Rant #3,045: Don't Let the Rain Fall Down On Me

 

My family and I just cannot get out of the way of this black cloud that we are under.

We have been under it for so long that it has become our “normal,” which is not a good thing.

There is nothing that I am going to talk about here that is insurmountable, but it just adds another brick to this steady load that we are weathering, and I simply cannot see light at the end of the dark tunnel.

If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.

Yesterday, we found out that my son is going to need a tooth pulled.

He has a cavity way back in his mouth … so far back on the left side that the dentist told me that it is unsalvageable, and needs to be removed.

It is the same tooth—on the other side of his mouth—that he had taken out a couple of years ago, so it seems less from lack of maintenance than simply a naturally bad tooth.

It is a tooth right near an impacted molar, so we may just have the whole thing removed before it becomes a major, life-long problem for him.

He has done well without the opposite tooth, so we have no doubt that he won’t miss this tooth, either.

But it has to be done, and it will be removed in a few months.

And then the dentist tells me that as far as my account, my dental insurance has not paid them in about a year … and it is now up to me to contact the insurance company and find out why that is.

Late yesterday, I discovered that my mother’s credit card account has been abused by someone, and that there are charges on that account that were unauthorized.

I found this out last night, as we received our mail late yesterday—the one day we needed to receive the mail on time so I could have gotten this all taken care of right away.

With my mother’s mental state, I have taken over the administration of her finances, and I noticed that there was a charge on her credit card that was errant, and certainly not made by her, since she doesn’t have the cards anymore—they are in my possession—and wouldn’t know how to order online anyway.

It was for a few hundred dollars, and was made on Christmas Day, of all days.

I called the credit card company, but they would not speak to me without my mother’s permission, but I could not get my mother on the phone because it was too late and she was sleeping.

So I will have to call back today, and get this mess all taken care of.

And as this happens, my mother’s mental state isn’t getting any better.

It gets worse by the day.

So, as I kind of figured, 2023 is simply an extension of 2022, not a beginning point to wash the slate clean of the stench of the prior year but a transparent one, where things remain the same, and things have not changed in my household or for my family at all at the dawn of this new year.

In fact, for the first time in several days, I had some trouble sleeping last night, as there were too many things playing on my mind … just like it was during the latter stages of 2022.

When it rains, it pours, and in my situation, it seems to be coming down in buckets.

I don’t know why that is, but it is what it is, and I just have to deal with it, because there is really nothing else that I can do about it but take care of these individual situations and than move on.

I have often asked myself why this is happening, and I have no answer.

Did I do anything bad in the past, and this is simply payback time?

Is God testing me for some reason?

And the eternal question … “Why’s everybody always picking on me?”

And no, the answer to that question is definitely not “Charlie Brown.”

I just don’t get it, don’t get it at all.

I really do feel that there is a dark cloud over me and over us, and I cannot figure out why that is so.

I am trying to laugh it all off—laughter is the best medicine—but it really doesn’t work.

At least my own dentist appointment went well, so maybe I should look on the bright side of things, but there is too much negativity around me, so much that it cancels any good that does happen.

Writing this Blog every day is therapy for what ails me. I am able to get off my chest my feelings, and that does make me feel good.

But it should be a joyous time in my life now, and it really has been just the opposite.

I continue to look for silver linings in all of this, but quite frankly, I don’t see any.

The only good thing is that I know my family and I will eventually persevere … but to get to that point is and has been nothing but torture.