Classic Rant #198 (February 19, 2010): Taking the Tiger By the (Tall) Tale

So, Tiger Woods has scheduled a news conference for this morning to discuss his recent woes, and he wants to address them with the public. He wants to iron out everything, make apologies to the world, and move on with his life.

Oh, how sorry I feel for this multi-millionaire who can't keep his pants on!

Why he has to do such a news conference is beyond me. I mean, the only people he is accountable to in this whole episode are his wife, Elin, and his family, no one else.

But people eat this up, and that is why all the major networks will be covering this shindig live today.

But he has some parameters when it comes to the news conference.

He can't be asked any questions by reporters, and the reporters are hand-picked by him.

This is a news conference?

I remember a similar news conference that Michael Jackson had to plead to the public that he didn't molest young children. That really got him nowhere, and the best thing that happened in his career was that ... well, he died, which made so many people rush out and buy his records and proclaim him as the "God" they thought he was.

I don't think Tiger will have to go that route to win back the public.

All he has to do is to win a tournament or two or three--he is just behind Jack Nicklaus as the leader in tournament wins--and the public will pretty much forget this.

Then why the news conference, or what he is calling a news conference?

Well, he lost millions when his sponsors dropped him. This conference is as much to pull back sponsors as anything else.

So when you watch this (and I know you will), and you see Tiger shedding a few tears, you really have to ask yourself:

Is he shedding those tears because he blew his marriage or because he blew his endorsements?

I would say, sadly, that it is the latter.