Rant #1,468: Ringo!

Through all the hubbub of the past week, let me wish a belated happy birthday to Richard Starkey, who turned 75 this week on July 7.

I think that most people in this world know that Richard Starkey is Ringo Starr.

I think they do, at least.

Anybody who ever went "yeah, yeah, yeah" to the rock and roll beat knows who Ringo Starr is.

Ringo was the drummer for the Beatles, the greatest rock group ever.

He kept the backbeat while his mates hammered out an incredible catalog of songs.

But Ringo also has a great catalog of songs, too.

Like bandmate George Harrison, his songwriting and singing talents were kind of muted by the incredible range of music motion that Paul McCartney and John Lennon possessed, but Ringo was no musical slouch, either.

If you were around back in 1970 and 1971, when the Beatles broke up, the great question was whether Ringo could survive as a solo artist. There was no doubt that Lennon and McCartney would be successful, and certainly Harrison would make it too, but heck, Ringo was nothing more than a drummer. He couldn't write songs, and he couldn't sing.

Well, starting in 1970, he proved everybody wrong, had a bushelful of hit records and LPs, and was recently named to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a solo artist, whatever that is worth.

But to paraphrase one of his biggest hits, it didn't come easy for him.

Yes, he acted in a few forgettable movies beyond his Beatles movie appearances, he and his wife, actress Barbara Bach, are recovering alcoholics, and his hitmaking career only lasted a few years, but Ringo is Ringo, and, taking a page out of yesterday's Rant, I think we can all agree that we all love Ringo.

So to Ringo Starr, who is a regular reader of this column (yup, in my dreams), happy birthday, and to paraphrase another of his hits, yes, yes, yes, we will always love this guy.

Speak to you again on Monday.

Classic Rant #120 (October 28, 2009): I Would Do Anything For World Series Tickets (Well, Almost Anything)

As a die-hard Yankees fan, I would love to be at Yankee Stadium for the first game of the 2009 World Series tonight.

But I don't have a ticket.

Nor do I know anyone who has an extra ticket.

In my case, I would love to take my family to the game. My daughter is away at school, so that means I need three tickets. I will even sit in nose-bleed seats; it doesn't really matter.

However slim my chances of getting World Series tickets, I won't stoop to the low that Susan Finkelstein dropped down to in her attempt to get tickets.

This die-hard Phillies fan allegedly offered sexual favors in order to score some tickets.

She posted on Craigslist--another site to hate for me--and said the following:

"Diehard Phillies fan — gorgeous tall buxom blonde — in desperate need of two World Series tickets. Price negotiable — I’m the creative type! Maybe we can help each other! S."

Well, a cop went undercover to find out just what she meant. He said he had one ticket, and that he knew another cop who had a ticket. The curvaceous blonde (well, at least according to her ad she is) said that if she could get his ticket, she would take care of him too.

The cop sprung into action, and arrested Finkelstein for prostitution.

By the way, I have relatives with the same last name, but this Finkelstein is not one of them.

Anyway, I still want tickets, but I am not a curvaceous blonde offering any gratuities in exchange for the tickets.

I just want tickets.

Is saying "Please" enough?

Rant #1,467: What We Can All Agree Upon

In a world where none of us seem to agree on anything, there must be some points that we all are in unison about.

But what are they?

We certainly don't agree on the South's stance on the Confederate flag; we don't agree on how to handle the illegal immigrant situation; and we certainly don't agree on the worthiness of our President or our Congress.

We more agree to disagree than to truly agree on anything.

Then what do we all agree on? There has to be something, or some things, that we agree upon.

I have let my fertile mind ponder this question, and I have come up with a few things that we all agree upon.

Here they are:

We all agree that we hate to pay our bills: Is there anyone in the world who enjoys paying their bills? Do we actually look forward to this exercise? Sure, we like to get things out of the way by paying our bills on time, but truthfully, does anybody enjoy actually paying for them?

I think we can also agree that we enjoy spending the money on many of these things--especially if they are entertainment-oriented--but do we really enjoy paying our bills? And that includes taxes, by the way.

We all agree that we have embraced the Internet: We can squawk about how it has taken over our lives--and certainly it has--but I think we can all agree that the Internet is simply the greatest invention since probably television.

Like television, it has really changed our lives, allowed us to have the world at our fingertips. Unlike television, it has allowed us to interact in real time on everything. And that is what really makes the Internet special, a curse and a blessing at the same time.

We all agree that we hate getting up in the morning to go to work: How can anyone like this exercise? We are like lab rats. Whether we use an alarm clock or just know when to get up, rising from a deep sleep to go to our jobs--even if we love our jobs--simply isn't something we enjoy doing.

That is why I think we would also agree that we love the weekend or our days off, because then we aren't on the work treadmill that day, and while we have things to do, we aren't governed by our jobs to the exact time that we must get up from bed and get ready for work.

We all agree that we are getting older: Well, from the day that you are born, you are getting older, but this one is really directed at the Baby Boomers. Where once we were the movers and shakers of the world, it is clearly obvious, we simply aren't anymore.

The world is a much different place now that we are out of the movers and shakers picture. Whether the world is now a better place is a matter that is always up for discussion, but I think we all agree that we, as a group, are getting older, physically, mentally and in years, and the world is changing around us. We have made the world a better place for those generations that have followed, but some say we have actually mucked up what has been left to them. That appears to be another topic open for discussion.

We all agree that--

You know, I simply cannot think about any more points that we all agree on. I have tapped myself out on this one.

Just four points unite us and can make us see eye to eye with each other. Just four!

But maybe that is all fine and good in the long run.

Why should we agree on everything?

If we did, this world would be a boring place, wouldn't it?

And come to think of it, that is another thing that we all can agree upon:

We all agree that the world is not a boring place, never has been, and never will be.

Classic Rant #119 (October 27, 2009): Baby Love, Not Baby Smarts

Oh, how I cringe when I see something that is pitched to parents to make their little toddlers into something that they aren't. Evidently, I am not alone in my cringing.

The New York Times reported Thursday that Disney is offering a refund to buyers of its “Baby Einstein” videos, which did not turn babies into little geniuses, as Disney claimed that it would.

In a letter threatening Disney with a class-action lawsuit for "deceptive advertising," public health lawyers hired by the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood cited a study which found a link between early television exposure and later problems with attention span.

Well, I don't know about that, but why do so many parents go out of their way to try to create their own little Frankenstein monsters?

Television is polluted with numerous ads (especially when there is time to fill on Sunday mornings) for videos and other devices to make babies smarter. Rather than let kids develop on their own, these things claim to make your kids smarter than the average kid--giving them the tools so they can think like a Harvard graduate at a few months old or begin reading Kafka before they can say "Mama."

Yes, I am pushing it a bit here, but the fact of the matter is that these devices are really nothing more than babysitting tools, so that mom and pop can do other things and not watch--or interact--with their toddler at certain times during the day.

A baby will absorb everything--even TV--to a certain extent, but these devices guarantee that your child will be smarter than the average kid who doesn't use these things.

Are today's parents so stupid that they buy into this? Why do little kids need to be able to read at a 12th grade level before they are fully toilet trained? I don't know. I guess the allure of being a "genius" really strikes these parents as an attribute that they want for their kids.

For me, give me your standard, spit-and-dirt-and-piss-and-poop little baby who will learn at his or her own speed. I had two of these types of kids, and they both have worked out fine.

Sure, we used the TV for entertainment purposes--my daughter loved "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" to the consternation of my ex-wife, who claimed our daughter would turn into a lesbian if she continued to watch the show (I kid you not--this is absolutely true, and is in the record at Family Court in Nassau County, New York!), and who has had a couple of boyfriends since, and my son was into Barney as a very small child--but that is all the TV was for, entertainment. And never did I plop my kids in front of the TV for many, many hours at a time.

I guess everyone is so busy today that they just do not have the time to play with their kids for hours on end. I know that I didn't have this luxury either, and the same can be said for my wife (not my ex, but the woman I will spend the rest of my life with, the mother of my son). But mixed in with the TV was playtime. I can't tell you how many hours I spent playing with my daughter's Turtle figures and playing with my son's wrestling figures when he got older. Sure, like most parents, there was only so much I could take--and I often reached my limit--but I did it as much as possible.

So to all of you parents who want little geniuses--just play with your kids, it's the smartest thing you can do for them.

Rant #1,466: How the Mighty Have Fallen

Wow!

First we get the latest Bill Cosby news, and now another icon, of another sort, has fallen off his pedestal.

Jared Fogle, the long-time spokesman for the Subway sandwich chain, was relieved of his duties on Tuesday as his home in suburban Indianapolis was raided, with his computers confiscated.

This one completely came out of the blue; what could the authorities have on Fogle?

I first heard about this mess on Monday, when it was alleged that an executive at Fogle's charitable foundation was supposedly involved in a child porn ring.

That being said, I can understand why they confiscated Fogle's computers. Perhaps some of this child porn, or other evidence, could be found on his computers and linked to this investigation.

Fogle is cooperating with the authorities on this situation, so why was he so quickly dismissed by the sandwich chain? What did he do wrong? Or is there something linking Fogle, himself, with the child porn ring?

There must be, because they got rid of him faster than he got rid of all of those pounds he shed eating Subway sandwiches, which led to this gig.

But this is America, and one is supposed guilty until proven innocent. Or is it the other way around?

I guess Subway figured you can't have their spokesman linked to such a heinous crime and remain as their No. 1 cheerleader.

We have seen numerous popular figures in our culture linked to sexcapades in recent times, such as Cosby, and now Fogle.

If all of these allegations are true about them, then they think with their bodies, not with their minds.

And their positions of power allow them to cover up their personal faults.

I am sure that the authorities will get to the bottom of this, but now Fogle is on the unemployment line, dumped before he was even proven guilty of anything.

I think the case against him is probably substantial, probably something we don't yet know about.

But Subway isn't waiting to hear more. Linking their brand with child porn is enough to send them scurrying, and I guess cutting ties with Fogle is their best defense at this moment in time.

But what happens if nothing is found on Fogle--does he get his job back, does he get an apology from Subway, is he able to carry on in this role with the chain even being linked to this subject?

Time will tell. Stay tuned.

Classic Rant #118 (October 26, 2009): It Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This (Again)

This was an extremely busy weekend for myself and my family.

We traveled to Oswego, New York, to visit my daughter who goes to college there. The trip there was horrid, because we hit rain at every turn ... and not just rain, but torrential downpours.

I saw my daughter, and she looked good. She is a senior, set to graduate next May, and she wants to be an elementary education teacher. I hope she can get a position, what with so many teaching positions being cut all over the country.

I saw her apartment, and was pleased with what I saw. She does not live on campus, and her apartment is pretty nice.

We settled down to watch the sixth game of the American League Championship Series on Saturday night, only to see that the game had been rained out. I was hoping that the rain that followed us had tagged along with us and moved away from the Bronx, but it was not meant to be.

So, back home on Sunday night (the trip was fine, the weather was great), I settled down to watch the sixth game, and was very pleased that slightly after midnight, the Yankees had won their 40th pennant, beating the pesky Angels 5-2. As I write this, I am pretty bleary eyed, but it was worth staying up and watching the whole thing (and watching the post-game celebration).

Now, it is on to the World Series, and this should be a good one. The Yankees and Phillies are very similar teams. They both have adequate pitching, and both rely on the long-ball. The matchups are terrific at every position, and the games should be a lot of fun to watch, even if you aren't a fan of either team.

During the game last night, Fox periodically flashed up the Giants' football game score. They ended up losing, but I know they were doing this as a "public service" for all of those poor, unfortunate souls who decided to vacate their Sunday night football fix for baseball. The Giants lost, and I grieve for them ...

RIGHT!

It's still baseball season, my friends, and until the last out is registered in the 2009 World Series, it will continue to be baseball season.

The Yankees in seven. I can't wait until Game One on Wednesday!

Other observations: In a post-game interview on the field, Fox baseball analyst Ken Rosenthal brought up some negatives from the Yankees past as he interviewed Derek Jeter. "You haven't been to the World Series since 2003 and you haven't won a World Series since 2000 ... ." Then Jeter remarked, "You would have to bring up all the negatives," and he looked agitated throughout the entire interview.

Jorge Posada was being interviewed by Kenny Albert in the champagne-soaked clubhouse. He was standing with his kids, and AJ Burnett was squirting him unmercifully with champagne while being interviewed. Posada turned to Burnett (off camera) in the middle of the interview and shouted, "AJ!" and then something in Spanish. I didn't know AJ Burnett knew Spanish, but I don't think you had to know the language to understand that Posada was really upset over his teammate's behavior.

Finally, New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg was standing with an assemblage as the various trophies were being passed out. Having no business being there in the first place--he is really a Boston Red Sox fan who really doesn't like baseball too much--he kept on getting on camera, shifting himself so he would be in full view of the camera. He was dying to get some air time, as he is running for mayor again and still is being criticized for running the city like an emperor and casting off the term-limits rule in his favor. Happily, Fox and Albert did not bite, and Bloomberg looked ridiculous as he sashayed into camera view.

Let's go Yankees!

Rant #1,465: Garbage Strewn All Around

Bill Cosby has proven to be a piece of garbage.

While entertaining people with his TV antics as one of our most popular comedians, he seemed to live a double life.

It seems that many times when performing on stage, or on TV, or in the movies, when the show was over, he lured young women into his web, and had relations with them.

All the lawsuits thrown his way lately would attest to the quite strong possibility that Cosby had sexual relations with these women, probably just about every one of them; however, the level of these relations--were they consensual or not--has raised eyebrows.

Now we hear that in 2005, in sworn testimony, Cosby admitted to having purchased now-banned quaaludes for the explicit purpose of using them to drug women--or, as he says, "a woman"-- he wanted to have relations with.

Look, many of these allegations against him date from the 1960s, so you really have to wonder why these women took no action if they actually were raped, or at least had relationships that were questionable.

And one also has to wonder about the women who claim that Cosby sexually assaulted them in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s and even into the 1990s. These women did nothing to get back at the comedian, and one has to think that they were so embarrassed that they fell for his allure that they pretty much sidestepped the incident that they participated in--until now, of course, when about two dozen women have come out with one allegation or another.

The possibility of money, honey, makes people stronger, I guess.

Look, it is quite obvious why the women did what they did.

He probably promised them fame and fortune--and that he would help their careers--if they came up to his room. Whatever happened happened, they did not find fame and fortune from him, and they stewed, sometimes for generations.

But now that Cosby's testimony has come out in the open, you really have to question both the comic and these women, and there really isn't anything funny about it.

I still stand by my original claim, made months ago, that probably most of these relationships were consensual. He got what he wanted, and the women thought they got what they wanted.

But now, admitting that be bought a drug for the express purpose of making some of these women--or as he says, "a woman"-- wobbly enough that they could not fight off his urges, brings this whole thing to another level.

And his side says that the woman agreed to take the quaaludes to get what she wanted from him.

He really is a piece of garbage, but most of these women missed a golden opportunity to have stopped this type of behavior early, and nipped it right in the bud, but they missed that opportunity simply by not telling the police about what happened.

They stayed mum, others were attacked, and the story appears not to have an ending that will lead to anything but more stories from more women about Cosby.

Whether I, personally, believe them or not really isn't important, but I have my doubts about some of them.

Others now have been fortified with the latest information.

And where was Cosby's wife during this whole deal?

Look, it is probably obvious now, after all the dirty laundry has come out, that they had an open marriage. She had to know that at least he was sleeping with other women, but might not have known the extent of what he may have done to lure these women to the bedroom.

But she has kept strangely silent during this entire nightmare.

I am sure that she has a lifestyle to uphold, a family to shelter from all of this nonsense, but you really have to wonder about her silence.

That being said, Cosby was a smooth talker on stage, and now we know that he was a smooth talker off-stage too.

Why so few women went to the authorities with what they knew still boggles the mind, even if these things happened in the 1960s and 1970s. You don't think that the authorities would have relished putting a high-level, very rich and powerful man--and a black man, to boot--in jail during those times?

Yes, I have to wonder about Cosby, and I have to wonder about the women.

He should be ashamed of himself, and to a certain level, so should they about themselves.

Yes, garbage strewn all around indeed.