Rant #2,042: Psycho Killer

Well, the shoe has finally dropped at work.

Yesterday, at about 5:20 p.m., or about 10 minutes before closing time, one of the higher ups at our company called the editorial staff together, and told us the obvious, something that we pretty much already knew: the company was in dire straits, and only probably has enough cash to sustain us for perhaps another year.

Since I have been through this before in my career, I know that when he says "probably a year," he actually means perhaps three or four months.

We lost two people yesterday: a fellow editorial staff member, who finally found a job after looking about as long as I have been looking; and our last salesman, who didn't work on the book that I work on, who is also leaving for greener pastures.

And by the way, this salesman is part owner of the company.

And in the middle of all of this, the higher up says to me: "It's Hanukkah tonight, isn't it? Happy Hanukkah."

Yes, they do know how to rub your face in it, don't they?

Look, as you know, I have been talking about this for the past year.

The day was inevitable, but with another year under my belt there, I was aware of it, but I trudged on, looking like the Dickens for another job, but safe in the fact that I was looking for another job while I still was working.

Now I am working, but sort of in a lame duck status, because by the time I "celebrate" my 22nd year there--March 28--I might actually not be celebrating too much because I might just be out of a job.

I have painted the people I work for as insensitive and nasty, and believe me, they are, and then some, but worse than that, they are also incredibly ignorant for people who are leading a company that has been around for more than 50 years.

I have spent more than one-third of my life there, and at 60 years of age, I really don't know what the future holds for me.

I have done everything I can to get out of this abyss, but nothing has worked thus far.

The only good thing about yesterday was that it at least draws the line in the sand, and directs me to keep on pushing, keep on looking, and keep on doing what I have been doing.

There is nothing else I can do.

Am I scared? Sure I am. I have been out of work before, and it is really, really tough, especially when it becomes extended.

I am not ready to retire, and forced retirement is not an option.

Working in the environment that I am working in is a nearly impossible task, but I will do the best I can to make it work for me.

I owe that to my family.

At this point, there is truly nothing else that I can do.