Rant #3,001: Open Sesame

Good morning!
 
Get up from bed!
 
It is time to move!
 
And I darn well know that after reading today’s blog entry, that you are going right to your Yahoo Home Page News Feed for the latest news.
 
At the blog, we haven’t taken a gander at the home page in a while, but to start our next thousand posts here, let’s look at the exciting, breaking news that millions of people use as their top, and only, news source during the day.
 
First off, we have the striking revelation—“Female Bodybuilders Describe Widespread Sexual Exploitation.”
 
So now we know that bodybuilding isn’t that much different from professional wrestling, where female participants are tweaked for the way they look and perform, and are looked at as the freaks of nature many of them are due to over-exercise and the use of body “enhancements” to make them look better.
 
Ho hum, nothing that Norah O’Donnell wouldn’t put at the top of her “CBS Evening News” daily story agenda.
 
And talk about exploitation, we now have the return of porn starlet/supposed Trump bed buddy Stormy Daniels in the breaking news story “Stormy Daniels Sets the Record Straight On Trump, Plastic Surgery and Misinformation: ‘There’s Just So Much That People Didn’t Know.’"

In this fascinating story, Daniels, among other things, describes her life beyond the bed, telling us that she is not just an actress but a director and writer evidently of high renown, and she also tells the world that she has names for her breast implants just as any lady would: “Thunder” and “Lightening” [sic}.
 
Let’s see … we move down the feed for the day, and we find “What Happens To Your Body When You Eat Canned Tuna,” “Woman Doesn’t Give Up First Class Plane Seat For a Family, and Most Side With Her,” and “Child Found Locked In Dog Kennel Said He ‘Lived Outside’ Since April, Warrants Show.”
 
Norah O’Donnell, are you paying attention?
 
But it gets even better than that—
 
“’World’s Dirtiest Man’ Dead at 94 ‘Not Long After’ Taking Bath For First Time In Decades.”
 
Quite amazingly, I cannot find a single bikini photo from an actress who doesn’t want you to look or exploit her in my entire feed for today, which might be a first, so no, guys and gals, there is not a single Elizabeth Hurley photo showing “how good she looks” at the decrepit age of 50-something.
 
Yes, we do have some real news stories mixed into this mess, one about Kanye West and the termination of his contract with Adidas for his continu8ed anti-Semitic rants—they took their time canning him, didn’t they, but fools that spend millions on his sportswear line evidently speak louder than his feelings about Jews—so Adidas -which has Nazi roots to begin with—took their sweet time in dumping him.
 
But generally, you really have to continue to shake your head at what Yahoo considers to be “news,” and the “responsibility” it takes in being the only news source that millions of people will ever rely on to keep them up to date.
 
But Yahoo pretty much absolves itself from that responsibility by providing a separate news feed, which you can get from a simple click of your mouse.
 
I mean, the lead story there, “This ‘Powerful’ Mini Chainsaw Has Hundreds of 5-Star Reviews on Amazon—And It’s On Sale” certainly is as newsworthy a story as I have ever seen, so that is all taken care of.
 
But still no Elizabeth Hurley sighting?
 
I am completely disappointed.
 
Whenever I do an entry like this one, she is invariably there to comfort me and add to the newsworthiness of my Yahoo Home Page feed.
 
And when I look her up in my Yahoo search engine—
 
I find that a mere two days ago, here was a major news headline:
 
“Elizabeth Hurley, 57, Looks Amazing In Bikini.”
 
The world is not lost. Everything is normal.
 
We actually have an Elizabeth Hurley sighting, but it wasn’t today, it was two days ago!
 
I wonder if her body has gotten more decrepitly than it actually is since I last saw her in the news feed.
 
Let me check this out.
 
Well, I see a few more stretch marks, but yes, I guess she really does look amazing, in particular when she has absolutely nothing else to offer.
 
And two days ago must have been an Elizabeth Hurley bonanza, as I see another story from that day entitled, “Elizabeth Hurley Says She’s ‘Very Comfortable’ Sharing Bikini Pecs at 57.”
 
Good for her!
 
Now my Yahoo Home Page News Feed is really, truly, living up to its newsworthiness!
 
Norah O’Donnell, please take note.