Rant #1,830: Addicted to Shove

I can’t win for losing.

Whatever I do that is right, in the logical world, is actually wrong in the real world.

Let me illustrate this to you right now, right before my blood vessels explode out of complete frustration.

Several days ago, I had my yearly interview with the Supplemental Security Income (SSI) people to bring them up to date on my son.

They ask a couple of questions, it really is no big deal, and it is sort of a checks-and-balances type of thing, just to make sure we are all on the same page.

Everything went well, the interview lasted about 30 minutes during my lunch break, and I awaited their mail communication to me to check over the information and alert them if there any mistakes.

I finally received their paperwork yesterday, and everything was copacetic, until I got to the section of the document that says, “What we need from you.”

They asked me to send them a savings bond that my son and my wife share, and send it through the mail or bring it in to them in person.

Well, I am not going to send a savings bond to anyone in the mail, and certainly not a governmental entity. I will never see that bond again, both because of their imbecility and the way our local mail is around here, which I have talked about at great length in this column and won’t go into again right at this moment.

Well, I called SSI back today, and I was told that in lieu of sending the actual bond to them, I could have a bank—the issuing bank or one of its branches—make out a letter, on the bank’s letterhead, with all the information on the bond—names, dollar amount, etc.—and it would suffice.

When I heard this, I was happy, since I wouldn't have to take any time off of work, and I called the bank—later banks—to find out if and when they could do this for me.

Well, to my dismay, the banks refused to do this, yes, even the issuing bank that my wife once worked for. The banks I spoke to said they do not provide such a service.

So, I called SSI back, which is like calling out "Help!" in an empty forest. Yes, your message reverberates, but nobody gets back to you to help you.

Suffice it to say, I hung on the phone for a half hour or more, only to be disconnected “because call volume was high.”

I called back several more times, to no avail.

I called several other related names and numbers I had, and finally got to someone, who told me that I should have contacted several other numbers—numbers which I called, left messages with, and never received a return call from.

I decided that I would call SSI one last time, and lo and behold, after being on the phone for several minutes, someone picked up.

I told them my predicament, and the answerer said, “There is a simple way to get this accomplished. Just bring in the bond to your local Social Security office. You can come during normal business hours.”

“Your normal business hours are my normal business hours. That is the gist of this whole thing. I can’t get to your office without taking time off from work, which I really don’t want to do.”

“Well, you can send us the bond in the mail.”

“I am not sending a $x savings bond in the U.S. mail. You have got to be kidding.”

“Well, then you have to take time off from work and bring it in in person.”

“You know, that is anti-working person. I just told you that I do not want to take time off from work.”

“Well, then you are going to have to send it to us.”

“Why did the other worker say I could do it [the way I just explained to you] through the bank, sending me on a wild goose chase for nothing?”

“I don’t know, but you are going to have to take time off from work to bring the bond to us, where we will make a photocopy of it.”

“Why can’t I send you the photocopy?”

“Because we have to actually see the bond, so you can mail it, or take time off from work to come to our office.”

At this point, I had had enough.

Yes, I will take time off from work and get this done. If it takes a whole day of sitting there, I guess I will have to do this.

And at this point, if that is what it takes, that is what it takes.

I really don’t care anymore. I will sit there with a smile on my face for a whole day if necessary.

And that, my friends, is our government at work.

I am not going to get political here, but if any of you have been through a similar episode to this one, you know just how frustrating it can be.

And yes, as I am typing this, my veins are getting larger. I can feel it.

Let me end this before they burst.

Have a good weekend, and speak to you again on Monday.