Classic /rant #1,126 (January 20, 2014): Nun-Sense

Perhaps we could have used the Professor to figure this one out.

Reports this weekend out of Italy are that a young nun in her early 30s recently gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

The nun said that she had no idea that she was pregnant, had some chest pains, and then gave birth.

She has named the child Francis, after you know who.

Anyway, this story seems to be legit. Remember, you can't believe everything you read on the Internet, but many, many news organizations have picked up on this, it's been a few days, so it does not appear that this story is a hoax.

So many questions arise from this story that I don't know where to begin.

First off, she claims that she had no idea that she was pregnant.

Ladies, never having been pregnant myself, I would assume, based on my impregnating two women, that I remember them both saying that their bodies went through various changes while they were pregnant.

First, your period vanishes, doesn't it? And don't you get bigger in certain places as the fetus grows?

How can a woman not know that she is pregnant? I have heard this refrain from other women in other cases, but I have no idea how that is humanly possible.

Second, how did this happen in the first place?

What did she think she was doing when she "hooked up" with whoever the father is?

Did she not know that she was participating in an act that could lead to pregnancy, and an act that is prohibited for nuns?

Now look, I know about the Virgin Mary and stuff like that, but heck, she may not know that she is pregnant, but she certainly must have known what she was doing with her partner ... wouldn't she?

I remember when I was a young man, every once in a while you would read in the newspaper about a virgin birth, where the woman claimed that she did not have intercourse yet became pregnant.

It is possible. One way is that there is an ejaculation in a swimming pool, and somehow, a woman almost unknowingly absorbs the stuff, and VOILA! she becomes pregnant.

And, of course, a woman can become pregnant under a doctor's supervision, like the Octomom did.

But the Octomom wanted to become pregnant. I assume the nun didn't.

But frankly, I have to scratch my head at this latest episode.

Years ago, the only "pregnant nun" I ever heard of was Sally Field.

When she starred as Sister Bertrille on "The Flying Nun," during the third season, she was pregnant, believe it or not.

She hid behind lots of rocks and her robes were even more flowing than before, but yes, she was pregnant portraying a nun on the show.

They used stock footage for her flying scenes, by the way.

And she sang "Felicidad" all the while.

Funny, that third season is not on DVD, isn't shown in syndication, and has vanished off the face of the earth.

Why is that?

Anyway, back to "real" life, like Ricky Ricardo used to say to Lucy on "I Love Lucy," that nun's "got a lot of splainin' to do."

And a lot of that "splainin'" will come in the future, when the nun has to explain to her son the circumstances under which he came into this world.

Oy vey!