Rant #4,035: Try Too Hard

The countdown continues ...

Today, Friday and then, the big day on Saturday--

And then it will be all over.

I am looking at all of this as the father of the bride, and I have so many memories of my daughter that are running through my head as I write this up.

I remember the moment she was born, all the worry we had that she was sick, and the glee that I felt when I held her for the first time, and there was nothing wrong with her ...

She was absolutely PERFECT.

I was a dad for the first time, and I took the responsibility very seriously.

This little, beautiful imp needed my help, and I gave it to her, and gave it to her very proudly.

Things happened between myself and her mother, but I was there as much as I was permitted to be there, and I saw her as much as I possibly could, in spite of great interference by the other side.

I dealt with courts, schools and other institutions which decided that since I was the father--the man--that I was in the wrong as almost a birthright, and that I had to be on the defensive at all times.

Yes, things have changed now, but 30 some-odd years ago, that is what the overall situation was for divorced men with children, and even with joint custody, I was often the odd man out when it came to my daughter and just about every facet of her life.

I loved to see her, we had lots of fun doing so many different things, and during the days I did not see her, I had to call her on the phone, which certainly wasn't like it is today.

You know how people who have incontinence need to scout out places to make sure there is a bathroom nearby?

I had to scout out locations to make sure a phone booth or public phone was within reach.

My daughter grew up, she had her own friends and activities, and by the time she reached the teen years, she didn't want to be with me anymore, or at least to the extent that she wanted to be with me when she was younger.

I got it, I knew it was coming, but it still fell like a ton of bricks on me, and it hurt just as much.

So I didn't see her every other week, didn't speak to her on the phone that much, and by the time she got to college, that part of our relationship was pretty much over--

And it was never to be repaired.

Fast forward to today, and if I see my daughter once or twice a year, it is a lot, and it is on her side that this works out that way, not on mine.

I would love to at least speak to her on the phone maybe once a week, but it simply isn't happening.

As I have said before, I have no idea who her groom is, as I have met him a total of three times, under trying circumstances, like my mother's funeral.

We have invited the two of them over to the house, and now, to our apartment, on countless occasions, but they always seem to find an excuse to not come.

I always blame the whole thing on my daughter being "a child of divorce," but she isn't a child anymore, and I do think, at this point, that she should know better.

I love my daughter to pieces, but I don't know if she gets that.

What happened happened, and you can't harp on something that happened more than 30 years ago.

So I go to my daughter's wedding with both pride and trepidation.

Once bitten, twice shy ...

But you know that all these thoughts--and many others--will be swirling in my head when she and her beau say their "I do's."

"I don't" ...

Understand any of what has transpired over the past 30-plus years, but I am trying to understand ...

I really am.

And I wish my daughter and her soon-to-be husband the very best.

Rant #4,034: Love Is Like a Rock

Just to begin and try to get back to the normal workings of this Blog, we have two unfortunate passings to report.

The first is Walter Koenig, who played Chekhov in the "Star Trek" series, and whose character kept that show afloat when it was nearly canceled.

NBC was going to cancel the show due to poor ratings, but one of the network's suggestions to keep the show afloat was that a new character be created to gain younger teenybop fans, and they suggested a "Davy Jones"-type to fit that need.

Koenig was their man, and he became one of the most popular members of the cast, and is the answer to the trivia question, "Who were the three members of the 'Star Trek' cast who, in real life, were Jewish?"

Answer: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, and yes, Walter Koenig.

The other death to report was that of Donnie Iris, a guy who never became a real big star in the realm of the rock and roll galaxy, but he was as near as you could possibly come without reaching that goal.

First, as a member of the Jaggerz, best known for "The Rapper"; then, as a member of Wild Cherry, best known for "Play That Funky Music White Boy"; and then on his own, when his music was all over the FM dial, with near hits "Ah Leah" and "Love Is Like a Rock."

The guy looked like Buddy Holly, was very proudly from Pittsburgh, Pa., and he rocked with the best of them during the early 1980s.

Koenig was 90 when he died on Sunday; Iris was 83 when he died on Monday.

Life goes on, I guess.

And the countdown continues to my daughter's marriage.

Step by step, inch by inch, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second.

I want to tell you that the setting will be a nice one ...

At a vineyard way out in Southhold on Long Island, and since it is fall, it promises to be pretty picturesque.

The setting is sure to be a nice one, but beyond that, I just really don't know.

I don't know if my daughter will be costumed as "The Bride of Frankenstein" and the groom will have on his "Frankenstein Monster" groove, but I will have on my "Father of the Bride" oufit, which I don't think will scare anyone off.

Most people there will be in costume of one sort or another, and while I won't be wearing my Sunday suit, I won't be wearing any type of Halloween costume.

Just a nice shirt, nice pants, shoes, and a big smile on my face, which I hope is not a take on the old "False Face" character on "Batman."

But my immediate family will be there, as well as a couple of friends, but you can bet that I won't know about 90 percent of the people there, and will never see them again after the wedding.

That is fine with me ...

And then you throw in my daughter's mother and her relatives, and you just know that while I will be cordial to them, I won't ever see them again either, which is fine with me, too.

So I just have to look at the whole thing as just maybe six hours out of my whole life, six hours of possible pain and torture, or maybe six hours of joy, and that is that.

Yes, I will get through it all ...

I simply don't like that I am being treated as just another guest at a wedding that is supposed to be so different, yet is so like any other traditional wedding.

This was not what I wanted for my daughter, but this is what she wants, and I guess that is the main thing.

I truly love her, so I have to go along with it.

And sometimes, be careful for what you wish for ...

Because you get exactly what you want--

And that isn't always a good thing.

(P.S.: And as I was writing this, I learned that Susan Saint James died at age 80. She was most famous for her roles in "McMillan and Wife" and "Kate and Allie," and I just remember her early days on the former show, with Rock Hudson, and how the show fizzled out when she left it in a salary dispute. And I also remember that she had really nice hair, whether she wore it long or short. Funny that I remember such things.)

Rant #4,033: It's Just the Same Old Song

To prove that things are getting back to normal ...

I began my week yesterday arguing with a medical provider.

What else is new--

One eye or two?

All it leads me to is further aggravation, as I try to work things out with an operator in the Philippines. 

It is just so ridiculous that the customer service stuff is farmed out overseas.

My hearing is fine, but half the time, I cannot understand a word that they are saying.

Shame on these doctors for farming out their services to people who cannot possibly help you.

I have a local question, about a local doctor, so this should be taken care of locally.

Is that too much to ask?

Apparently it is.

All that it leads to is that I am one day closer to attending my daughter's wedding.

Yes, the countdown has begun. 

At least we will have something to do on Halloween.

Even when we were living in the house, in recent years, we never got anybody coming to trick or treat.

We would have candy, but no takers.

Now, living in a retirement development, we have absolutely nobody coming to us on Halloween.

This year, the development is actually having a Halloween party, but, of course, we will be occupied that day--

With another Halloween party way out east on Long Island.

Tricks?

The wedding is supposed to be so different, but it is actually the same-old, same-old in different costume, so to speak.

Treats?

I don't know yet, I really don't know yet.

Boo on me.

And based on all of that, I will have plenty to report on about the wedding, but you will have to wait until next week for me to post anything.

Maybe I will be surprised, and it will be something memorable, in a good way.

Maybe I will not be surprised in the least, and it is what I think it is going to be.

Maybe I am simply spooked about this whole thing.

It is probably a mix of all of those things.

I don't know her future husband--I met him three times, yes, a total of three times, and each one under trying circumstances, including right after my leg surgery, when I couldn't move out of the bed, when I had to beg my daughter to see me, and during my mother's funeral--so I just hope my daughter has picked the right person to live out her life with.

I haven't met the groom's family--I believe he has a sister, but the mother is deceased and the father has some severe mental problems--so I am as much in the blind about this--no pun intended--as I can be.

And then, the Halloween-themed wedding is just so macabre to begin with, and I still think it makes a mockery of what marriage is supposed to be all about, cheapening it to a childish theme.

Yes, on Halloween, it is really going to be scary for me.

But at least I have a couple of days to breathe before the big day on Saturday.

Breathe ... breathe ... breathe ...

And count to 10.

Slowly.

So I don't blow my gasket just yet.

Rant #4,032: Think It Over

I am back!

Hopefully, I don't have to miss any more time here.

This is a tremendous week for me.

As I get more and more acclimated to my situation, I can do more and more things.

And the main thing that I am going to do this week is attend my daughter's wedding--

On Halloween, naturally.

What other day could it be on, based on my recent past?

And yes, it is themed for the day.

I don't buy into that, as I think it makes a Mockingbird Heights ... err ... mockery of what a wedding is supposed to be, but I will be there in costume--

In my father-of-the-bride costume, even though I am not being acknowledged at all with this supposedly proud designation.

That is how my daughter wants it, and yes, her thinking is foolish, but what can I do about it?

I just hope that she one day sees the folly of her ways.

And yes, this ties into my current malady, which will probably never go away.

When I was being prepped for the surgery, I started to talk to one of the nurses about the wedding.

This 40-something nurse told me that she, too, would not allow her father to make a speech during her own wedding 11 years ago--

And she regrets it to this day.

She wishes her father could have had his moment, but it is all water under the bridge now.

I do think that my daughter will one day feel the same way about the entirety of this occasion, where parents are supposed to shine as much as the newlyweds.

But who knows, and it is something that clearly bothers me, but I have more important things to deal with, to be honest with you.

I have been driving, have been on the computer, have been trying to get back to as normal a life as possible.

I have heard from people near and far--even from Europe--about what I have, and these people who have a similar malady have shared their insights into what ails them and now, what ails me.

To a person, they said to stay the same, don't change being who you are, and I am trying to follow that policy.

At age 69 and nearly a half, I am not going to change, no matter what my actual vision is.

My overall vision of enjoying life as much as I can still remains intact, and it is never going to change, no matter how low or how high I am.

My family needs me, so that is the fuel that keeps this engine running ...

And the fact of the matter is that I feel fine otherwise, so at least I have my overall health to keep me going for, hopefully, many years after 2026, which has been, without a doubt, the worst year of my life, even before this malady overtook me.

Looking beyond today and the wedding, November is another interesting month, as we will be celebrating my wife's xxth birthday--a big one--and later on in the month, we have Thanksgiving.

Then in December, as everyone prepares to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas and New Year's Eve, I will have the pleasure of preparing for my New Year's Eve Day colonoscopy, which I hope does not become an annual event like Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas.

But you gotta do what you gotta do, and, at least, my New Year's Eve evening will be OK and hopefully, healthy, as we slide into 2027.

But let's not put the cart before the horse.

Let me get through this wedding of weddings, and then I can keep on pushing, keep on trucking, keep on keeping on.

It is the only way to fly.

Rant #4,031: Bits and Pieces (Part 2)

I am back!

I feel like I have to be back to relay to you that things did not work out like I might have wanted them to work out related to my eye--

But things could always be worse.

Again, this is going to be another version of "Bits and Pieces" that you might not be used to, as I am going to put up some messages that I originally posted on Facebook to define where I stand with my vision.

It took some time to grind this all through my mind, but my outlook on everything has changed a bit, and now, I am looking for positives from negatives ...

And yes, I am finding them.

So here goes--

And look how my outlook changed from my initial post to my latest post.

"I can drive during the day, I can go on the computer, but it appears that I have lost the sight in my right eye.

There are some other major surgeries that I could have, but my doctor recommends against them. 

The eye appeared to be too far gone for any further surgeries, other than taking out a cataract, so I will have to proceed with vision in one eye.

I have absolutely no luck at all. 

Retirement? What is that? Please explain this concept to me, because I have no idea what it is or what it means.

And if I sound like a broken record, so be it.

Sorry." 

Then, later on in the day--

"I am not going to let this hamper me in the least. 

Tomorrow, I will be driving to the pharmacy to pick up my new eye drops. 

I have work to do, i have to drive my son back and forth to work and other activities, and I have plenty of more years on earth to go about life. 

I will not let this stand in the way of anything. 

I might have to do things differently, but I will continue to be a content provider both for work and for pleasure. 

And I will see, albeit with one eye, my daughter get married. 

You have to make diamonds out of coal, and I will do that. 

Sure, I feel a bit sorry for myself, but what the doctor said pretty much confirms what I thought anyway. 

Mistakes were made by my previous eye doctors--RETINA SPECIALISTS, mind you--that might have contributed to this situation, but things could be way worse. 

Heck, I have a colonoscopy to look forward to on New Year's Eve Day on December 31!

I have a lot to look forward to, with one eye rather than two. 

"One" is the loneliest number, as the song says, but it won't derail me at all. 

I am still the same Larry that I was through my entire life. Why be something different now?"

I am simply not the type of person who will roll up in a ball in the fetal position and wither away.

I am going to enjoy life even more now, because now I know just how precious it can be and how part of it can be lost in an instant.

It won't make me a softie.

This entire situation will make me stronger ...

Because once you have "been there, done that," your experience will guide you in the right direction.

So while I took it easy the past few weeks, I should be back at my perch here starting on Monday, all ready to go, just like I have for the past 17-plus years.

Being able to articulate what I have to say through my writing is a godsend, and I am going to use it to the max to say what I want to say when I want to say it.

So look for me right here soon ...

I will probably take the rest of the week off and be here bright and early on Monday morning.

But you never know ...

If I have something to say, I might just be here earlier.

One eye or not, I still have two hands, 10 fingers, and a brain, and I am not going to put any of these things in storage--

UP, UP AND AWAY! 

Rant #4,030: Bits and Pieces

I am back, just for today.

I continue to suffer, but I have to be positive, because my quality of life is around zero now.

Not only have I been embroiled--during what is supposed to be recuperation--with insurance companies who have no idea what they are doing, but as I put this Rant together, I found out that our water has been shut off for an undetermined period due to a leak.

And how did I find out about this?

I will give you a second to figure it out.

Time's up!

Yes ...

I did my "duty" in the toilet, only to find out we have no water, as it wouldn't flush.

What else could go wrong?

I guess I could be in Paris, where riots have burnt everything to the ground.

But I bet their toilets are working--the leftists need a potty break from destroying things too--so maybe I should go there to do any further damage.

[The water has since been turned back on, after a couple of hours.]

Anyway, this "Bits and Pieces" Rant will be a bit different.

It will feature several of my observations from Facebook, all put up during the last week or so from my phone.

If you have already read them, fine, but if not, here they are for you to enjoy.

I have found that the Blog readership has gone up at least 10 times since I had my eye operation, so somebody is reading what I have to say.

It doesn't help my bank account, but it makes me feel good.

So here goes ...

"I am not doing that well right now as I mend from eye surgery.

I have to lay on my stomach all day, which is a problem.

I cannot see out of my right eye at all, but I know that it will take time to heal.

I hate to be a burden on my wife and son.

I apologize to them for that."

"I just had to switch my insurance because one of my doctors will not be covered under my previous plan in 2027.

I was given the "choice" of ONE plan, ONE plan, that covers all of my doctors, and not only isn't it as good as the plan I had, but the cherry on the top is that I now have to pay a monthly fee for my insurance. 

I already pay an extra fee for dental. 

Thank you to Obamacare!"

"New York Governor Hochul has her own problems with her Jewish constituents, and her endorsement of Mamdani and his policies shows clearly where she stands. 

It is time for Democratic voters to realize what has happened to their party, and vote Republican for the first time ever. 

A vote for Hochul is a vote for the current Socialist/Nazi party. You don't support that, show that you don't by voting for Blakeman. 

And to my very stupid Jewish brethren, who seem to be blind to what is going on, this is not our Democratic Party anymore. 

Please understand this fully. You simply cannot stand on ceremony. Hold your nose if you must. Vote Republican this time around."

"Our local supermarket is charging $6 for two uncooked hamburgers.

Whatever side you are on politically, decreasing affordability is one of the things that will decide the upcoming elections.

People worry about personal economics more than anything else.

I don't think most people care about foreign policy, but this time around, they are inexplicably intertwined."

"I continue my health odyssey into the a new week.

Although I continue to be blind in my right eye, I did two things today that were difficult to do, but I did them as best as I could:

1) I shaved. 

After a week of not doing so, I did the best that I could. It was slightly difficult, but it made me feel better.

2) I worked.

I wasn't supposed to go on the computer for at least a week, but I had already been on there due to various problems I had to take care of, including health insurance, and I had run out of material to send into work--i built up a load of material but sent it all in--so today was the day to return to work.

Since my old computer was off for a few days, it did not boot up correctly, and I had a lot of trouble getting it to work the way it should, but once I did, I went right into what I had to do, and it was somewhat therapeutic.

So I am still not right by a long shot, but at least I accomplished something today.

And yes, this and other posts I have made in the past week have been through my phone.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow [today], so let's see what the doctor has to say."

Again, I don't know when I will be back here, but I will be, with one working eye or two.

"See" you then.

(P.S.: What is that photo on top of this Blog entry?

That is part of the torture device that I had to order to help me lay on my stomach for 22 hours a day.

Again, it is only part of it, but I will give any one of you a prize if you can lay in that thing, on your stomach with your head in that vice, for more than 10 minutes at a time.

We are returning it, and I spoke to the doctor's office about it, and they said it helps some people, and others ...

Time to check the toilet.)

Rant #4,029: Looking For Clues

Tomorrow is my big day ...

I am finally going to get the eye surgery I was supposed to have had a few weeks back, a surgery that never happened--

Or only partly happened, I am still not sure.

Negligence ruled the roost that day, and instead of being in recuperation right now, I have to go through the prep and everything else all over again.

Let's hope that with a new doctor and his team behind me, I can get this done, once and for all.

I would really like to attend my daughter's wedding on Halloween, so I will have 18 days to recuperate from this nightmare, which is exactly what it has become.

So last week, I tried to do as much as I could to get things done, because I know that I won't be able to do too much after the surgery.

And I am only going to fill you in on some of the stuff I did, because I did a whole lot more.

First of all, I was alerted that one of my doctors will not longer be on my health plan come 2027, so I went out looking for a new Medicare plan for myself, a goal which still isn't completed.

I spent hours on the phone trying to sort things out, but my current health plan dropped my doctor and all the doctors under the umbrella title they go under--

I have no idea why, but because of this--and for one, single doctor--I have to search for another health plan.

It wasn't an easy task, and I still don't have a new plan yet.

I went through dozens of providers, but they simply do not cover all of my doctors.

So after hours and hours of calls and misery, I finally found one provider that is willing to work with me on this, and I expect a call from them when the new coverage period goes into place--

Yes, the same week that I will be recuperating from the surgery.

I told them that they might have to speak to my wife if I am not up to speaking with them, and they are OK with it.

So that is how it goes ...

Thank you, President Obama, for Obamacare, which is the cause for all of this misery for seniors related to Medicare.

I did many other things, including having my car checked out for a relatively minor problem that turned up out of nowhere last week, and let me tell you, I was as busy as a bee getting everything in order--

And to this moment, I am pooped.

But not as pooped as my son, who has a slight cold related to working in the rain the previous Sunday.

I have tried to stay away from him as much as I can, because if I get his cold, I can't go under the knife tomorrow.

I can't afford to push this thing back any longer.

Anyway, I did many other things that had to be done--including some other doctor visits--I did some work, I drove my son back and forth to work, and yes, I conked out a couple of times, because as I said, I was pooped.

I even got a haircut, and related to the black cloud that I seem to be under, even thst didn't go smoothly--

For the first time in my lifetime of getting haircuts, the barber actually cut me, and i was bleeding.

It is so nice to get a haircut when your barber is on his cellphone and otherwise carrying on conversations with other barbers--in a foreign tongue--when he is supposed to be cutting my hair, isn't it now?

I am not looking forward to the surgery--who would be--but on the other hand, I am looking forward to it--

To get it over and done with.

And I really mean, get this ALL over and done with, because this has been some year I, and my family, have been through.

If it is not one thing, it is another, and I will tell you another thing to prove what I just said.

On Thursday evening, I received an email from the Suffolk County Board of Elections, stating that they received my ballot, but that they could not accept it because--

The middle envelope was not correctly sealed.

I had to sign an attestation that they should accept my ballot as it is, which I sent off to them via online fax that evening and in the regular mail, too.

A few questions:

1) How could this possibly be? Did I forget to seal the middle envelope, or was the seal broken by some entity trying to get into my ballot?

2) Why does everything I try to do turn into a catastrophe not of my making?

I have no answer to any of these questions, but you have to admit, it is pretty eerie.

More, more, more ...

Then, on Friday, I received a bill in the mail for my eye surgery that never happened.

Talk about chutzpah!

I made many calls on this, all the way up to the vice president of the eye care company which oversees the doctor that did not perform the surgery.

Finally, after more calls and even a long text on this subject, the VP told me that the situation would be resolved by him on Tuesday, so at least that nightmare appears to be over--

I hope.

Sheesh!

Whatever I try to do, and do the right way--such as having surgery on a medical problem or voting in the upcoming election--becomes a problem, and I really do not understand it at all.

That black cloud continues to swirl over and around me, and what is worse, is that it is doing the same thing around my family.

What did I ever do to anyone or any thing to cause these continued problems?

I haven't a clue.

But hopefully, a successful surgery will be the do all and end all of this nightmarish 2026.

I simply cannot wait for this calendar year to end, and end on a good note.

Wish me luck tomorrow.

Based on everything I have been going through, I am going to need it.

When will I speak to you next here at the Blog?

I haven't a clue.