Rant #3,668: Damn the Torpedoes

Torpedo bats.

April Fools!

No it isn't.

This is the latest, real controversy revolving around Major League Baseball, and it is just a tempest in a teapot.

On Opening Day weekend, the New York Yankees not only bear the visiting Milwaukee Brewers, they nearly obliterated them off the face if the earth.

The Yankees hit a total of 15 home runs during the three games, with four by Aaron Judge alone, including three on Saturday.

I mean, they don't call them "The Bronx Bombers" for nothing, but some think there is much more to it than that.

They point to the bats that some of them used, which are shaped a little bit differently than other bats.

The shape of the bats was supposedly created by individualized information gleaned by the team's analytics department about where certain batters are more likely to hit the ball on their bats.

Each of these bats is a little thicker around that area, and the theory is that if it is thicker, the ball will propel harder off each batter's individual sweet spot.

Not all players are using these bats; Aaron Judge, who hit 58 homers last season, isn't, but Jazz Chisholm, who hit three Homer's this past weekend, is.

So you just know some players believe the team is cheating--

But MLB has quashed that talk, saying the bats are 100 percent legal due to its rule book.

One player from the Brewers said that since it is the Yankees who have benefited from their use of these bats, MLB is letting it go because, "They are The Yankees."

All nonsense.

Maybe the Brewers' pitching staff is really that bad.

Maybe the weather had a lot to do with it, as it was very warm in the Bronx this past Daturday afternoon, the wind was blowing out, and the Yankees were facing their former pitcher, Nestor Cortes, so they were very familiar with his stuff.

That day, they hit nine homers, which isn't a record, bu the way.

All of this probably contributed to the weekend outburst, and maybe the bats had something to do with it.

Other teams are probably a bit jealous thst the Yankees one-upped them and used modern technology to design a bat that can pummel 90-100-mph pitches.

Funny, two points that have to be taken into account, but aren't:

1) The Yankees' Giancarlo Stanton used a variation of this type of bst during the 2024 postseason and World Series, and,

2) The bat was actually at least partially designed by soneone linked to the Florida Marlins' coaching staff ... yes, the same team that is traditionally one of the worst teams in the sport.

So the Yankees were just onto this quicker than other teams, and other teams' players--including the New York Mets' Francisco Lindor--already use the bat (he is still looking at his first hit of the 2025 season, through the first three games).

You just know that other teams will now jump on this bandwagon, and you just know that when one of the users goes 0 for 5 in a game, he will bemoan the moment he tried the new bat.

And that's baseball.