Rant #3,258: Auld Lang Syne

We are nearly there ...

The end of probably the worst year of my life is near, and I really can't wait!

Everything happened to myself and my family in 2023:

My mom died.

We lost our home.

I lost my mobility.

And I quite nearly lost my mind in the process.

There is just so much that one can bear, and let me tell you, I have reached my limit, and actually gone way beyond that limit.

And there are a myriad of other problems thst I never told you about, and as a result, my family and I are going out in a "blaze of glory"--or is it a "haze of glory?"--as this horrendous year comes to a close.

I personally have had enough, and I know that my family has, too.

I heard on the TV the other day that 2024 is the "year of the dragon" in the Chinese calendar.

The "year of the dragon" is always a good one, so I have another reason to believe that 2024 will be a great year for all of us.

There is a lot of negative energy in my mind, body and soul right now, and I can't quite figure out why things became so bad this year, and in particular, since my mother passed in early September.

I have thought about everything over and over and over again in my head, and nothing computes ... so I don't even think about it anymore.

I think about 2024, and the promise it holds.

We all make new year's resolutions as we dive into whatever new yesr we are going into, and let's be honest about it, those resolutions are rarely kept.

I have one, and just one, new year's resolution, and I am going to run with that resolution and make it actually happen.

I am going to get better, get back on my feet, and put my malady--and 2023 in general--way behind me.

I mean, I am not going to be able to run a marathon in 2024, but if I could simply get back on my feet, regain my independence and help out my family, that would be more than enough.

Thst is my goal, and I believe that I can do it, and really put this whole horrid year behind me.

It is a 366-day plan--2024 is a leap yesr, so.i have one extra day to get things done--and it will take each and every day for me to hit the bull's eye in meeting, and exceeding, the terms of this resolution.

And thanks for hanging with me during this dreck ... err ... trek.

Have a great new year, and I will speak to you again on Tuesday. January 2--two days into my plan of what I have vowed to do.

Onward and upward into 2024!

Rant #3,257: Every Step Of the Way

I was back to my normal self yesterday.

I did everything I had to do, including work.

The physical therapist visited me, and I had a good session. 

I was given several more exercises to get myself better, and I was also restricted to one hour on the computer at a time.

One hour ... I kind of figured, because when I do my work, my leg does stiffen up after about an hour, so if that is all I can do, that is all I can do.

I also now have a walker, the one we got for my mother during her last months, and the physical therapist wants me to use that device as much as possible, rather than the crutches, because it will give me greater mobility.

I will do anything and everything to get better, so I will start to use the walker with my crutches as a backup, or when I need to go to the bathroom ... the bathroom is too narrow for the walker, so I will have to use the crutches for that matter.

Anyway, I was sad to hear of the passing of Tom Smothers yesterday.

I absolutely loved the Smothers Brothers when I was a kid, and they opened up my mind in a lot of issues that I probably did not fully understand at the time, but Tom and Dick got me thinking ... and laughing at the same time.

And they had the only comedy act that no one could steal jokes from, because all of their jokes were about being brothers.

So another Baby Boomer hero has left us ... but his legacy is out there, in video and in recordings.

"Mom liked you better!"

Rant #3,256: Many Rivers To Cross

Tuesday was a very strange day for me, and a lot of it had nothing to do with my leg.

I actually made several gains yesterday related to my injury.

I seem to be able to maneuver around a bit better with the leg, and I actually was able to go onto the computer and go to work, albeit for around an hour or so.

I also was able to go to the bathroom, which is always good, learning to maneuver my body so I could go.

On the negative side, I felt a little under the weather for just about the entire day.

It began in the evening, when I could not sleep at all, and it just carried over to the day, where I simply felt out of it through the evening.

I never even read the newspaper, I barely watched TV, and I really did not feel like myself fir the entire day.

I even threw up two times, not much each heave. But the last time, I definitely hurt my stomach, and it really hurt a good part of the day.

It affected my sleep, and I again kept my wife up for a spell, until we tried an old fashioned remedy thst seemed to work.

My father had an ulcer, and one way that he protected himself from stomach problems was to drink a glass of milk before my parents would go out to dinner.

He did this for decades, and the milk's coating of his stomach worked for him.

I tried this, drinking a glass of milk at about 3 a.m. in the morning, and I am happy to say thst while I still feel the pull in my stomach, the milk did soothe the pain.

And the best thing about it all is that I went right back to sleep, slept for about four hours and did not get up until about 7:30 a.m. ... and my wife slept too.

And I feel like my normal self today. 

My wife thinks all the pills I was taking finally got to me yesterday, so it was like a "withdraw" day, because I used them up the day before, so yesterday was my first day off of them.

I do feel like I have a Charley Horse in my tummy, so I will just have to wait that out ... and milk will be my weapon to combat this.

I love milk, so I have no problem drinking it all day if I have to ... I will drink it until the cows come home if that is what it takes!

Physical therapy comes today, so I am psyched to show off the progress I have made.

Onward and upward!

Rant #3,255: Yakety Yak

Merry Christmas to everyone!

This year, as you well know, my holiday season has been a complete downer, but I am hoping that everyone else is having a joyous season.

Me, I am laying in my bed all day, and I just have to wait this wretched thing out.

I am not sleeping very well, and the pills I am taking are making me a bit loopy.

I speak in my sleep, and I mean really speak, keeping my wife up until I can fully doze off.

I sing, I say phrases, I reassure myself that I will be better ... I repeat my name, my birthdate and my current address ... and I tell my wife to go to sleep, even though she can't possibly do so when I am talking up a storm.

The other night, I was talking aimlessly as if we were on a cruise. I thought we were in a cabin and that we were literally asea...

But alas, we were simply in the room, and my dream was just that.

I can't contain myself in the evening. I am so uncomfortable that I guess the only way to comfort myself is to verbalize whatever I am dreaming.

It is weird, because I am not fully asleep, I hear myself talking, but I am powerless to stop it.

The other night, I know I told myself to whisper, so as not to disturb my wife, and I still spoke, but in a whisper.

Last night, I did not sleep at all.

In fact, i spoke to God.

I don't remember everything I said, but I asked for help during this terrible period in my life.

I was crying all over the place, and i kept both my wife and son up during the night.

I vow that I am going to be OK.

I am a little depressed, but I look at my wife and son, and I immediately snap out of it.

I have to get better for both them and me.

And now we have New Year's Eve and the New Year ahead if us, and I can't wait!

Getting out of the spider web that 2023 turned into is another major goal of mine, and the new year is my beacon of light, the year I vow to put the entirety of 2023 behind me get better.

Stay with me here.

I don't know when I will be writing here again, as my usual high energy level is pretty low right now.

But at least the spark is there, so I am sure I will pop in here again soon.

Rant #3,254: Do the Mouse

 

I'm back!

But I am as uncomfortable as I have ever been.

For the first time in this entire ordeal, I am hurting, and hurting a lot.

The two-hour operation was deemed a success by my doctor/surgeon, and I was doing pretty good yesterday afternoon when it was over.

My wife told me while I was still under anesthesia, I was singing TV theme songs.

I was pretty doped up to be honest with you, but I did feel some pain.

When it was finally time to leave the hospital--we had been there 10 or more hours st that point--they told me that they would transport me with a wheelchair--

But they used the wrong type of wheelchair--I needed one to get my left leg held up, and this one was one where both your legs are down--and as they transported me, I was in agony.

As my wife brought the car to the front if the hospital, I had to rest my leg on a window ledge in the waiting room.

And then I was wheeled outside, and another car was blocking the wheelchair ramp on the street, so I had to use my crutches to try to get into the car, which was a bit of a chore.

Once we finally got home, I had tremendous trouble getting up the stairs.

I ended up crawling on the floor like a mouse, and with help from my son and wife, I was pretty much lifted into the bed.

As you can imagine, I hardly ate yesterday, and I had a very rough sleep.

Incredibly, my physical therapy begins today.

I can't do much, I am still in a bit of pain, and I honestly just want to relax today.

I can't go on my computer for about a week or so, but I do have a slight backlog of stories already done that I can send into work.

I am just miserable now ... I guess the cure is, in fact, well worse than the disease.

I am going to take the day off here tomorrow to rest up, so have a Merry Christmas.

I will speak to you again on Monfay, hopefully in better shape than I am now.

Rant #3,253: How Long

I am back, but still broken, at least right now.

I had my pre-op session with the hospital, I had my latest MRI, and today, I will have my meeting with my regular doctor to get the OK for my surgery, slated for Wednesday, December 20.

The road has been a bit bumpy getting to this point.

First, I spent about three hours on the phone early last week trying to ascertain why I wasn't getting the necessary permissions to get the surgery in the first place.

I went from my doctor/surgeon's office to the insurance company to the place where I was scheduled to get the MRI, and all I was able to get was as much double talk as I had heard in my entire life.

Finally, I was told by the doctor's office that my insurance company had rejected the claim, and that my doctor was going to have to have what is called a "peer-to-peer" meeting over the phone with the insurance company to get them to change their mind--all the while I had the surgery date set in stone!

The doctor was successful, and in the evening, I found out that the insurance company agreed to the surgery request, and I was only in need of the pre-op, the MRI, and the meeting with my regular doctor to have everything in place for surgery #2.

The pre-op went well, and on Thursday, I had the MRI.

First off, they kept me waiting in the waiting room for st lesst 15 minutes past my appointment while I was in lots of discomfort.

When I finally was called in, they set me up for the MRI, asked me what music I wanted--rock--and slid me into the device.

I heard approximately one millisecond of music, and the sound went blank.

In fact, when they spoke to me through the headphones, the communication was extremely garbled, and since I could not really make out what they were saying, I just kept on telling them I was OK. 

I think I told them thst the music was not on, but whatever the case, I laid there in this thing for an hour with nothing.

I had to do something, so I kind if self-hypnotized myself, thinking of every TV theme song I could think of and remember, everything from "The Andy Griffith Show" to "Gomer Pyle USMC," and literally everything in between.

After doing this for about an hour, I was finally done, they slid me out and I told them about what I had gone through, and there was pretty much no response.

I told them that I self-hypnotized myself, and again, nothing.

I did receive a survey in my email about the MRI, and I complained through that source.

So, for the last few days, I have been sitting here, watching lots of TV, doing whatever work I could do on the computer, and pretty much vegging out, waiting for Wednesday to come so I can finally be on the road to putting this nightmare that keeps on giving in my family and my rear view mirror.

I am bored, but quite frankly, I can live without another operation to perk things up a bit.

This one will hopefully be it!

In the meantime, I have been told not to open any closets and/or drawers, and I will stick with those warnings, because I am afraid st what is going to pop out on me the next time around.

I will next speak to you on Thursday, the day after my second operation on my quad and most importantly, the first day of the rest of my life.

Speak to you then, and please keep me in your prayers.

Rant #3,252: Again

I have been scheduled for my second surgery on Wednesday, December 20, and this one needs to be the last one that I have to repair my leg.

I am in a lot of discomfort, and the sooner, the better--I just want to get better ASAP, and try to get back to my normal way of life.

I simply cannot live a fulfilling life if I don't have this procedure, because I simply cannot do much of anything now.

I am a victim of two freak injuries back to back, and that cannot happen a third time.

But then again, I did not think it could happen a second time, and look what happened.

I just want to be my old self again.

I don't think that is too much to ask.

I have cried out my eyes, and my mind, wondering how this could happen to me, not once but twice, but I cannot figure it out.

On December 20, hopefully my life will be restored.

I have an MRI tomorrow, I have to go for a pre-surgery meeting at the hospital where the surgery is being performed, and I have to get clearance from my regular doctor to have the surgery performed.

I have a long road ahead of me, but I am convinced that this ailment will be fixed, and I can be "me" again.

I think I will speak to you again not on Thursday, but on Monday, December 18.

By then, everything should be lined up, and I can concentrate on the surgery and getting better in its aftermath.

Please keep me in your prayers.

Rant #3,251: Welcome To My Nightmare

Well, I done did it again.

On Friday afternoon, I just finished some things with my computer, and I got up to put something away in the closet.

I opened the closet, opened a drawer in a unit that we have in the closet, and the contents of that drawer fell on me with such force that I fell over and was pushed to my bed--

But I knew that I had damaged my left knee again, because I couldn't move my left leg without intense pain.

No one was home--my wife had gone to.pick up my son at work--and I called her to tell her about what had happened, and she got him out of work a little esrly and rushed home.

I called my doctor, who told me to get over to his office ASAP, and when my wife and son got home, we rushed over there.

I knew the diagnosis right away: I had torn my quad once again, and after looking at xrays, the doctor concurred about what I said and he pretty much laid it on the line.

My knee can be fixed, but it might be more extensive surgery, and he could make no further guarantees.

I later scheduled an MRI for Wednesday morning, so we won't know much of anything before that.

There is really nothing more to say about this situation, other than to say I am upset, frustrated, and flummoxed about my incredibly bad fortune.

I will never give up on myself--it is simply not my nature--but I honestly don't know why these things are happening to me, and why "The Nightmare of 2023" continues without end.

If anyone has any explanations, I am willing to listen--

But is somebody sticking a voodoo doll of myself with pins?

I am willing to believe anything at this point.

I will be back on Thursday with the latest chapter of this saga. 

Stay tuned.

Rant #3,250: Hanukkah Rocks

Well, it is finally here!

The first night of Hanukkah came last night at 4:28 p.m. Eastern Standsrd Time, and I look at that as an omen.

I was born on April 28, which is 4/28, so while it might be only a coincidence, I am looking for good things from.here on in, and the light coming from the menorah might be a good sign, or beacon, for the future.

(And yes, our menorah is burning brightly in our newxresudence's kitchen window.)

Maybe things ARE  actually looking up for myself and my family.

At my physical therapy session yesterday. I learned that I am already way more advanced in turning around my condition than I had any reason to hope for.

As part of each session, the therapists measure how much I can bend my.left knee.

I am up to.a measurement of 72, and at this point, I should only be at 60. Within a few weeks, I should be at 90, so I am way ahead of the curve.

Going to PT three times a week, I was also told my positive attitude about all.of this is helping me win this battle, and I know I will succeed in kicking this within time.

The light of the menorah will guide me through the darkness I have been through.

I believe thst everything is going to be good in 2024, because ... well ... I do believe myself and my family hit rock bottom through 2023, so it won't take too.much to make 2024 better.

And each night, as we light another candle on the menorah, that positive path simply gets brighter.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, and as we move right into Christmas and the New Year, I hope that 2023 ends on a positive note for everyone.

Have a great weekend, and I will speak to you again on Monday.

Rant #3,249: Light Sings

The time is nearly here.

Tonight at sunset, Hanukkah will begin, and this eight-day celebration has so much meaning, in particular, in 2023, both personally and worldwide.

Personally, Hanukkah not only represents that 2023 is coming to an end, but that there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel.

2023 was the most horrid year for myself and my family. This year featured more personal tragedies and more turmoil than any yesr I can ever recall.

I lost my mom this past year, and then what followed followed ... having to sell the house, having to move from the house, and my injury.

That isn't even accounting for so many other things that happened prior to my mother's passing--like my wife's head injury--and so many other things that I have never told you about.

Now, my family and I are in our new apartment, and when we put up our menorah and light the first lights of the holiday, it will signify rejuvenation and a bounce back from a terrible year in 2023 to hopefully a better year in 2024.

And yes, the unrest in the Middle East--and the rise of anti-Semitism here and sround the world--certainly concerns me.

Our menorah will shine brightly in our kitchen window, and I do believe thst any Jew celebrating the holiday who doesn't put up his or her menorah for all to see is playing right into the terrorists' hands.

Our menorah will be up and burn brightly throughout the holiday, and quite frankly, if anyone has anything to say about it, let them say it directly to my family and I.

Some non-Jews are even showing solidarity with their Jewish brethren by putting up photos of a menorah as part of their Christmas displays.

We, as the Jewish population, and we, as a civilization, cannot bow down to those who threaten the very fabric of our being.

Light up that menorah, have fun during Hanukkah, and never forget, and never deny, who you are.

Have a great holiday.

Light sings ... forever.

Rant #3,248: Another Rainy Day In New York City

Not really, but it might as well have been raining yesterday.

More about that later.

As for me ...

I am doing pretty well, considering what I have been through.

I went for physical therapy yesterday, and they ere quite pleased as to what I could do versus what I can't do.

I will be going three days a week for this series of PT, and hopefully then, after a couple of weeks, I can move on to another level, and then to another.

I know I have a long way to go, but today is the first day of all of this, and while I was quite tired after thos first round, I now have a game plan to success.

And now to other business ...

As I watch New York State Governor Kathy "The Yokel" Hochul gleefully hold a pep rally for congestion pricing--when was the last time this woman ever got into a car and drove it--it simply dawned on me that after many years of being on life support, New York City is officially dead.

It has been on life support for decades, but I do believe it has hit rock bottom as we end 2023 and churn into 2024.

The "Right To Shelter" problem has allowed New York City to become the nation's cesspool for every supposed asylum seeker who wants to come here.

And these illegal aliens have actually been empowered by certain groups to make demands as if they are citizens and actually belong here.

ThIs, in turn, has put the final dagger into, among other things, the New York City school system, which is now forced to teach thousands of students who cannot speak a word of English.

And this once great school system cannot control.its students, who take over schools and commit anti-social acts, including those professing allegiance with terrorist causes, without punishment.

And then you have congestion pricing, which will keep thousands of visitors from Long Island, Wesrltchester, New Jersey and elsewhere from coming into Manhattan, and for those that do, it will cost them a ridiculous amount to come into the Big Apple.

There is no grace on those who absolutely need to drive in, like truckers and cab drivers, and you just know that their prices will go up exponentially, and these extra costs will be passed down to the general public, which will put many local businesses out of business.

This once great city has finally died, and as someone who grew up in Queens, I do mourn its passing ... and applaud my parents, who got us out of there more than 50 years ago when the city was only on life support.

I feel terrible for the good people who live in New York City, who have had to weather horrid leadership for st least since the 1960s, and it has taken all of this time to finally break this once great city into pieces.

So sorry that it had to come to this.

i feel better, New York City is dead, and 2023 is just about over.

Good riddance.

Rant #3,247: i Believe

Today is the day.

I begin my rehab today with my first of many days of physical therapy.

Four to six weeks right away, who knows what follows, and I am greatly anticipating getting this started.

And that is for a variety of reasons.

First, I want to get better. I want to get back to where I was before my accident happened.

That is the most important reason, dwarfing whatever other reasons I will talk about here.

But another reason I am glad that physical therapy begins tomorrow is clearly a mental thing.

I am bored ... bored beyond my wildest dreams ... or nightmares.

I am stuck on my bed watching television for a majority of the day.

It is broken up by work, and in the evening, I go.into our living room and eat dinner, then later, I watch TV with my son, but out of a 168 hour week, I am sitting in the bed with my left leg in a heavy brace and on a pillow for like 160 hours.

I read the newspaper, pretty much stringing that exercise out for almost an entire morning, only reading the paper during commercials.

But there is only so much TV one can watch, and I have pretty much reached my limit.

I have always been a person who does what he wants to do when he wants it, but my life was turned upside down by this terrible injury, and my entire mindset has had to change.

I know I have to ne patient, but patience has its limits.

I know I have a long way to go to get back to where I should be, but looking at the months it will take, it is making me crazy.

But I also know that the process will only work if I fully buy into.it, and I have done just that.

I pretty much don't have much of a choice.

It is all very frustrating, but today is the day thst i might get a better read on all of this.

I can't cross my legs, so let's keep our fingers crossed.

I need all the luck I can get.

Rant #3,246: I'm On the Right Road Now

Friday was a big day in my path to rehabilitation.

I finally was seen by my dictor/surgeon for the first time after.this major quad surgery i had, and the doctor gave me a green light to go right into.physical therapy.

But it took.him a few minutes to get to thst point.

His first response to viewing my leg was, "Why is it bent,?" basically meaning thst with the brace in place, my leg should have been as straight as an arrow.

But I demonstrated to him that I could make my leg as straight as could be, it was just the way I was sitting that made it appear thst the leg was bent.

To further convince him that I was OK, he asked me to raise my leg up straight to the sky from a lying down position, which I did quite easily, even moving it back and forth a couple of times.

He was convinced!

The doctor removed a few sutures--which didn't hurt in the lesst--and he then gave me the material to set up an appointment st the physical therapist, in addition to setting up another appointment with him for late December.

So on Tuesday, I will begin my.physical therapy ... and I can't wait!

I also took my first shower since the accident on Sunday morning.

My wife helped me, and I have to say I was quite a bit nervous ... compounded by the fact that I had a nightmare on Saturday evening about me falling while walking with my crutches.

But I persevered, and I feel so good about it!

I know I have to be patient, but I am now one step closer to my goal of recovery.

I realize I have a long way to go, but at least I am on the right road now.

And with the help of my family, I feel confident that within time, I will be where I need to be.

And thanks for everyone for sticking with me.

This has been an extremely difficult time for my family and myself, but with your help and belief in us, we will get through all.of this.

Onward and upward!

Rant #3,245: Wonderful

Today is a big day for me, as I have an appointment to visit my doctor/surgeon for the first time after my surgery of more than three weeks ago.

I was supposed to go on Monday, but my wife had her mishap, so I could not go.

She is fine, thank God, and now it is time to see how I am doing ... and I think i am doing well.

I am bored with this situation, and even though I am trying to be patient, it is getting more difficult by the day to sit in the bed virtually all day and watch TV.

I do have my work, which does break up the day a bit ... I read the newspaper ... I go through the mail when my wife gives it to me ... and I write this blog, but it is getting monotonous, to say the least.

Heck, this leg brace that I have to wear 24 hours a day has almost become my anchor to the bed!

Today, I will at least get a better read on how I am doing and what the near future holds.

I am bored, watch more TV than I have watched since I was a little kid, and I guess it is better than not having the TV to pass some of the time.

I watch a lot of local and national news, and to digress a wee bit, let me tell you something that I have noticed on these news shows, in particular the local news shows.

Has anyone in the New York Metrpolitan Area noticed that at least on New York television news shows, when the 10-day weather forecast is shown, there is absolutely no mention of Hanukkah starting on the evening of Thursday, December 7?

No mention, no decorative add ons on the visuals for that day, no nothing.

Sure, we are still a week away from the start of the holiday, but I have noticed a complete lack of mention that Hanukkah is a week away--and that goes for ALL of the local stations, including News 12.

Why is that?

I know why, I just want to hear what others have to say.

And yes, my family's menorah will be proudly displayed in our front window for the length of the holiday.

Just let's say thst it is something that I have noticed, and I hope it dissipates and becomes a non-issue as we get closer to the holiday.

So as I sit here thinking about all of this, have a great weekend, and I will speak to you again on Monday ...

Hopefully with a good report on my condition, and the condition of New York TV, to tell you about.