Rant #1,522: Smokin' Hot (Not)

I am overworked, tired, not in the mood for much today, but here I am, at 4:21 in the morning, writing this Rant that you are reading right now.

I should be done by about 5 a.m. or so, give or take a few minutes.

I did not sleep very well last night. I conked out during a horrible Yankees game at about 8:30 p.m., awoke about 12:30 a.m., and have pretty much been up, off and on, the rest of the time before I finally got up at a couple of minutes past 3:30 a.m.

No, I do not have sleep apnea--I was tested for that a few years ago--I am simply a light sleeper. I take after my mother and her mother, my maternal grandmother. They were both light sleepers.

They got up very early in the morning to clean their respective homes, so at 4 a.m. in the morning, they were often on their hands and knees scrubbing their floors or they were behind a vacuum cleaner picking up whatever dirt there may have been on the ground.

And take it from me, there wasn't much.

Me, I get up, take a shower, eat breakfast, and do my thing here.

Pretty exciting, I will agree.

I am super tired lately, because I am doing this routine six days a week, less a Rant on Saturday.

My place of business is supposedly busy right now, so we all have to pitch in.

But right now, it is like I have a dead brain, much like pitchers have a dead arm. I have worked too many hours and I find I can't think anymore.

It does not prevent me from doing my job, but it is making things a bit more difficult.

It isn't quite writer's block, but it is something near it. I can still write, but I simply don't have the verve and energy that I had a few weeks back.

So right now, I am not smokin' hot with anything much, just moving along from one trampoline to the next.

I hate being this way, and I just need a few days to slow down and get back to where I should be.

My problem is that I don't know when those days will be coming.

I look at my son--all bright eyes and bushy tailed when he goes to work--and I wish I was like that, too.

I was at one time, but now, it is all so "same old, same old, that I guess I am the proverbial hamster in the cage, going on his wheel to nowhere.

Yes, this is depressing, but I can take solace in the fact that my son is working--it took quite a long time for him to be employed, as I have spelled out here before--and not only does he seem to like what he is doing, but so does his place of business, as I received an email yesterday confirming the fact that he is doing well there.

It gave my wife and I great pride, and gave us a bit more gas in our tank to push forward in our own jobs.

So while I guess I am crabbing a bit, it is not a "woe is me" thing.

I look at my son, and also at my daughter, and I have to push on and make the best of the situation.

Kids make you old in one way, and make you young in other ways.

Here, because of their presence in my life, I have to think like a 20-something in their first real job.

With my daughter, it is more of a third-person thing, since I rarely see her, but I do think about her too.

But as for pushing on because of them, it is difficult at 58 years of age to do that, but I have to find ways to do that, and I will.

I owe it to him, and to her, and to my family in general.

So I guess this is a happy post, after all, because it helped me work out the direction I must take while at work, to press on for my family, my wife included.

Believe me, I have been on the other side of the fence, and unemployment is not fun.

So I almost have to look at it as one versus the other. Would I rather be home, with no job, or where I am, with a job, albeit one that is draining me down to the nub?

The answer is obvious.

So maybe I am smokin' hot after all, ready for today's challenges.

To steal a phrase, "Hi Yo, Silver, and away we go!