Rant #3,923: The Boxer

My personal health situation remains up in the air.

I have so many medical appointments coming up that it is truly head spinning.

I am absolutely not well right now, but I guess I could be worse.

When you are healthy, relatively, your entire life, and then you get hit by everything including the kitchen sink, it kind of makes you crazy.

Today, I have to go for a PT scan, or what they call a pet scan, and that should tell me something about my lungs.

Something turned up on a catscan where I have a spot on my left lung.

It doesn't necessarily mean cancer, and a lot of people have this, I have been told, and it often comes up as not much of anything.

But I know that some people who have not smoked have gotten lung cancer--

Barry Manilow is one of these people ... comic Andy Kauffman also, and he died of lung cancer having never smoked.

So it is just another mountain I have to scale, and I am obviously hoping it is nothing.

If it is something, let's get it taken care of, so I can move on to the next mountain.

Yes, all of this is quite depressing, and right now, I don't know which way is up, to be quite frank about it.

And as I have said a million times, and probably will say a million times more, this is not what I envisioned retirement to be.

I know that I am not fully retired to begin with, but I have had a very difficult retirement, and it just seems to be getting worse and worse and worse.

My family tries to keep me strong, and it is very difficult on them.

I have a good resolve to move on and surmount these challenges, but I keep on getting hit where it hurts, and it is tough to wake up with a smile each day.

And dealing with all the doctors and their staffs is another story altogether.

(As an example, on Wednesday, I made an appointment for another catscan, and the person I made it with got the date wrong--by a full month! 

Happily, I was able to see the mistake and change the date, but I mean, c'mon now, do I speak another language than the English you supposedly know?

Complete incompetency.)

It really puts you on edge ... everything is on my head right now, and I don't really think it should be that way.

Then there are the little things, things that somehow become big when nothing else is working out right.

On Tuesday, among other things, I had to deal with my computer's printer, which was not printing anything that I put through it.

It took about an hour for it to work correctly; I tried everything to get it going--

But out of desperation, I replaced the two ink cartridges I was using, and I got it going again.

Sounds simple, but when everything else is cratering, this just adds another brick to the load.

I find that I cannot relax, that I am always in motion ...

But my energy level is not what it normally is, which makes it that much harder.

I really pushed myself on Tuesday.

Way before the printer problem, I had to go to the pharmacy; I went to the supermarket and bought another box of matzohs, since what I had ran out; I decided to go to the record store for a little while, since it was a stone's throw away from my final destination, which was the dentist, as I had an appointment for a cleaning.

I did it all, but my stamina simply isn't there, and it was all I could do to not fall asleep when the technician was cleaning my teeth.

I got home, did some work, and tried to relax ...

But then I had the printer problem, so that was a no go.

On Tuesday evening into Wednesday morning, I know that I started to talk in my sleep again, so I moved myself to the living room, where I relaxed, somewhat, and from 3 a.m. to probably about 4:30 a.m., that is where I was, so I would not wake up my wife with my chatter.

I went back into the bedroom and fell asleep, but my wife told me that I did wake her up.

The bottom line is that my quality of life right now is not that great, but I am determined to beat whatever ails me, whether it is one thing or multiple things.

Wednesday was a better day than Tuesday was, as was Thursday.

I had much more energy and I was able to do things that I wouldn't have been able to do earlier in the week.

It has given me strength, and has enabled me to feel better about myself and my situation.

I promise you that I will beat this, beat it to a pulp, and move on with my life.

It might take awhile--I am not a patient person--but I am going to beat all of this as best that I can.

I expect to look at this Rant a few years down the line and say to myself, "Remember when?"--

And shake my head that I had to go through all of this stuff, but that I was able to get through it.

I am a fighter, and I am not down for the count just yet.

Not by a long shot.

Have a great weekend, and i will speak to you again on Monday