Rant #2,876: Eat to the Beat

How was your Passover and Easter celebrations?
 
My family’s Passover seders were good this year.
 
We had the first seder at my house, and even though it was sort of “seder-lite,” it still hit the spot as a very special meal.
 
My daughter was there, too, which made the date even better.
 
For the second seder, we went to my sister’s house for the festive meal.
 
It was a longer seder, we did more than we did at my house, but it was just as good, in particular with all of us being able to get together.
 
And no, one of the fabled “Four Questions” was not, “Why do we test ourselves prior to coming to such events, and why do we test ourselves afterwards?”
 
Sorry,, CDC, this is not happening in my family, and I wonder how many others actually did this before and after they went to their holiday gatherings.
 
The authorities—and I use that term lightly—are now warning us of two new COVID-19 variants, but I, personally, are more worried about people shooting others on the street for no particular reason than in getting the coronavirus.
 
I feel that we have the tools now to fight this thing, and 99.9 percent of people who unfortunately get the virus have little or no symptoms, so it is time that we handled this like getting the flu.
 
Take a few days off, and you will be fine … no reason for panic, although there are those among us who want us to be in a perpetual panicked state.
 
Not me.
 
My family has gotten the shots, and the booster (my wife is not eligible just yet for what amounts to the third shot), so I am confident that I have nothing to worry about, even though others say just the opposite.
 
“Tough tomatoes” on them.
 
I have more virulent things to combat … and that includes matzoh.
 
I absolutely love matzoh.
 
In fact, as of right now, over the past four days, I must have had at least 10 boards of the stuff already, and probably will have many more boards as the holiday progresses throughout its eight days.
 
I love it with Temp Tee cream cheese on it (kosher for Passover, of course).

I love it with butter on it.
 
I love it with tuna fish on it.
 
I love it with other things, like gefilte fish, sardines and yes, even with hot dogs.
 
I love it all.
 
But sometimes my stomach does not love it, and then we have what I have always called the dreaded “matzoh stomach.”
 
This malady is fierce.
 
It makes you feel like you are carrying a bowling ball in your stomach—a 16-pounder, not one of those flimsy nine-pounders—and you simply cannot get that feeling out of your system.
 
II thought I was getting there yesterday, but happily, I was able to remove that feeling by late morning, so I was OK yesterday.
 
But some years it just creeps up on you, and that year may be this year for all that I know.
 
We still have plenty of time left in this holiday, so I might have to report back to you on this later, but right now, I am doing fine.
 
And to add to it, this year’s chocolate matzoh “crop” is better than ever, adding another wrinkle to one’s binded stomach.
 
Unlike last year—when the chocolate matzoh seemed to have been made in a rush during the pandemic, with the chocolate never quite sticking to the matzoh like it should—this year’s offerings are perfect.
 
The chocolate sticks to the matzoh like glue, and the taste is top-notch.
 
So between the matzoh, the chocolate matzoh, and the macaroons—let’s not forget those power dots of coconut and whatever else goes into them—I am truly more fearful of "matzoh stomach" than I am of any virus right now.
 
And really, that is the way it should be as we creep closer to getting back to normal in our society and our world.
 
So if I get the dreaded "matzoh stomach," it will at least come with the understanding that this is the way it is supposed to be, this is not a “new” normal, and it just goes to signify the holiday that we observe--and that I have enjoyed almost more than any other religious holiday, for as long as I can remember--is back, and it is business as usual.
 
And that means “getting back to normal” for me, at least.