Rant #1,558: He Got What He Deserved

Former Subway Restaurant spokesman Jared Fogle got what he deserved yesterday.

He was sentenced to 15 and a half years in prison for his indiscretions related to children, and quite frankly, he probably could have, and maybe should have, gotten a lot more time than he did.

You might remember that for years, Fogle fronted the Subway chain, the first fast food chain to align itself with the then burgeoning healthy eating movement.

He claimed that while in college, he lost massive amounts of weight by eating Subway sandwiches, which was a crock to begin with, but the public, well, ate it up with gusto.

So he went from an unknown college student to a national sensation, appearing in numerous commercials, public appearances, and the like, all to show that the average Joe could stay healthy by eating Subway sandwiches.

He did this for years, and benefited as one of the most well known commercial spokesmen in the country, if not the world.

The problem was that evidently, Fogle traded his food obsession for more licentious obsessions, and that is why he finds himself in prison today.

He went from craving food to craving sex, but this married man with children craved sex with young girls.

As he traveled around the country promoting Subway sandwiches, he was also hooking up with young women around the country for sex, most of them underage, perhaps some as young as eight years old.

He evidently preferred girls who were in the mid teens range, the ones who were just flowering.

And he had been enjoying this pursuit, evidently, for years and years.

He had someone with like tastes in his own side firm--a philanthropic organization that Fogle had set up--and the only reason this might have come out is that the other person--also since convicted--had his computers confiscated, and lo and behold, Fogle's name was all over the place on these computers for accepting child porn.

One thing led to another, and Fogle was implicated.

It is truly hard to believe that he got away with this for so long, but now, the once-beloved spokesman finds himself a completely broken man. His wife filed for divorce, he might never see his kids again, and he wonders if they can ever get over this.

He should have thought about this before he did these horrible acts.

Subway distanced itself from Fogle immediately when the charges first surfaced, but they are also tarnished forever, linked to Fogle whether they like it or not.

Fogle had been doing this for years, planning his promotional trips along with sex outings, so you have to wonder about the pimps who set him up with the girls. He must have named names to get such a relatively light sentence, and will there be more court actions related to Fogle's indiscretions?

Who knows, but at least they got the right guy behind bars.

The guy had one of the cushiest jobs one could have, and he threw it away for some moments of pleasure.

Let him think about that over the next 15 and a half years.

Speak to you again on Monday.

Classic Rant #210 (March 9, 2010): Rabbis Blox Bagels and Lox

I heard yesterday that some ultra-Orthodox Rabbinical Board decreed that bagels and lox were not kosher anymore, and thus, for those Jews that follow these laws, had become verboten.

I have to tell you right off the bat that I am the only Jew in the world who does not like lox. I have never liked them, don't know what the big deal is about them, and don't eat them.

But millions of Jews--and Gentiles--just love lox.

So you can say that since I don't like them, I am following what this Rabbinical Board said, because I am not eating them.

However, for those that love them, the problem is, according to the Rabbinical Board, that lox--and other fish--contain a certain parasite that now can't be classified. Since it can't be classified, it can't be kosher. Simple as that.

But it isn't simple as that.

The parasite, which is acknowledged to exist, dies out when the fish are refrigerated.

So when you eat the lox, the parasite does not exist anymore.

So other Rabbinical organizations say, go ahead, eat the lox, because it is, in fact, kosher.

Once again, you have groups of the same faith butting heads. One group says no, the other group says yes.

What is a poor Orthodox Jew to do?

Since I am not Orthodox, and since I don't eat lox anyway, it doesn't really matter to me. But it does matter to millions around the world.

It almost boils down to the old question, "What is a Jew?"

Is a Jew someone who keeps a kosher home, or can a Jew be someone who simply follows the Old Testament the way he or she wants to interpret it?

This question is one for the ages, and you can get good arguments going both ways.

I guess that personally, I am a Jew, but because I don't keep a kosher home, I am a heathen to some of my own faith. I don't follow all the holidays, and although my son was bar mitzvahed, as was I, some Jews don't consider me Jewish.

I will go even further. My wife's father is Jewish, but her deceased mother was not. She brought up the three children--my wife has two brothers--in the Jewish faith, but she never converted.

So I guess I am even a worse heathen, because to some, I did not marry a person who is Jewish by the laws that some say govern our religion.

Of course, we were married by an Orthodox rabbi, who found nothing inappropriate.

Ah, these types of arguments are what makes the world go around.

But don't pass me the lox. I don't like them.

And for that, some would consider me the worst heathen of all.

Rant #1,557: The Scanner Saga Is Over ... I Think

I am sorry about Charlie Sheen testing HIV-positive, but you know, I have my own problems.

As you know, I was without a scanner, as my old, trusty Hewlett-Packard scanner broke down after years of service.

What to do?

Get another one, and get the same one, and you know what? The scanner came to my home yesterday, just about a day and a half after I ordered it.

That was incredible in and of itself.

I took it out of the box, and hooked it up to my computer. Since it is the exact same device as I had before, no need to run the program, because everything it needs is there.

But then I discovered that the unit was not working, not scanning anything.

It seemed like it was more crunching than scanning.

I took the directions out, and lo and behold, I was in such a rush to do some scanning that I forgot to take the pin out of the bottom of the unit.

The pin holds everything in place during shipping.

I totally forgot about it.

I flipped over the device, and there it was. I turned it once as the directions said I should and ...

It did not come out.

I did it again and again, and it did not come out.

I brought it into the kitchen, took out a sharp knife to try to get it out, turned it again, and it did not come out.

But then I thought ... it has to hit some type of groove that should allow it to come right out, I just have to match the pin with the groove.

And I did just that, and it came right out.

So I rushed back to the computer, hooked the thing up, and I was ready to scan.

Here is my first scan on this device. I think it came out pretty well.

The problem was when I did another scan, one of a document, the machine froze, and froze my computer, as I chose where I wanted the document scan placed.

I tried it three or four times, and every time I tried to switch it to another place, it frozen on me.

Finally, frustrated that this whole process was taking so long, I simply saved the document in another place, dragged it out, put it where it belonged, and that was that.

I have no idea why it is freezing up, but over the next weeks and months of using this, maybe I will figure it out.

But for all intents and purposes, this short, very brief, but very frustrating saga is over.

I feel whole again.

Classic Rant #209 (March 8, 2010): An Atrocity

My son and I went to our second, and last, Knicks game of the year at Madison Square Garden on Saturday night, March 6.

To say that the game was an atrocity was actually being kind.

I am willing to bet that in the long annals of history of Madison Square Garden, this would have to go down as one of the 10 worst games ever played at the venerable arena.

The Knicks lost to the lowly New Jersey Nets, 113-93. The Nets, that perpetually vagabond team that will be playing in Newark next season and hopes to someday play in Brooklyn, had won only six games the entire season before facing the Knicks.

Well, after the game, they had won their seventh game, and won it going away.

On Latino Night, the crowd booed the Knicks throughout the game, and you needn't have been bilingual to understand that the boos were derisive.

I mean, the Knicks stink.

At least I can say that we were at a game that set an NBA record. The Knicks missed 18 three-point shots, which is the new record.

And, oh yes, we also got some boxing and wrestling during the game, as to the right of us, there was a fight between some drunks.

No, there is never a dull moment at a Knicks game, even if the excitement is in the stands, and not on the court.

And even though management feels that they have the fans on their side in their long-winded trek to reserve salary space for at least one major superstar signing during the summer, they don't have as much support as they feel that they do.

Don't ask the corporate types in the lower regions of the Garden, who are only at the game to be seen and probably got their tickets as freebies; ask people like me who sat up in Section 415, because let's be honest about it, we're more honest; we're closer to God.

The Knicks are a fraud, and until the thinking changes about what to do to bring this team back to where it should be, it will remain a fraud.

I ask for the upteenth time: what happens if they don't sign Lebron James, Dwyane Wade, or any other major free agent?

Donnie Walsh, the GM who is way past his glory years in this game, and Mike D'Antoni, the coach who somehow got suckered into this deal, are the main culprits in this mess. Walsh even bought himself more time the other day when he said that the plans the Knicks have don't just end in 2010, they might have to stretch into 2011.

Of course, his, and D'Antoni's, contracts end in 2011, so they may be leaving here having accomplished nothing.

What my son and I and a house that was maybe three-quarters filled saw was what amounted to an expansion team, nothing more.

And they are already selling season tickets for the 2010-2011 season!

For shame, for shame.

Rant #1,556: The Presidential Medal of Freedom

It was announced during the past few days that Yogi Berra would be presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor.

He will join other luminaries such as Barbra Streisand, Stephen Sondheim, and Rep. Shirley Chisholm in gaining the honor this time around.

But there is a slight smatter of controversy with what Berra had to do to get this honor, versus the others who are getting the honor with him.

Well, not Yogi himself. Yogi didn't do a thing, other than being Yogi, the Hall of Fame baseball player, the World War II hero, and one of most popularly quoted resources in pop culture.

According to Lindsay Berra, his granddaughter, she had to launch a petition drive in his honor to even be considered for the award. And according to her, he was the only person so honored this year with the award who had to do so.

On Michael Kay's show yesterday on ESPN Radio, Berra said that people had brought it to her attention over the years that her father should be so honored, but until recently, nothing was done about it, because the thought was that the President himself--or at least his advisors--had to choose who they wanted to honor in this way, and her grandfather's name simply hadn't come up in conversation.

But then she did her due diligence, and discovered that others so honored in the past--including one of Yogi's contemporaries, Stan Musial--received his award only after a petition drive was launched to get him at least considered for the award.

Having this knowledge, she launched the drive earlier this year, when her grandfather was still alive, and it ended up registering more than 100,000 electronic signatures, more than enough for the White House to become interested.

And again, according to the younger Berra, he was the only one who had to go through this process to even gain consideration for the award from this year's recipients.

Some of these people you cannot argue with--Willie Mays being one--but the Estefans? James Taylor?

Although Lindsay Berra stayed away from comparing her grandfather to these others, she did say that she was kind of shocked that she had to go through this process with Yogi, when she saw the others who were named this year.

Some other interesting things came out of the interview, one being that President Obama is the most standoffish President of the past few when it comes to hosting athletes in the White House.

Champions are regularly welcomed by the President to the White House, and Michael Kay, who has attended a few of these gatherings as the TV voice of the Yankees, said that the second President Bush was the most welcoming, probably because he was a baseball man himself, a past executive with the Texas Rangers. He even had a framed picture of Nolan Ryan in his office at the White House.

President Clinton was also very welcoming, which probably reflected his Hollywood glitz personality in some way.

But Kay said that for whatever reason--and he said several times that he was not being political about this at all, and he did not want what he said to be miscontrued--President Obama has been the most standoffish to these athletes, not shaking all of their hands and looking to get the photo-op ceremony done because he was into methodical procedures. Each one of these things had a time limit, and Kay said that President Obama kept to the time limit more strictly than the other Presidents.

Whatever the case, Yogi Berra is finally going to be honored in a way that befits this true American hero, and for that, I think we can all agree, it has been a long time coming, but when his family gets the award--Lindsay, her father Larry, and uncles Tim and Dale--it will be worth the wait.

Classic Rant #208 (March 5, 2010): Monkee See, Monkee Do

Here is an instance where my two blogs kind of cross-over into one.

As many of you know, I also run The Colgems Blog, which can be found at http://colgems.blogspot.com/. For the uninitiated, this blog focuses on the classic Colgems Records label, which was part of the RCA family of labels in the 1960s and very early 1970s.

It had many notables acts at one time or another, including Quincy Jones, the Lewis and Clarke Expedition--featuring future country star Michael Martin Murphey--Sally Field (as the Flying Nun) and Rich Little among its quirky roster.

But the whole thing was possible because of its one real hit-making success, The Monkees. During 1966-1970, the Pre-Fab Four placed four number one albums, three number one singles, and bushelful of other hits on the charts through this label.

Anyway, the reason I am tying this blog and that blog together is that I want to comment on a non-Colgems release, although it involves the Monkees.

Rhino records owns the rights to the entire video and recording history of the band, and one could say that they have milked it for everything that it's worth over the past nearly two decades or so. They have put out Monkees music in every possible way imaginable--CDs, LPs, 45s, CD-Roms, DVD, karaoke, etc.--and there seems no stopping them from continuing to do this for the immediate future.

During the past few years, for real Monkee-maniacs (of which I am one), they have been putting out re-releases of the original albums. But these simply aren't straight re-releases. They come with numerous bonus tracks, in-studio experiments and chatter, different versions of songs, and gems that were never released originally on the Colgems label.

They are currently up to album No. 5, "The Birds, the Bees and the Monkees."

After a string of four straight No. 1 albums on Colgems, this album "only" reached No. 3. It features two of the group's biggest hits--"Daydream Believer" and "Valleri"-- as well as top 40 hit "Tapioca Tundra."

It is perhaps the most interesting album of the first five, because it features the best and the worst of the Monkees, on an album that, for all intents and purposes, signaled the end of Peter, Micky, Mike and Davy as musical forces to be reckoned with, at least within the Top 40.

But what Rhino did with this album is truly remarkable. They have included both the stereo and extremely hard-to-get mono versions of the album, plus an abundance of rare and unreleased tracks and early versions of songs that will have fans beaming.

The three-CDs come in an incredibly put-together box, with a 3D cover and a booklet with extensive information about the making of the original LP.

This is truly a glorious release, one that Monkees fans--as well as fans of 1960s pop--have been waiting for for a long, long time.

Sure, the price is kind of steep--$60 or so--but for this particular release, it is worth it.

No, it doesn't have everything from this period, but it has enough to whet the appetite for the next re-release, the soundtrack to the Monkees' lone film, "Head." As Monkeephiles know, there is an incredible melange of music, stories, and controversies about this film that could probably fill about 10 disks, but it is in Rhino's hands to fulfill every fan's wish to release as much as they can on this rerelease, one which we probably won't see for a few years.

But based on Rhino's past performance, we know that they can do it.

But in the meantime, search out all the re-releases, especially "The Birds, the Bees, and the Monkees." I can guarantee that you will not regret it.

Go to http://www.rhino.com/ to find out more.

Rant #1,555: No Scan Do

One of my best friends died yesterday, and I am not talking about a person.

My computer scanner broke. It does not work anymore.

I used a Hewlett-Packard flatbed scanner, and yes, I really cannot complain, because it is pretty old, maybe 14 or 15 years old.

But the photos that I put up here of picture sleeves and such, those were all taken with the scanner, including the two I have included as part of today's entry.

I scanned so many things with this machine, not just these sleeves ... old photos, bills, checks, important documents ... you name it, and it was scanned with this machine. 

I tried to use it yesterday night, and it would not scan anything.

I checked all the connections, and everything was right, but it simply would not work.

This was not one of those combination scanners and printers. This was simply a dedicated scanner, one that I used hundreds, if not thousands of times over the years.

My wife bought it for me years ago, and I think it even outlasted the store that she bought it in. I think she purchased it in the old Wiz electronics store, so maybe it is even older than I think it is.

Anyway, it broke down once before, and I got one of those combination printers and scanners.

I did not like the quality of print I was getting, but I was learning to live with it.

Then one day, I must have been bored, because I took the old scanner and looked at what was wrong with it.

Evidently, the belt somehow had turned and twisted, and thus, the scanner could not take a full image.

I opened the back of the machine, unfurled the belt, and Voila!, I fixed the thing.

I attached it to my computer, got rid of the printer/scanner, and I have now used this scanner for several years after I fixed it.

This time, I checked for the same thing, but it has nothing to do with anything being twisted.

It is done, and yes, it is like an old friend left me.

So what did I do?

I set out to find another one, an exact duplicate of what I had.

And on Amazon.com, I found exactly what I was looking for!

It was for a minimal price, I ordered it, and it should be here soon.

Good, because I need the thing again. I have plenty more things to scan.

I will just have to be patient.

So R.I.P. my old scanner, you did me well.

Onward and maybe not upward, but onward onto the same old thing.

Just the way I like it.