Rant #2,495: You Make Me Feel Brand New

Yes, I did oversleep again.

Due to the wet weather we had yesterday in my neck of the woods, my body was barking last night really bad.

I watched WWE wrestling--the Monday Night Raw show--with my son, and fell asleep midway through it.

But I did wake up to see the supposed marriage between two wrestlers--Lana and Bobby Lashley--which is a storyline that has gone on for way too long on the show. If you don't know anything about it, on the show, Lana was married to another wrestler--the Bulgarian, Rusev--but all of a sudden has the hots for Lashley, one thing led to another, and Lana and Lashley were to be married on the show yesterday.

(As an aside, in real life, Lana and Rusev are happily married and Lashley has just left his long-time partner, herself a former wrestler, with whom he has a couple of children with.)

Anyway, as wrestling weddings on the show go, this one went into the toilet, with former suitors of both Lana and Lashley--both male and female--throwing the whole wedding off balance.

And the inevitable happens, which is that Rusev was hiding in the massive wedding cake, and ends up beating Lashley to a pulp.

After taking what amounted to a nap, this whole thing woke me up but good, but for the entire three-hour show, I was hurting, and I had to move around a bit until I found a good place to sit. I guess all the moving around, and the hurting, put me to sleep, but after this sham marriage played out, it just woke me up, and my left side was hurting bad.

I tried to sleep in the bed, but I was really in pain. I moved back to the living room, where I watched the show with my son, and I finally conked out on a chair we have in there that opens up and you can put your legs out on it.

Some time after that, I crawled into bed, and that was that for me.

I admit that I simply could not get up this morning, the final morning of the year 2019.

Not only do I hurt, but this was a hurting year for me.

Constant threats of unemployment were realized throughout the year, culminating with the inevitable on October 10, and nearly three months later, I am no closer to finding a job than I was on Day One.

My father has been sick off and on the past three months or so, but he seems to have made a remarkable recovery, and we should all be as healthy as my 88-year-old parents are when we hopefully reach that age.

Other than that, this year was another spoke on the wheel, another notch on the board, really not much of a year to remember.

I, personally, look forward to the ball dropping and being rid of this year.

I need a new start, and the coming of 2020 seems to be the new start that I need.

This should be an interesting year, not just for me personally, but more importantly, for the nation as a whole. We vote for president in November, and just let me say right now the following: let's see what happens.

As I alluded to yesterday, our nation is badly in need of repair, yet the U.S.A. remains the greatest country to live in in the entire world. There is no place else that presents so many great opportunities, and the more some of us try to put us down and change what we have, the stronger we become.

We are not perfect, but name me a better place to be--you can't, because this country is, and will remain, head and shoulders above everywhere else.

So what is my New Year's wish?

It is simple: health and prosperity for us all.

I will speak to you again on Thursday.

Have a Happy New Year!

Classic Rant #1,163 (March 13, 2014): Spoiled Brat

What the heck is going on in New Jersey lately?

First, we have those two realtors I talked about yesterday, who were using a house they were supposed to be selling as their own pleasure pad.

Now we have the story about a New Jersey honor student who sued her parents to support her after she moved out of their home.

She has now reunited with her parents, and the family is now asking for privacy.

Yeah, right.

This was probably one of the dumbest lawsuits I could ever remember, as the daughter was suing her parents for everything from school tuition to overall child support.

She claimed that her parents were abusive, even having the audacity to force her to take a basketball scholarship.

They also disapproved of her boyfriend, who they thought was a bad influence on her, and didn't like the fact that she was starting to abuse alcohol.

If this all sounds like a typical parent-teenager confrontation, well, it pretty much was.

The only wrinkle to this nonsense was that the girl was living with a family where the husband instigated the lawsuit.

First of all, that lawyer should face some punishment himself for foisting this nonsense on the court. It cluttered up a court system that has too many cases on its dockets to begin with, and he should know better.

Second, if this thing got so out of hand, it should have been handled with mediation, not in a courtroom.

According to the girl's attorney, the notoriety of this case "had damaged the family."

And what about the launching of such a suit? Didn't this idiot lawyer think about that when he filed the suit?

Frankly, this kid sounds like a snooty, snotty spoiled brat that is simply reacting to her parents telling her "no" for probably the first time in her life.

She goes to a snooty private high school, lives in a snooty rich town, and was never taught what the word "no" means.

Well now, I hope that she knows what it means.

Evidently, the girl and her parents have settled this "amicably," a word that I have learned in my personal life to be the phoniest word in the English language.

There is no such thing as an "amicable" disagreement or an "amicable" divorce.

Somebody gets hurt by these things, so how can things be "amicable?"

If things were "amicable," there wouldn't be these types of disagreements and everything would be hunky dory, right?

However, in this particular case, the court system is not immune to being stupid, and I am not going to let them get off the hook.

Why they let this case proceed to the point that it did is beyond me. It should have been thrown out at the earliest instance.

And now, the court has extended this nonsense, as while the judge in the case threw out the girl's claims that her parents not only owed her school tuition but full child support, he is still scheduled an April court date to consider the question about whether her parents are financially obligated to support their adult daughter.

What the court should do is to refer this entire case out of the court setting and to some type of mediator, but even that will bring this case to a level that it should never have been brought to.

The girl is in need of some psychological counseling, and the parents don't exactly sound like winners either. I mean, why were they so indulgent to her throughout her life? Maybe they don't know what the word "no" means, either.

However, let's say my son asks for a new computer, which he actually has done already.

Let's say I tell him no, I can't give it to him.

Can he take me to court?

He is 18, will be 19 in August. In some states, he is already considered an adult.

Happily, in my case, that won't happen, because he knows what the word "no" means.

Funny, such a little word has such a big meaning, and I find it totally incredible that that word, or the complete lack of understanding about its meaning, gets so many people in so much trouble.

Rant 2,494: No

Hanukkah 2019 has reached its conclusion.

The eighth, and final candle was lit last night, and my family has put is menorah away for another year.

But one thing that we cannot put away is the feeling that this Hanukkah will be remembered not for family and for gifts and for joy, but for the anti-Semitism that reared its ugly head in the New York Metropolitan area during the eight-day celebration.

During each day of the holiday, violence was perpetrated on Jews in New York, New Jersey and in upstate New York, everything from throwing drinks at Jews and making anti-Semitic remarks to more horrid acts, such as murder.

The attacks have been directed at Hassidic Jews, who stand out from others because of their dress,

And the attacks have been centered around, but not relegated to, areas of large Hassidic populations, such as Crown Heights and Jersey City.

Due to these attacks, politicians like Mayor deBlasio and Governor Cuomo have, predictably, chastised the attacks, and have ordered an increase in police presence to try to thwart those who perpetuate this violence towards Hassidic Jews and Jews in general.

But I wonder if they are missing something, a common thread that draws all of these incidents during Hanukkah together, a movement that is certainly drawing fire--as well as enthusiasm--from many people on social media, including Facebook.

The politicians are not facing the one fact, and the only fact, that is linking these random acts together: the unfortunate link that all of these incidents have been committed by African Americans, people of color.

Now, before you get crazy and say that I am condemning an entire race of people, no, I am not, not at all. Blacks and Jews have thrived together, arm in arm, for generations, and I am not going to condemn an entire race for the acts of a few. Nor am I am going to condemn caucasians everywhere because of white supremacists' hatred of Jews.

But let's look at the facts in the recent New York Metropolitan area incidents: all of the perpetrators, each and every one, was black. This should tell all of us something, but evidently, our politicians do not want to touch on this hot-button topic, so as not to alienate a large portion of their constituency.

But my take on this is if you do not get to the root of the problem, you are never going to solve the problem, and in this area, the problem is that black leaders, who themselves should know better, have created this schism with their rhetoric, have not condemned these attacks, have not spoken up, and have generally remained silent, even though each and every one has been perpetuated by someone of their own race.

I have seen undercurrents of this on social media, particularly on Facebook, where I have read messages of hate from some blacks, even going to the extreme at claiming that the current Jewish population is not Jewish at all, that their European forefathers stole the religion from the true Jews, African blacks, centuries ago.

They spew their hatred freely on social media, and claim that the rise in anti-Semitism is what Jews deserve, because they are simply pretenders to the throne, so to speak, and are as false as a $3 bill.

There is a definite schism in place here. All that I know is that when both Jews and blacks were both looked at as maybe on the level of dogs, or even below that, the two groups forged a common bond, one that saw them marching arm and arm during the civil rights years.

Jews and blacks were strong together, and black leaders of the time--including the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.--not only revered their brotherhood with the Jewish people, but fully, without hestitation, supported Israel as the home of Jews worldwide.

What has happened during the past 50 or more years to dissipate that brotherhood?

I think the brotherhood remains, is still there, and is still strong.

However, the undercurrents of outrage by some in the black community have become supercharged in recent times, and the more ignorant of the flock are being led by people who are themselves anti-Semitic, and they follow these people as if being pulled by rings in their noses.

I don't have to name names, you know who these supposed leaders are; people who bathe themselves in the tenets of the church, yet don't follow any of the church's principals regarding loving everyone.

Yes, the exact same thing can be said about white nationalists, who follow their own leaders into moral sin, looking at the Jews as the reason for all that is bad in the world.

Yes, ignorant blacks and white supremacists are strange bedfellows, but they both believe that the ridding of the world of Jews is their mandate.

However, in the Hanukkah attacks on Hasidic Jews, it appears that only blacks have been the perpetrators, and again, our politicians must get to the root of the problem--why are some blacks turning on what amounts to their brethren in recent times? Why does this anti-Semitism exist? What can be done to quell it, and stop it before it spreads further?

That is what the deBlasios and Cuomos of the world must be looking at.

Sure, they are outraged, and they should be.

But when the sole common link in the recent attacks is the perpetrators' color, that absolutely has to be looked into as well.

deBlasio, for one, has started the ball rolling on this, ordering that curriculums in areas with high rates of blacks and Hasidim living together include teachings about tolerance. This, of course, should be a citywide and statewide order, and maybe even a national order, but you have to begin with something. Education is always the key, so maybe this will work.

But to get at the root of the problem, you have to point your fingers at the supposed leaders of this community, who have perpetuated hate for generations, with the recent outcomes simply being the result of that hate.

Giving reverence to any of these leaders is wrong, has always been wrong, and is even more wrong today.

Enough is enough. It is time to say no.

And if no one else is going to say it, then that pains me.

And it pains me as a Jew and as a human being.

Classic Rant #1,162 (March 12, 2014): Hot Real Estate

OK, I don't know where that plane went either.

Maybe because of global warming, the Bermuda Triangle has shifted, and it went into there, never to be seen or heard from again.

But that isn't the top story of the day, not by a long shot.

Today's top story took place in New Jersey.

A married couple, Richard and Sandra Weiner, are suing two real estate agents, Robert Lindsay and Jeannemarie Phelan (both pictured here), as well as their broker, Coldwell Banker, because they claim the agents intentionally overpriced their home so they could use it as, now get this, "a play pad to have sexual relations."

But the Weiners are no dummies. Their home has surveillance cameras all around, and yes, film footage from these cameras show that Lindsay and Phelan had sexual relations throughout the house numerous times from December 2011 through January 2012.

After watching the footage, the married couple claim they were "uncomfortable and disgusted" even being in the house they once called their home.

And yes, there is a countersuit by Lindsay, believe it or not, against the Weiners. He says they tried to get $1 million out of him in return for the sex tapes.

So if Lindsay is launching such a countersuit, then the trysts actually happened, he and his lady are guilty, but of course, they have to go through the court system first.

Of course, my first question is, why did it take so long for the Weiners--no relation to Anthony Weiner, I hope--to file this lawsuit?

Was there so much footage of the amorous pair that it took them more than two years to watch everything?

My second question is, why couldn't the amorous couple have found a motel room to do their thing in? Why this home?

And since when is the sex more important then the money for real estate brokers?

I worked in a real estate office for several years early in my career, and covered the business later on as a writer.

Money is No. 1 with these people, as I guess it should be. If they overpriced the home, who was going to take it anyway? Did they feel that they would find some sucker to take the overpriced house, and their "pre-commission commission" was several rolls in the hay?

And again, why did the Weiners wait so long to file the suit? Maybe they tried to get a settlement from Coldwell Banker, it did not meet the amount that they wanted, so they decided to sue ...

And if that is true, with the suit and countersuit, then everyone involved involved here is prostituting himself or herself in a crazy sort of way.

But on the other hand, if people you trusted to sell your house were actually using it as their own sex den, you would probably feel as violated as the Weiners do.

This is another one of those cases where we have only heard a kernel of what was really going on, and we might or might not hear the rest.

And maybe that's for the better.

Real estate agents overstepping their boundaries and having sex in a home that they were supposedly trying to sell ... what a concept!

It would probably make for a great TV movie on Lifetime, or to the extreme, maybe the next great porn film.

Nah, I am sure the latter has been done already, and maybe the former too.

Rant #2,493: Someday We'll Be Together Leaving On a Jet Plane With Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head Down On the Corner

How did Christmas go for you?

How about Kwanzaa?

What about the fourth and fifth days of Hanukkah?

Everything is percolating now in the holiday department, and it all leads up to New Year's Eve and New Year's Day next week.

Then, oh so suddenly, we return to some normalcy on January 2, and the holidays are but a distant memory for us, as we look forward to a busy 2020.

But first, at least here, we are going to look back 50 years, to the tail end of 1969, and revisit the Billboard Hot 100, and see what the general population was listening to on the radio on the AM dial.

Little did we know that just a few years later, Top 40 radio would be pretty much obliterated by the popularity of FM radio, and much of the music we listened to--whether pop or rock or whatever the latest permutation was--would be coming almost exclusively from the FM dial.

So let's go back to December 27, 1969, and some would consider this the last Top 10 chart of the 1960s as we veered on in to the 1970s decade.

Coming in at No. 10 was R.B. Greaves' "Take a Letter Maria," one of the great story songs of the decade, and the singer's biggest hit.

The next entry down the line at No. 9 was an interesting one. People do not remember that Led Zeppelin, the quintessential FM album rock band, released numerous singles during its reign. But they did, and perhaps their biggest AM radio hit was "Whole Lotta Love."

At No. 8 was the hottest act on the planet at the time. The Jackson 5 were red hot, and continued to sizzle with perhaps the best of their early Motown hits, "I Want You Back."

Some would argue that the Beatles were actually the hottest act on the planet at the time, and you really cannot argue with that thought. Their two-sided single, "Come Together/Something," came in at No. 7 for the week, and while the band was beginning to crumble, they had a bit more up their sleeves in the months to come.

One of the great songwriters of the 1960s had one of his biggest solo hits this week. Neil Diamond's "Holly Holy" came in at No. 6.

At No. 5 was a former No. 1 record, "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" by the studio band called Steam, a song which has found its way into the sports pantheon as a "kiss off" tune for losing visiting teams.

Creedence Clearwater Revival never had a No. 1 hit in the United States, but they came close several times. Their two-sided single, "Down On the Corner/Fortunate Son," was one of these hits that just missed the top spot, coming in at No. 4 on this week's chart.

B.J. Thomas has had a long career with numerous hits, but "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head" was probably his biggest single, coming in at No. 3 this week and then becoming the first No. 1 hit single of the 1970s the following week.

At No. 2 was one of the final hit singles by one of the acts that defined the 1960s. Peter, Paul and Mary's "Leaving On a Jet Plane," written by burgeoning singer songwriter John Denver, fell from the top spot the previous week to the followup spot this week.

And finally, at No. 1, and the final No. 1 single of the 1960s was--

"Someday We'll Be Together" by Diana Ross and the Supremes, the supposed farewell song for Diana Ross with this iconic trio. The Interesting thing was that Ross was the only Supreme to appear on the record, with other backup singers used to replace Mary Wilson and Cindy Birdsong, so, in effect, the song was less a farewell by Ross than the first hit of her solo career, even if it wasn't listed as such.

The highest debut single on this week's chart was Tom Jones' "Without Love (There Is Nothing)," which came into the Hot 100 at No. 50. The song would reach the No. 5 position in a few weeks' time.

The biggest mover on the Hot 100 this week--the single that moved up the most place from the past week to this week--was Smokey Robinson and the Miracles' "Point It Out," a pretty much forgotten tune of theirs that went from No. 64 to No. 40. The song only inched up to No. 37 during its run, perhaps diluted by the fact that some DJs played the flip, "Darling Dear," instead of the A side. The B side, however, only reached No. 100.

So there you have it, what some believe was the final Billboard Hot 100 Top 10 chart of the 1960s. Lots of good stuff on this chart, and there was more to come in 1970. a year when the Beatles and the Jackson 5 remained hot as could be, but there were other acts also making lots of inroads on the AM and FM radio music scene.

I hope you have a great weekend. Speak to you again on Monday.

Classic Rant #1,161 (March 11, 2014): Happy Birthday, Mom

Today is my mother's birthday.

She is 83 years young today.

I cannot believe that she is that age.

She has the get up and go that puts others to shame. With her inner resilience, you would swear that she is about a third of her real age.

Yes, she puts younger people to shame.

She is the matriarch of our family, and she pushes the patriarch, my father, to do things.

If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't do much of anything, other than work a few days a week.

He likes to sit and watch TV.

My mother cannot sit still.

And that has been the secret of their marriage of 58 years; opposites attract, they really do.

My mother is about eight and a half months older than my father. My father always says he married an older woman. I followed in his footsteps--my wife has me by about five and a half months--and it worked for him, and it worked for me.

Anyway, back to my mother ...

In grade school, she studied my spelling words with me so I would do well in my spelling tests.

In high school, she studied Spanish with me every day so I would do well on my Spanish regents.

In college, she studied various subjects with me, some of which she really didn't understand, so I would get my bachelor's degree.

In graduate school, she studied Shakespeare with me so I would get my master's degree.

She helped me along from day one in areas that you couldn't ever imagine.

She did things I didn't understand, too.

When I was a little kid, she had me take off much of my clothes in the hallway, because I was so full of dirt from playing outside that she didn't want any of it in the apartment.

She made me take off my shoes before I entered the apartment, too, all the time. And had my friends do it, yet.

She used to get angry when I would slam the door, which I still do.

She washed my mouth out with soap when kids taught me filthy language, and I said something raunchy to her (I was too young to even understand what I was saying).

And when she screams "Lawrence!," I still cringe to this day. I know I am in lots of trouble.

But all in all, she has been not only my mother, but to me, the best mom that this guy could have ever had.

Thanks mom. I hope I turned out OK.

Happy birthday, and many, many more.

Rant 2,492: Christmas Is My Time of Year

... to sleep. To oversleep. To not sleep at all.

Yes, I overslept pretty badly today, but that was only because I didn't sleep very well last night, as my back and left side absolutely kill me during the evenings.

I cannot get comfortable during sleep--which is a classic complaint for those that have sciatica--and I move from one room to another to try to get comfortable.

I did fall asleep pretty well initially--I conked out about 10 p.m. sitting in front of the TV, while my son and I were watching the WWE Raw show while employing an ice pack on my left side--and then around 11 p.m., I crawled into the bed, and slept for about two hours more--but by 1 a.m., I was out and about, in some discomfort.

For the next few hours, I was in my bedroom, in the living room, back in bed, back in the living room, and by about 4:30, I finally crawled into bed for the next two and a half hours. That is why this Rant is so late.

So all in all, I slept from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.--kinda--but it was not a restful sleep at all.

I go for an MRI on Thursday--on the first day of Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, and my sister's birthday--so maybe that will tell for sure what ails me.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all!

Yes, even this Jewish boy has memories of Christmas.

When I was a kid growing up in Rochdale Village, South Jamaica, Queens, New York, I just remember that we were the real neighborhood of lights, as everyone had their menorahs up for Hanukkah and everyone else had their Christmas lights up, and you could look out my parents' bedroom's window and see a light show that was beyond compare.

I never even thought of snapping a photo of this extravaganza, something I regret to this day. It was a remarkable sight, for sure, and I wish I had a photo to show everyone just how special it was.

And yes, as kids, my sister and I watched all the Christmas specials on TV, and yes, we would have the Yule Log on in the house for at least an hour or two during Christmas.

Also, as I explained yesterday, music is and has always been part of the holiday season for us, and to this day, I have a Christmas record collection that really is impressive, everything from Paul Revere and the Raiders to the Four Seasons to the Royal Guardsmen and the Monkees ... some really nice stuff.

One year, I even made a tape of all my holiday music--Christmas and Hanukkah--but I cannot find it. I think I gave it away to someone, but I could make the same collection now, because I still have those records, and plenty more to fill it out.

Tonight, we are going to a Christmas Eve get together at my brother-in-law's house, and that should be fun.

And maybe tomorrow, we will actually sleep late on purpose.

So, have a great Christmas celebration, and I am going to have to take the next two days off from this Blog, because as I earlier said, on Thursday, I have to take an MRI, and I have to do it early in the day, so two days from now, right now, I will be in the machine having this done.

I will speak to you again on Friday.

Have a great holiday!

Classic Rant #1,160 (March 10, 2014): Vital Gore

My family and I had a pretty standard weekend, which means we went food shopping and didn't do much else ... sort of.

My son and I did get new suits for an upcoming wedding that we will be going to, but we did do something else that we hadn't done in months.

We went to the movies.

The movies used to be a common occurrence with my family. We used to go all the time, probably at least twice a month.

However, as I am sure you know from your own personal experiences, the movies have become a bit of a financial problem in recent times.

The prices per ticket are outrageous, and let's be honest about it, most of today's films are pure garbage anyway.

If you must see a movie, you can wait for it to come on one of the movie channels or "on demand," as they say.

So we ventured off yesterday to the movies for the first time in I would say maybe six months to see "300: Rise of An Empire," the second installment of the "300" series of movies.

The first one came out seven years ago, and we saw that one too, and enjoyed it for all of its glorified violence, so we figured we might like this one too.

And we did.

The story isn't really that important. In a film like this, you have to rate it by the gore factor, and this movie earned, on a scale of one to 10, a gore factor of about 25.

I have never seen so many heads chopped off in one film, so much blood spattered all over the place, so many swords go into bodies--and come out the other side--as in this film.

And all in 3D.

And this is not an all-male macho gorefest. Eva Green steals the entire show as the main protagonist, and she goes out, and chops off some heads too.

And then she gets harpooned herself.

She also has the most unerotic love scene I have ever seen in my life, where she tries to upstage her lover by a series of heaves that wouldn't turn on a strung-out nymphomaniac.

So it was blood, blood, and more blood everywhere, which we pretty much expected, anyway.

It was violence for violence's sake, and it worked very well.

What didn't work as well was the dent it made in my wallet.

And this is why we don't go to the movies more than a handful of times a year.

It cost me a total of $42--$14 a head--to see this film in 3D.

Sure, we could have saved a bundle by simply seeing it in 2D, but a film like this begs to be seen in 3D, with all the chopping and blood spattering all over the place.

So we splurged.

I simply said that we hadn't been to the theater in six months, we should see the movie in 3D.

Maybe that is stupid thinking, but that is how I justified paying such a price for the film.

And then they want the 3D glasses back yet!

There are a few more movies I am sure we will see this year, but even though we enjoyed the movie, I can't justify the expenditure of such a price to see a movie each and every time we decide to go.

And that is really why we don't go more often.

Heck, I don't know how young kids go out on dates in this day and age.

It is just so expensive. A first date has to cost the payer about $50.

When I was a kid, I never had that type of money in my wallet.

And as an adult, I guess I don't have that either.

Not after yesterday's movie, anyway.

Rant #2,491: Hanukah Rocks Snoopy's Christmas

Happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate this holiday.

We had a nice, quiet celebration, simply exchanging gifts and lighting our brand new menorah.

It was good, and perfect for our family at this point in time.

As for gifts, we did exchange them, and needless to say, I will be going to my local record store, once again, to dig for buried treasure.

Thanks to my family for all of that.

But even if I find some great records to add to my collection, as far as the holidays, they simply cannot top the two holiday-themed records that I am going to talk about here today.

I have loved these records for decades, and with both Hanukkah (or Hanukah or Chanukah--I still don't know if any or all are correct) and Christmas converging upon each other this year, it is a good time to review each of them, and explain why I enjoy them so much.

Honestly, there really aren't that many "modern" Hanukkah songs that are out there and popular during this time of season. Acts like Peter, Paul and Mary and the Barenaked Ladies have recorded Hanukkah songs, and many other acts have too, but you simply don't hear very many of them being played on the radio--with the exception of "The Hanukkah Song" by Adam Sandler, which has absolutely nothing to do with the holiday other than its name.

So if you want a real "modern" Hanukkah song--and that is what I wanted--I found one back in 1981 with Gefilte Joe and the Fish's "Hanukah Rocks."

Gefilte Joe and the Fish is actually a fictitious band, comprised of some of the people who started the fabled Rhino Records label. They, too, were not hearing modern Hanukkah songs anywhere, and then being a novelty record label, they put this song out, along with three other Jewish-parody songs, on a blue colored, Jewish star-shaped extended play record.

While it wasn't really a huge seller, I had heard about it and actually heard it way back when, had it on a few Rhino label compilations, but always wanted to actually own it--and I found it at my local record store within the past year. I gobbled it up, and yes, I found that it is all it is cracked up to be.

Yes, it is sophomoric, it is full of stereotypical Jewish dialect and jokes, but with all of that, it plays perfectly into the holiday. The other songs on the EP are even more sophomoric and stereotypical, but Jews and society in general need "Hanukah Rocks," because we have simply forgotten how to laugh at ourselves.

You can listen to it yourself at https://youtu.be/SDXjzYxg0Rk

The Royal Guardsmen were a pretty good rock act that got themselves completely pigeon-holed--and probably made a ton of money for their record label--by recording songs featuring the Peanuts character Snoopy. Way back in the mid-1960s, the Peanuts comic strip was becoming extremely popular with the then rising counterculture, and while the Royal Guardsmen's handing of the character was purely G-rated bubblegum, it brought Snoopy to an entirely new audience, little kids who knew nothing about "Peanuts" or Charles Schulz.

"Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron" (#2, 1966) and "The Return of the Red Baron" (#15, 1967) were huge sellers on the Laurie record label, and the belief was that a Snoopy Christmas record would also sell really well.

So in late 1967, "Snoopy's Christmas" roared onto Billboard's Christmas chart--holiday singles generally did not make the Hot 100 and were relegated to this separate chart--and it reached No. 1 on the holiday chart that year. It was such a popular song that it also made the Christmas chart in 1968 and 1969.

In New York, the song got immense airplay on WABC, and if it could have been included in the Hot 100 chart, the song probably would have made #1.

It made my personal Top Holiday Songs chart, and remains there more than 50 years later. is a catchy song, continuing the "epic" meeting of Snoopy and the Red Baron that was discussed in the first two hit singles, continuing that story, but doing so in the holiday spirit.

For me, when I hear that song on the radio, I know it is the holiday season. You can listen to it yourself at https://youtu.be/2sNLIs7G63s

I have to say that there is a close second on my Christmas song list, and that is "Riu Chiu" by the Monkees, which was finally included on a single this year on the Record Store Day release from the act on Rhino.

It is not really a Christmas song, but Peter, Micky, Mike and Davy sung it to perfection on their show's Christmas episode--which guest starred Butch Patrick, Eddie on "The Munsters"--and is a delightful song whether it is a Christmas song or not. Having it on that episode--and not having it officially released until decades later--added to the allure of the tune, which you can listen to at https://youtu.be/riG85oA6Wy4

So there you have it, my favorite holiday songs of all-time. I am sure that you have your own--what are they, and why are they your favorites?

Let's play and listen to them all during this wonderful holiday season!

Classic Rant #1,159 (March 7, 2014): The Big Game Show In the Sky

We lost another of the classic TV game show hosts this week.

Geoff Edwards, host of many game shows including “Treasure Hunt,” died this week at age 83.

Edwards hosted many, many game shows during his time on television, but unlike Jim Lange, who passed a week earlier, he wasn’t clearly associated with just one single game show.

And honestly, most of his game shows were relative flops.

But he made a name for himself on TV and on radio, particularly in California, where he was probably better known as a DJ and radio personality than as a TV game show host.

One remarkable fact that I found out about Edwards was that he was in the building when Lee Harvey Oswald was shot by Jack Ruby right after the JFK assassination in November 1963.

Edwards was one of the eyewitnesses that was interviewed about what he saw there.

Although many of his game shows were pretty much forgotten, Edwards made his mark more for the way he looked than for the shows themselves.

He was something of a trendsetter, breaking the mold of the staid game show host with a suit and tie and perfectly coiffed hair.

He wore jackets without ties, wore very visible chains around his neck, and his hair was fairly out of control.

That was certainly not the norm for a game show host of the time, but he played the period he was in very well.

In later years, he became a travel writer and blogger, but he will always be the answer to a pretty good trivia question:

Who subbed for Monty Hall on “Let’s Make a Deal” for a week while Hall suffered from laryngitis during the height of that program’s popularity?

It was Edwards, the sort of "Jack of all Trades" TV game show host who never really had a super popular show to be linked to, but was ubiquitous on television for decades.

R.I.P. Geoff, and since I hate ties, you are one of my heroes.

Rant #2,490: Hanukkah Rocks

I can't wait.

Everyone is getting their gifts ready, and anticipating what they will be receiving and hoping that what they got for their loved ones fit them well.

Some places fit the occasion, with snow on the ground and a chill in the air.

Other places are hot, humid, and well, you can go swimming right around now.

But the anticipation is there.

Yes, I am talking about ...

Hanukkah, which begins at sundown on Sunday.

This year, Hanukkah and Christmas fall out about the same time, so yes, exactly what I could say about the latter I can say about the former.

This is what I said about Hanukkah in Rant #641, December 20, 2011, another year when the two holidays came out around the same time of year. In edited form, it still applies today:

"I know that for most of our culture, Hanukkah means absolutely nothing, but for many of us, this holiday reflects the culmination of a year's work, and the time to party and celebrate.

I know to most people, this means absolutely nothing, but to us 3 percenters--the percent of the U.S. population that is Jewish--it does mean something, maybe more to some than others, since there seems to be a rising tide for Jews to celebrate Christmas. No, I don't get it either.

Anyway, on the Jewish calendar, Hanukkah is not a major holiday. But it is a joyous and festive one, celebrating the rededication of the Temple of Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean revolt, during the second century BCE (before the common era).

After the Jews regained control of the temple, they found that they only had one night's oil for their candelabra, their eternal light. Somehow, through some type of miracle, the oil burned for eight days, hence the celebration of Hanukkah for eight days and the use of a menorah to signify the eternal light.

It is a joyous holiday and a festive one, but, as I said, it is not a major holiday on the Jewish calendar.

That is the reason that many give for high-profile Jews basically ignoring the holiday, at least out in public.

But of course, that is nonsense.

Whatever anybody says, Hanukkah is a huge holiday for Jews around the globe.

It is a gift-giving holiday, a holiday where you reaffirm your family ties, a holiday that is to be celebrated, and not shunned, like some unfortunate Jews do.

Sure, it's always right near Christmas, and a lot of people believe that it is the Jewish Christmas.

Well let me tell you, it isn't. It has nothing to do with Christmas at all.

However, because of the actions of some high-profile Jews, many people think that Hanukkah simply doesn't measure up, that Jews celebrate Christmas.

Sorry, at least in my family, we don't.

Christmas is a wonderful holiday, with its direction very similar to that of Hanukkah.

But Hanukkah isn't the Jewish Christmas much like Christmas is not the Gentile Hanukkah.

No matter how much society wants the two holidays intertwined, one has nothing to do with the other.

On that note, I wish everyone a joyous Hanukkah. Eat lots of sweet things, get and give your presents, and feel content with who you are and what religion you are."

Of course this year, Hanukkah is a little different for me than in previous years.

I, personally, am out of sorts, and I am going to use the holiday to bring me back to some semblance of normalcy.

When my family and I light the menorah beginning on Sunday evening, it is like we will be lighting the torch that can be used in the very dark tunnel that I am in right now, and it will allow me to clearly see what is ahead of me.

I don't know that is ahead for me for the remainder of this year into 2020--20/20 get it, perfect eyesight?--but the celebration of Hanukkah will allow me to relax a bit ...

But just a bit.

Anti-Semitic acts are way up in recent times, and happily, in recent times, my family has not had to deal with anything of this nature directly. However, in the recent past, we have met up with this type of hate, and I guess we do look over our backs to make sure that everything is good and fine.

Others have taken recent times to bash Jews, knock Israel, and do these things in horrible, violent ways.

This civilization and this society cannot have this. It is not acceptable, and not acceptable anywhere or at any time, but it is most virulent around Hanukkah and other more major Jewish holidays.

I am sure that local police will be on high alert during Hanukkah for anything and everything. Public menorahs are often vandalized during this period, and the most obvious of hate crimes must be handled in that manner.

Other crimes against Jews are more heinous, such as the recent murder spree in Jersey City, which most obviously targeted the Jewish community but one which most legislators dragged their feet on naming as a hate crime.

This simply cannot be, because it almost makes these legislators as bad as the perpetrators.

Call a spade a spade, stop wasting time, and put the perpetrators away for a long, long time.

We cannot have this type of behavior in a supposed civilized society.

And Jews take heed.

You can be as inclusive as you want--putting up "Hanukkah bushes" and celebrating Christmas--but you will always be Jewish, no matter how you think and feel.

Take heed of that warning, because it is true. Remember, Hitler did not care how liberal you were--you were Jewish, you were rounded up by the Nazis.

I hate to be so down during the joyous period, but we must recognize as a people and a nation that this is also a time of increased hate, and we must put it in the proper context.

Celebrate Hanukkah, be proud of your Jewishness, and this will thwart anyone who has anything to say about it.

There IS strength in numbers. Let's use those numbers to quash those who think it is their right to put us down.

Have a great holiday to those who celebrate, have a great weekend, and I will speak to you again on Monday.

Classic Rant #1,158 (March 6, 2014): Judy

I am sure you must have seen, or at least heard about, the tribute that the Academy of Motion Pictures gave to the movie "The Wizard of Oz" on this past Sunday's telecast of the Oscars.

It was lamer than the Scarecrow that Dorothy found while searching for the Yellow Brick Road, I can tell you that.

Whoopi Goldberg started the thing off promisingly, saying that us older people could only see the movie once a year on TV.

Of course, she was only partly right. The film was rereleased in theaters dozens of times during that pre-video period, so you could probably see the film two times a year or more if you really wanted to.

Anyway, Pink's rendition of "Over the Rainbow" was lame. I don't even know what she was singing initially, but it wasn't "Over the Rainbow."

And Judy's kids were introduced, but since one of them is Liza Minnelli, an Oscar winner herself who has not aged very well, you would think they would have given the three of them--including Lorna Luft and Joey Luft--a little more air time.

In fact, host Ellen DeGeneres kind of made fun of Liza at the beginning, and it kind of set the tone for the night.

Anyway, getting to my point, on Tuesday nights, there generally isn't anything on that my wife and I want to watch, so we usually try to find something to keep us occupied before we conk out.

This week, we decided to make it a Judy Garland spectacular, and with our Google Chromecast working overtime, we found a couple of interesting things to watch on YouTube that kind of highlighted who Judy Garland was and what made her tick--and what made the ticking stop so early, too.

We watched one or two documentaries on Garland, and they all said the same thing--pills, pills and more pills.

One interesting revelation is that while it it widely thought that MGM started dispensing these pills to Garland so that she would be able to get up and do her thing, it actually started with her mother, a show biz mother from hell.

And she wasn't the only person on the MGM lot taking these pills. Mickey Rooney, their biggest male star at the time, was taking them too.

But he survived, she didn't.

The documentaries--one from the BBC, another from a segment on "60 Minutes"--brought out that she was frail to begin with, and being literally pelted with fame brought out the worst in her at times.

But she was a loving mother, according to her kids, although her way with money--she had lots stolen from her, and she also crapped away a lot of it herself--would have child protection coming after her in this day and age, as the family moved from one hotel to another living on favors. Once the favors ran out, they were on the move again.

She was broke.

We watched a few entertainment programs with Garland too.

One was when she was on "The Dick Cavett Show." Although she appeared to be inebriated and way older than her 49 years at the time, this was probably one of the last TV appearances that she ever made, as she died of an overdose of pills a few months later.

She looked frail, looked like she was about 75 if not 80, and rambled about on many subjects. Cavett kept the thing going, tried to steer her the right way, and coaxed her to sing, which sounded phony, as if there was no plan for her to do that.

But the orchestra performed on key, and so did Judy, singing a song that was horrid but that she said she liked.

Then we watched another TV show, where she was in seemingly better health and form, on "The Hollywood Palace."

For those that don't remember this show, this was a fairly good rip-off of "The Ed Sullivan Show," West Coast style.

It had basically the same format as the Sullivan show, with a gaggle of different performers doing what they do.

The difference is that unlike Sullivan, the hosts were actual performers, and did their thing as part of their hosting duties of the show.

Garland seemed to be straight on this one, no pills, no alcohol, and she belted out a few tunes as she introduced one act after another, including a family balancing act and a comic who wasn't that funny.

The weak lineup of acts was probably done on purpose, because quite frankly, she was the show.

When this lady was on, she was on, and she was on on this program.

After about three hours of this Garlandpalooza, we called it a night, and went to sleep.

Look, I have never been a real, true fan of Garland, nor of her kids. I go along for the ride with my wife, who is a huge fan, and the ride has been an interesting one.

We have seen Minnelli many, many times in concert, and even under her worst personal circumstances, she gives it 110 percent.

We have also seen Lorna live, and while not as talented as her sister, she has a certain something that is attractive, and you can definitely see the Garland pedigree in her.

I never saw Garland live, but based on her TV appearances, those shows must have been something else.

So as basically an observer looking in, these people were/are true performers, with real talent, not like today's wannabees.

By the way, the previous Tuesday, my wife and I went through a Liza extravaganza, which simply wasn't as interesting, to me, as the Garland one.

Is next a Lorna night? I don't know, although I doubt we will find as many interesting bits of video on YouTube to support such a suggestion.

Rant #2,489: Ruthless People

As the president was being impeached by the House--a move that is sure to be blocked by the Senate--I was being upended by people who know no pity, who are vicious, and who evidently have no moral backbone and are cowards to the core.

While making the long drive home from seeing my wife and my father in law at the Veterans Home in Stony Brook, Long Island, my wife and I were about two-thirds of the way home in the afternoon when the music from the radio was interrupted by a text message from my phone. I have the phone connected to the car, so I often get these things while I am driving, and I got a big one yesterday ... or so I thought initially it might be one.

"Hi Lawrence. Our Director would like to sit down with you for a one on one interview. Please text back the time that suits you the best ... ."

Yes, I did edit what was said, because the text was a bit longer.

Upon hearing the message over the ca radio, we both initially got excited, maybe for five seconds. I mean, in nearly three months out of work I have gotten exactly one phone interview, and that is it, so any semblance of movement in that regard is a rare treat, so to speak.

But then reality quickly came to me, and I said to my wife, "Let me check this out when we get home."

That is exactly what I did, and as I posted on Facebook yesterday, sometimes things that seem to be so good are, in reality, too good to be true:

"Well, I almost got involved in a job scam, but they picked the wrong person.

I was suspicious right away because the messages I received--both email and text--were too eager to speak to me.

And another key was that in the messages, the job they contacted me for was NEVER MENTIONED. I scanned through all of the companies I have sent resumes to, and this company was not one of them.

The next clue was that the email asked me to pick a time to speak with them face to face, but the times were today--and there was no way i could make the times, since some of the open spots had passed by the time the message was sent to me.

Doing some additional research, the firm might be nothing more than a placement agency looking for clients. Heaven knows where they got my resume from.

And finally, I called the phone number, and the phone just rang and rang without any response.

When I say it is like the Wild West on the job market, I am clearly speaking the truth. There are so many scams and semi-scams out there that one really has to be careful.

The bottom line is this: even if you absolutely despise your job, be happy that you have it, because no one wants to deal with today's job market like I am currently doing.

My.resume is out there, all over the place, and heaven knows who has my information.

I think this episode is the perfect example of this situation that nobody needs to get involved with."

Yes, it was nothing but a scam, preying on myself and I don't know how many others in my position who are desperate for some good news, but all that we being fed during the holiday season is a lump- of coal.

Funny, yesterday was a pretty good day on the job front, as I actually found five jobs to send out my resume to, jobs that I would love to do, including two or three right on Long Island in the vicinity of where I live.

But this incident put a real damper on the whole thing, and brought me back to reality; I am no closer to finding a new job than I was five years ago when I started this quest, including since October 10, nearly three months ago, the day I lost my job of 23 and a half years.

I also wonder how many people actually fell for this scam, and are looking forward to something big today, only to find out that they were snookered later on. They carved out a piece of their day to devote to this, got all dressed up, maybe came from great distances to have a "one on one interview"--notice, no hyphenation, another giveaway that this is a scam--and later find out that this was a long run to absolutely nothing.

During the past five years, I have fallen for one or two of these scams, and I have probably fallen for countless others, because as I have explained previously, many of these job posts are fraudulent to begin with. They were either put up by legitimate companies to see what talent was out there--with no job actually open to fill--or they were unscrupulously placed by the job site, without the knowledge of the company involved, to try to drum up job postings from the company on that particular job site.

Who knows how many of these types of job "vacancies" I have replied to, but all that I know is that this situation simply made a good day into at the very least a questionable one for me.

I know it is difficult for others to understand this, but when you think you get a glimmer of light, and all you get is another walk into a brick wall, it does kind of play on your senses, whether I smelled a rat or not.

And to those perpetrating these scams, I hope they have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year, because if they do things like this to unsuspecting people, they have no heart and no feelings anyway, and I guess their ignorance is bliss.

Me, I will just continue to move on from this, and do what I feel I have to do to come to my own rightful conclusion to this nightmare that I am experiencing right at the moment.

Classic Rant #1,157 (March 5, 2014): Allergies

I have terrible allergies.

I have had this affliction--and yes, I call it an affliction, although some people may disagree with me--seemingly my entire life.

Today, I am having it really bad.

My right eye is tearing up something terrible, and my nose is running as fast as a short distance runner makes it around the track.

I can't breathe, I can barely see out of my eye--supposedly my good eye--and I am a mess today.

I get my monthly allergy shots tomorrow, but what about today?

I have your standard allergies, dust, ragweed, those types of things. I am not allergic to any foods, thank goodness.

But anybody who has allergies like these knows exactly what I am talking about. They seemingly come and go, and can take over your body when they hit the hardest.

I remember as a kid, I had really terrible allergies, and I had episodes where I couldn't do much of anything.

Back then, the study of allergies was in its infancy, and doctors didn't know what was wrong with me.

Then, in the early 1970s, I went for my first patch test, one of the most horrid--and later best--things I ever did.

In those days, you went to a special allergy clinic, for lack of a better word, and they did a test on you where you laid out your arms, and they used an apparatus that was like a stapler to literally implant different chemicals into you.

Those that puffed up meant you were allergic to them.

It ruined your arms for about two weeks. I remember, I had this done in the summer, and for two weeks, I had to wear long sleeves, because my arms looked like I was a drug addict from all the puncturing.

Anyway, it gave the doctor a specific reading of what I was allergic to, and serum could then be established through the results, which were injected into my arm through monthly shots.

That was when I was 15 years old, and I have been getting the monthly shots since--nearly 42 years.

Today, they can do the same thing with a simple blood test, but back then, you had to go through this procedure to find out what you were allergic to.

My allergies have been fairly stable for the past 42 years, but I do have episodes. Some last a few minutes, some last a few hours, and in the worst cases, they can last a day or two.

I am having an episode today, and with work ahead of me, I am hoping that it all peters out by the dreaded 9 a.m. hour.

Right now, I am typing this with about 1 1/2 eyes, so if I make any typing mistakes, just please excuse me today.

I really, really wish I could go back to sleep.

Rant #2,488: We Can Work It Out

It was a long day yesterday but yes, my father is home from the hospital.

They still do not know why he was sick--they believe that dehydration might have been the reason, but they are not sure--and we drove him home yesterday evening after waiting hours for all the proper paperwork to be filled out.

What a long day it was--it started when I took my son to work and ended with him, my mother and my father in the car with me on the long way home--but since my father is home, I have to call it a good day, even though the minutes felt like hours and the hours felt like days.

Now that that is off my head, today my wife--who has the day off--and myself will be visiting my father-in-law at the Veterans home in Stony Brook later today, after we take our son to work.

So we are covering all avenues this week.

My son is actually very lucky. He has three of his four grandparents still alive, which is a seemingly rare occurrence for someone who is 24 years old. His maternal grandmother passed away a bit more than 26 years ago, right after my wife and I were married, and it would be even better if she were still with us, of course, but he is lucky nonetheless.

My son is close with his grandparents, and even long after they are gone, since he got to know them, he will always have memories of them that he can cherish and pass on to others.

I, myself, had a similar lucky fate. Three of my four grandparents were still with us into my 30s, and the three of them became great grandparents when my daughter was born, and two of them were still with us when my son was born.

I remember that my paternal grandmother, frail as can be and suffering from what was then the earlier stages of Alzheimer's Disease, was able to get my son to sleep after a fit of crying that no one seemingly could stop. She put him in her lap, sung to him, rocked him, and he was asleep in a flick of an eye.

Anyway, it is so nice when one generation gets to know another, the older generation learning from the younger generation and the younger generation even learning from the younger generation.

I personally knew how lucky I was, because most of my friends didn't have one grandparent alive, and I had all four of them alive through my late teens. They were so well known among my friends that they almost became surrogate grandparents to my friends.

I remember one day when I must have been about 10 or 11 years old, my maternal grandparents were over. My grandmother was living with us sort of part time, because she had broken her hip and my mother was helping to care for her. My grandfather would come over on weekends, and there were times we had six people living in a two bedroom apartment.

I just remember my grandfather, who always was well dressed and topped everything off with a topcoat and dress hat, deciding that rather than watch me play stick ball with my friends, that he wanted to get in on the action.

He asked me if he could take some swings, I gave him the bat, and this old Brooklyn Dodger fan took his swings It was probably the first time in 50 years that he was in such a situation, and he missed the ball badly on all his swings.

When my grandmother saw what was happening, she started yelling at him to "act his age" and "get back here this minute" and who knows what else.

After finally realizing that he wasn't going to hit the ball, and hearing her yelling, he gave me back the bat, lit up a cigarette, and that was the end of that. I don't think he ever did anything like that ever again.

To this day, more than 20 years after my grandparents left us, I still think of them each and every day. They had a profound influence on me, and I have passed on these memories to my own kids and to my nephews, so they definitely know who Grandma Harriet and Grandma Betty and Grandpa Morris and Pop Jack were.

With all the nonsense surrounding me now, I still think back to my grandparents, often for comfort and even for wisdom. I know that my maternal grandfather would tell me something like "It will be OK," or "It will work out," and I have to believe him, even though he probably gave me this advice years ago on an entirely different matter, but I could apply it to today.

They were good people, they really were, my paternal grandparents from the old school and my maternal grandparents from the new one, but they really were great influences on me.

And I hope my son and daughter realize how fortunate they are, with grandparents still around and vital as they move on in their own lives.

Classic Rant #1,156 (March 4, 2014): A Meeting of the Minds

Baseball's spring training is what it is.

If you are a baseball fan, it tells you that the season is right around the corner, the snow and mush on the ground will soon be gone, and the warmer weather is coming.

Every team is in first place, every team has a chance to make it all the way to the World Series.

Hope "springs" eternal, I guess.

Yesterday was something special at the Yankees camp, as one New York sports icon of an earlier generation met one of more recent vintage.

Joe Namath, the Jets iconic quarterback when they won the Super Bowl in 1970, met Derek Jeter, the Yankees shortstop, who has helped the Yankees win five World Series during his career.

Look, as you know, I am not a football fan. I really don't like the sport.

But during that time period in 1969 and 1970, New York was truly the focus of the sports world.

I am not a Mets fan, but the "Miracle Mets" of that era captivated even non-sports fans with their unlikely push to become World Series champions in 1969.

The Knicks would win their first championship during the 1969-70 season with probably the most cerebral bunch of players--both on and off the court--that has ever been assembled on one team.

And the Jets, when they really were the New York Jets, captivated everyone's hearts with their unlikely Super Bowl win against the Baltimore Colts.

That was the only football game I ever watched from beginning to end with my father, so it has some special meaning to me.

People looked at Namath, the team's quarterback, as an upstart braggart, telling the media that the Jets would win this game against the NFL's best team (remember, the Jets were in the AFL then).

But they won, and everyone became a Jets fan, even if you didn't like football.

Namath became a media sensation, appearing on the news and TV and movies while he continued to be on the gridiron.

Anyway, all these years later, probably New York's top football icon finally met New York's top current baseball icon face to face for the first time related to an interview they were going to do.

Not only did they meet--with Namath calling Jeter "angelic"--but Namath donned a Yankees uniform, uniform No. 12, of course, his old number with Jets, and actually threw out the ceremonial first pitch of the game yesterday.

To Jeter, of course.

And, of course, the Yankees won the game, for whatever meaning it has in spring training.

This meeting probably has little or no meaning for those outside the New York sports pantheon, but to me, it was pretty neat.

It's as if Mickey Mantle strolled into the Knicks court and shot baskets with Carmelo Anthony, or something to that effect, times 100, of course.

Funny things happen in spring training. I remember that several years ago, comic Billy Crystal also donned a Yankees uniform and actually played in a game, striking out in his only appearance.

But yesterday, it was like old school met current school, and it all seemed to go well.

This almost cosmic meeting, I would like to think, even softened the blow of the supposed major winter snowstorm we were supposed to have gotten where I am, which turned into nothing more than a whimper.

Good.

If Namath can do that, please let him visit with the Knicks.

Right now, they could use all the help they can get.

Maybe Namath, gimpy knees and all, can hoist up a few baskets.

I wouldn't put it past him.

Rant #2,487: I'm A Girl Watcher

Now that non-entity actress/model/poseur Elizabeth Hurley has put up another photo of herself in a bikini--and we are all supposed to be stunned at how good she looks at her current advanced age of 54, and yes, myself and millions of others look at the photos as if we are looking at apes in a zoo--there has got to be something more important to talk about.

I fond the impeachment hearings are balderdash, and at the same time, as boring as watching paint dry, so I certainly don't want to talk about that. Why talk about a smokescreen of nonsense when you have Hurley showing us her curves?

It's raining outside, so let's blame that on the President too--or maybe on Hurley, since her swimsuit is made for the water.

And talking about water, my father needs to drink plenty of water in his current position in the hospital. He is doing, I guess, OK, but they still do not know why he was running fever and was sick the other day. His vital signs are good--and I mean all good--but his cultures have not yet come in, so they do not know what ails him. We are all hoping that he gets released from the hospital as soon as possible, but they are not going to release him before they find out what the deal is.

I am a little more relaxed today knowing that he is getting better, and not having to rush out early in the morning to take my mother to the hospital. We aren't going until later in the morning, and as I might have mentioned yesterday, the facility my father is in is a bit of a ride away from us. But my father always has said that if you have a car, you can get anywhere, and he is right, and this situation proves that.

I had my first round of physical therapy yesterday, and it really went pretty well. I love to ride the stationery bike there, and I also did some other exercises that made me feel like I accomplished something. I have some exercises to do at home, and I hope to being that regimen sometime today. The physical therapist believes that my current ailment is related to the pinched nerve in my neck that I suffered seven years ago, and is atypical sciatica, so now we have a game plan and we can attack it. I feel better already.

What I wanted to talk about yesterday was pretty innocuous, but it is related to Hurley and all the other actresses over the years who have posed in various stages of dress and undress to gain attention.

And it really has nothing to do with talent. Hurley IS a beautiful woman, but let's face it, she has absolutely no talent other than standing there and looking pretty.

Playboy used to be the magazine that numerous female personalities gravitated to when they wanted to show the world how "feminine" they were, as if posing in the nude in the magazine was a validation of their womanhood. I never got that thinking, but evidently a spread in Playboy did ge people to think, and occasionally, it did open doors for these women that were closed to them previously.

One of the women personalities who took the Playboy route to further her career way back when was Lainie Kazan, who was one of those singers who rose to fame--and to a certain degree, some level of infamy--in the era when the entertainment industry was looking for the next Barbra Streisand.

Streisand made such an incredible impact on the industry with her God-given talent and unique look that Hollywood figured that there must be some other women who could fill that role for them, and they mined several female singers of various distinctions as their own Streisand.

One was Liza Minnelli, who had the pedigree, the talent and a unique look of her own to lead to the goldmine. Over the past more than 50 years, Minnelli stands as the only one of this short list to even approach Streisand's success, having her own star turns in the movies, on record and on stage.

Talent coordinators had to look no further than Streisand's home of Brooklyn, New York, to find the next Barbara, and one of these singers was Julie Budd, who being as young as she was and with plenty of talent, became the darling of the industry for awhile, and was pushed by the likes of Ed Sullivan as the next big singing star. Fame was fleeting, and Budd simply became another singer, as was Roslyn Kind, Streisand's half sister, who may have had the pedigree, but ultimately, she too was just another singer.

And then we have Kazan, who was as exotic as Streisand, just a little older than Barbra was--she has two years on Streisand--and heck, they even went at the same time to the same high school, Erasmus Hall in Brooklyn, the very same school that my mother went to 10 years before these two did.

Kazan went the same route as Streisand did, right to Broadway, and she was Streisand's understudy on at least one or two of the Broadway shows Barbra starred in, including "Funny Girl."

All of this time, Kazan was recording one LP after another of similar material that Streisand was recording, and through her record label, MGM, she appeared in several movies that highlighted her in a sexy way. In fact, for a time she was marketed almost as a "sexier" alternative to Streisand, as Kazan not only had great talent, but let's say, she had curves to spare, which were often shown off in sexy outfits that she wore on TV and in films.

And in films, she often would drop everything, even though to the camera, you didn't see much.

So it was only natural, I guess, that in the October 1970 issue of Playboy, she had a nude pictorial, which included some topless photos and that was pretty much it. But Kazan did the shoot as part of a business partnership with Publisher Hugh Hefner, who opened up performance venues with her name on them, places where she could showcase her talent.

But it helped Kazan break into the Las Vegas nightclub scene, which became her real bread and butter for years to come.

And like Streisand and Minnelli, she has carved out quite a career on stage and in films, earning a Tony Award for the original Broadway production of "My Favorite Year" after being one of its stars in the earlier movie adaptation.

She also was one of the stars of the popular "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" franchise, playing an extremely ethnic Greek mother, a role she seemingly was born to play.

Why talk about Kazan? I was sifting through my record collection the other day, and I found that I actually had three of her LPs, all gotten from the $1 bargain bin at my local record store. I listened to the records as I digitized them, and I found that yes, Kazan had lots and lots of talent, and her voice often sounds like that of Streisand, but huskier and rougher than Barbra's was at the time, in the mid 1960s.

In fact, she sounded so much like Streisand that I guess it was too close, and even with the rougher edges, you can really see where Streisand's voice stood out from Kazan's, and really, from the rest of that group I mentioned earlier. Heck, there really is no comparison.

So, we went from Hurley to Kazan in one fell swoop, because each used the then current technology at hand to promote themselves when the chips might have been down for them.

Maybe Hurley can take a page from Kazan's book, and take some acting lessons and show Hollywood that you do have some talent.

Good looks can only get you so far.