Rant #2,499: Turn To Stone

Yesterday was kind of a sad day in my house, a day we were not looking forward to, but a day that had to come and one that we had to face.

Yesterday morning, I went to a monument dealer and we picked out a headstone for my father’s grave.

I don’t even know what you call a business that designs gravestones or headstones--is it a masonry?--but that is where we went yesterday morning, to a place not very far from where my father had his funeral service and the cemetery in which he is buried.

The business handles all types of cemetery markers for all denominations, and we found that they had a wide catalog of Jewish headstones that we could choose from.

When you choose such a headstone, you pay for the style and by the word, and my mother wanted it to be as simple as possible—but it is costly no matter what route you go.

I will not tell you exactly what will be on the completed headstone, but I will tell you that it will feature my father’s name, his Hebrew name, and a few words about him.

Creating such a headstone is a long process, and we were told that we probably won’t hear about it until the spring of next year, when my mother will have to give the go-ahead to the final proof of the headstone.

And from there, the headstone is created, and we won’t have it for about a year after my father passed away, so it will be ready on September 7, 2021, exactly a year after he died.

Jews have what is referred to as an “unveiling” of the headstone, where a group of family members witness the finished product standing over the grave.

It is a somber occasion, one that not too many people want to talk about or remember, but it is pretty much the end of the entire process, from the person’s passing, to the funeral service, to the burial, to the mourning period.

And then, as tradition has it, the family visits the grave as many times during the year as they would like to do so, and stones are put on the top of the marker, to signify that they had been there and have seen that the site has been kept up well.

“Perpetual care” handles that, allowing family members to visit the grave and be assured that the site is being kept up, which means that it is free of weeds, whatever plant life is there is sculpted correctly, and that the land around the grave is manicured on a regular basis.

And yes, such care also makes sure that they grave is not desecrated in any way, shape or form.

Yesterday was a sad occasion, but one that we had to endure. My mother got through it pretty well, because she knew exactly what she wanted the headstone to look like. There was really no discussion at all about it; she knew that she wanted it simple, and that is what we will get.

It’s funny … my father always said that his headstone should be special, that it should have a screen built into it and that when a button on the grave was pushed, a video would come on of him talking about his life.

We never knew if he was joking or not, but that is what he said … with a wry smile on his face.

Well, he isn’t going to get that—he will get just the opposite of such an ornate idea—but he will get something that celebrates his life in the proper way, with a few words speaking volumes about the man he was and still is to all who knew him.

Yes, yesterday was a difficult day for us, but I think my father would be happy with what we got him.

Its simplicity is the key here, because although it will feature few words, those words will resonate in perpetuity about the type of man, husband, father and grandfather that he really was.