the Benjamins I am going to talk about here have nothing to do with him, and, even though his picture is on the things I am going to talk about, I doubt that Benjamin Franklin would be too proud today.

Evidently, reports are that the redesigned $100 bill is faulty, and other reports say that the bill is so faulty that an entire order of these new bills was recently destroyed.

The Bureau of Engraving and Printing has hit some type of production snafu at one of the country's two currency factories--the one in Texas, where everything is "bigger," of course, and it has fouled up production.

According to reports, the problem is something known as "mashing," where too much ink has been applied to the paper, making the bills unusable because it fouls up the anti-counterfeit measures put into these bills.

Let me tell you, by the time I pay off the people I owe money to, I don't see too many $100 bills in my wallet, anyway.

But I would love to get my hands on these new Benjamins, legitimately, of course.

It would fill a hole in my wallet that is probably a mile deep by now.

My wife is a bank teller, and has been one for more than 20 years.

She tells me that after a short while, these bills, and any other bills that she handles at the job, are nothing more than paper with pictures on them.

I guess because of her job, that is the way she must feel, but to me, well, those "papers" feel different from any other papers I handle throughout the day.

But I guess I am happy that this supposedly bad shipment was destroyed, because you don't want any funky looking money on the market.

This isn't Monopoly money, you know.

The most garish fake paper money I ever saw was in the game of "Life," when they put TV personality Art Linkletter's picture on the $100,000 bills and others on the other "money" used in the game.

I guess he was promoting the game, but to put his face on them ... heck, Ben Franklin has nothing to fear.

Anyway, I look in my wallet now, and there are lots of singles, but no hundreds.

Oh well, back to living from paycheck to paycheck for me.

I will meet up with old Ben next week, and I hope he is kind enough to stay around a bit.