Classic Rant #1,118 (January 8, 2014): The Ballad of Car vs. Car

Going to work one blustery day

I dropped my son off at school and went on my merry way.

Driving on the road like I do every day

I met up with a metal garbage pail that stood in my way.

It was "my car or the object," I said to myself

And although I swerved, the object was stealth.

It hit my car on the passenger side

I hoped that there wasn't damage, but luck was not with me on this ride.

The further I drove, the more rattling I heard

And when I stopped the car ... well, I won't repeat the word!

I drove into work and made my insurance claim

I then drove back to my area on the same road I came.

I looked for that can as hard as I could

But it wasn't to be, as I stared from the window across my hood.

I drove the car to the repair shop, and knew what they would say

I would have to leave the car, and they would repair it, by Friday.

They gave me a loaner car, a nice Jeep that was white

I haven't driven one in a long time, so to be safe, I drove on the right.

Another driver who was in a rush blurted out through a stop sign

Barely missing the loaner car as I drove on the right side of the line.

I knew this was not my day and drove back to work

And yes, driving this loaner white Jeep made me feel like a jerk.

No accidents for decades, no problems at all.

And now I feel about two feet tall.

But I warn you that one day I will find that can

And when I do, well, I might say things to it that aren't normally part of my plan.

But will it answer back, as inanimate objects normally can't do?

My luck, this one will, and I will really feel like I'm truly without a clue.

Until that day comes, and hopefully it never will

I will have to take this experience as a bitter pill

This is my ballad of car vs. can

I just have to take it, because ultimately, I am the better man.