Rant #1,455: I'm Back

Yes, I have returned home from the sea, back to write once again at the Ranting and Raving Blog.

It was an invigorating trip that my family and I had, and it was good to get away from this column for two weeks.

Honestly, I could use two weeks more.

Right now, my allergies are killing me--what else is new--which goes against what the sea air did for me, which was not give me the least bit of problems with my allergies.

We visited the Bahamas and Grand Turk on our trip, and the world moved on without us during our time away from home.

We had no Internet access, which to be quite honest with you, was a godsend.

Being on the Internet all the time really saps your strength. I enjoy the Internet and all, but it is so nice to get away from it for a spell, it really is.

So much happened while we were away, and while we did have a TV in our room--it was our window to the world during this period away--it did not interrupt our trip at all.

Today, I go back work, which is akin to me looking forward to getting some type of disease. I don't look forward to going back, but going back is something like death and taxes--everyone has to do it.

As far as what happened while my family and I were away ...

Yes, I know about the church shootings; yes, I know about the woman who resigned form her position at the NAACP because she claimed to be black but is actually caucasian.

I know the Yankees have been very up and very down, and I know the Warriors won the NBA championship, and that the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup.

 
But the vacation allowed me to get away from this stuff, and my main worry was to stay away from getting a bad sunburn, which I was only partially successful at, even with all the creams and sprays that I used.

It was fun, but now, it is time to get back to work both figuratively and literally.

I must get back to work to assure that my son is taken care of jobwise, which hit a major roadblock not of his own doing right before we left.

Supposedly, that has been taken care of now, but boy, is this thing frustrating. But my son will persevere.

One step forward, two steps back, what more can I say?

Once I actually physically get back to work, I will have many challenges ahead of me, including the knowledge that while I am valued at my job, it is not translating to a salary increase, and hasn't for a number of years.

But at 58 years of age, what can I do about it?

I have to say that the time away gave me a chance to reflect on my career a bit, and frankly, it ain't too pretty.

Honestly, I just grin and bear it. I have nowhere else to go, nobody is going to hire me at this age, and although I do enjoy my job, it is frustrating as heck to be spinning my wheels to a beat that is not my own. All the words of praise in the world cannot make up for money in your pocket, and if there was somewhere else to go, I would go there, but alas, I am as stuck at my job as tightly as sardines are packed in a can.

But at least I have a nice vacation to look back on, when I didn't have a single care in the world ... or at least, I put just about everything on the back burner.

But reality kicked in pretty quickly. The first night home, our living room air conditioner died, and our washing machine went off kilter and needed to be fixed for the umpteenth time.

Yes, reality came quickly, and I can only dream about the white sands of Half Moon Cay now.

I am as far away from those sands as I ever have been, but at least I can say that I was there.

And there will be other vacations to ponder, too, but right now, it is time to get back to work.

Let me peal in peace.

Classic Rant #107 (October 9, 2009): Chubbsy Ubbsy, You Might Say

Did anybody see the picture of the 19-lbs. baby that made the rounds a few weeks ago? I have posted one of the photos of this kid here that was in one of the local papers. Here, the baby is pictured next to a normal-sized child, and you can see just how huge this kid is.

I can’t imagine any baby being born at such a weight. I think my son and daughter were pretty normal in the weight area when they were born. I think my son was 7 lbs.-plus and my daughter was 8 lbs.-plus.

Both were good sizes for babies, but I just can’t imagine a woman giving birth to a 19-lbs. watermelon, with the pits.

The large baby’s mom had diabetes, which could have effected the child’s weight. Or it could have been some type of glandular problem, none of these or both of them.

All I know is that this kid is . And I feel for the mother, who must have been in great pain or at least discomfort while carrying this butterball fenormousor nine months.

Incredibly, there have been bigger babies born in the low 20-lbs variety.

How can the human body withstand such a large-sized baby? Will the mother feel aftereffects, even if she delivered with via a Caesarian Section?

And what will the child’s life be as he gets older? Will he continue to be the biggest one (in width) in his class, or will the child be normal in every way as it gets older?

The child was born in Indonesia. I don’t know what they think about heavy kids—and adults—there, but with our American societal obsession with slimness, would a kid like this be the object of taunts and finger pointing as the boy got older if he still retained such a mammoth weight?

We all knew the "fat boy" when we were kids, or at least saw the fat kid on TV. Remember Norman “Chubby” Chaney, the fat boy in the Little Rascals? Chaney actually died from his obesity as a teenager.

The “rounder” one always gets the laughs. Lou Costello, who was actually quite an athlete, chubbed up for his part in the comedy team of Abbott and Costello to help play off Bud Abbott’s thin physique.

And who could forget Oliver Hardy, who looked absolutely huge next to the paper-thin Stan Laurel?

I just hope that this kid can lead a normal life, and that his heaviness either dissipates over time or is not the object of any ridicule.

People can be pretty harsh about such things, but the fact of the matter is that so few people are really naturally thin that it boggles the mind why heavy-set people are made fun of like they are.

Rant #1,454: Off to Sea the World

Yes, it has finally come ... my family and I are going on vacation as of tomorrow.

I have to work today, unfortunately, but come 5:30 p.m. this afternoon, I will officially be on vacation.

I cannot tell you how much I need this vacation, so I won't belabor that point.

All I know is that we will be gone tomorrow, taking a cruise to various places in the Caribbean.

It should be fun, a respite from the usual nonsense that we go through every day back at home.

And no, the comely model who I have posted a picture of is not going with us, but she looks like she is having a lot of fun in the sand and by the water, and we hope to have as much fun as she appears to be having.

Finally, after all the preparation, saving, and gearing ourselves towards this date, the day is just about here.

Let me tell you, I will be counting the minutes until it is time to go.

But anyway, this column will be on vacation, too, until we return, so there will be no new columns until June 22, as I will not have any Internet contact while we are away.

So I hope your time goes well for you, and I will speak to you in about two weeks or so.

Happy vacation to me, and I will speak to you again soon.

Classic Rant #106 (October 8, 2009): Cell Phones Ringing Off the Hook

Do you hate cell phones as much as I do? Do they ring at the most inappropriate times, and are their users “in their own world” when using them, even when it is in a situation where serious injury can occur as a result of using this gadget?

Well, the latest episode wasn’t life or death, but it shows how ridiculous that people have become in regulating their cell phone usage.

A few weeks ago, during a preview performance of the Broadway play “A Steady Rain,” which starts high-profile actors Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman, an audience member’s cell phone rang, and then rang again.

Jackman stopped the play, went out of character and asked the audience, “Can somebody get that?” He then paced the stage until the ringing stopped—and he then went back into character as if nothing had happened.

Theatergoers are routinely reminded before a show begins to shut off their cell phones, or to put them on vibrate. However, there are some people who just won’t follow this request—and damn the actors and their fellow audience members when their phones ring.

I have been to movies, to school meetings and to other events where people simply have to interrupt the proceedings so that they can answer the phone. I have been in the supermarket where I have actually had to raise my voice in order to get by a shopper who is on their cell phone and has no idea that I want to pass them as they clog the aisle with their wagon.

At a Yom Kippur service that I attended a few weeks back, the rabbi asked those attending to shut off their phones—and to not put them on vibrate. The rabbi said that she has learned through trial and error that phones on vibrate continue to make discernible noise, and she didn’t want the holiest day on the Jewish calendar interrupted by these sounds.

And while driving, I can tell you numerous times when I had too-close encounters with other drivers who were talking on the phone and/or texting. And the funny thing is that when I give them the horn, they yell at me like I am at fault.

The dumbest thing I have seen with the phone is when people use their phones while on the subway or the railroad. I mean, this is not your personal phone booth, and I really have no interest in your conversation. But when you are in such close proximity to others using phones, you become part of the interchange between the one with the phone and the one on the other end, whether you like it or not. It’s eavesdropping even when you don’t intend to eavesdrop.

Sure, I have a phone, but it doesn’t have the gizmos and gadgets attached to it like most phones do. It is for calling, nothing else, and I only use it when necessary. In fact, I don’t even know the last time I used my phone. Heck, I don’t even know the phone number by heart.

Phones got out of hand when manufacturers added all the gizmos and gadgets to them. If they were just phones, I don't think we would have the rate of misuse that we have now with these phones.

While I don’t back any government regulation when it comes to these phones, I think that personal common sense is necessary when using them. If you were in a conversation with someone, wouldn’t you consider it bad manners to be interrupted by a phone call?

And why do you want to talk on the phone when you have spent God knows how much for a Broadway theater ticket?

Maybe these people have money to burn. I know that I don’t. And I also don’t have much patience for people who think that the phone is somehow part of their body.

And those phones that fit on your ear—I guess everyone wants to be Uhura from "Star Trek"—everyone but me. I long for the days when phones were at home and in phone booths and that was about it.

In New York, Sen. Charles Schumer has sponsored legislation that would require states to pass laws banning texting while driving. If states do not comply, they lose 25 percent of their federal highway funding. Texting is already banned in many places in this country, but people still do it anyway. Others have proposed that automakers come up with cars that do not allow phones to be used at all while the car is moving.

Our worldwide fascination with these phones have become obsessions, and that is not a good call on whatever end of the line you are on. And a solution is needed, and let's put that on quick-dial.

Rant #1,453: The Most Beautiful Girl In the World

So many people say "Thank God It's Friday," to signify the last day of the work week.

I never understood this.

Shouldn't they really be saying "Thank God It's Saturday," signifying that the work week has ended?

Why are we celebrating the final day of the work week rather than the first day of the weekend?

And of course, that's for people who don't work on the weekend.

You can't say either one for them.

Anyway, today is Friday, but I do want to focus on Saturday.

Saturday, June 6, is my 22nd wedding anniversary.

I find that so hard to believe, and I do believe that the years have gone very, very quickly.

And I also truly believe that I married the most beautiful girl in the world. I really do believe that.

I also believe that I am the luckiest guy on the face of the earth to have met her and married her.

And I don't mind bragging about it.

My wife met me at probably the lowest point in my life--not only was I going through a horrid divorce, but I had just lost my job. I was a real estate writer at the time, and the market was just entering into its depression in the northeast in the very early 1990s.

I literally had just been laid off when I met this woman on a blind date, set up by an agency that I joined because I decided that I wasn't going to let my impending divorce get me down.

I saw her in the distance, and boy, did she look good. She still does.

We met, spoke for hours, and the rest is history.

She has told me in the intervening years that she knew she was going to marry me on that first date.

Me, I was slower to catch on, but I knew that there was something about this girl that I liked, whether it was her intelligence, her background--she was from Queens, New York, too, just like me, and just like me, had moved to Long Island some years before--and certainly her looks.

And about her looks ... I know I have said this before, but in our first phone conversation, she said she looked something like Adrienne Barbeau of "Maude" fame.

Heck, the only reason--or reasons, I am sure the guys get it--that I watched that show was to see Barbeau, and when this girl told me she looked like her, well, I knew I had hit the jackpot.

And yes, she resembled her a bit, and yes, from head to toe and everything in between.

Anyway, here we are 22 years later. I look my age, my wife looks like she is in her 30s. She keeps herself in tip top shape, and I think she looks better than ever.

Yes, we are both older, but heck, this woman looks better every day. How can that be?

Whatever the case, we have a strong marriage, and I simply have to pinch myself to believe that I am in such a union--I honestly thought I would never marry again after the first debacle I had, but I never, ever compare the two marriages--they are like night and day, apples and oranges, two different things that have nothing at all to do with one another.

Again, I salute my wife in all of this. She bore me a great son to go along with my great daughter, she is solid as a rock, she is the ultimate love of my life.

So Elena, happy anniversary. You are the greatest person in the world, and I love you dearly.

Let's go out and celebrate this weekend!

Thank God it's almost Saturday!

Speak to you again on Monday.

Classic Rant #105 (October 7, 2009): It’s Baseball Season!

I love baseball. I find it to be exciting, exhilarating, and frustrating, all at the same time. I was a lousy player—although I did play in my community’s Little League until I was 15—but I am a great fan.

And the Twins-Tigers’ 163rd game proves that baseball remains our National Pastime.

Even after a grueling six-month, 162-game schedule, two teams were tied with the exact same record in their division, the Central Division of the American League. Thus, an extra game had to be played.

The stakes: the winner goes into the playoffs against the Yankees; the loser goes home.

What the Twins and Tigers gave us was probably the best overall game of the regular season, a 12-inning, four-and-a-half hour affair that had more thrills and spills than a rollercoaster ride. The Twins won 6-5, on a hit by Alexi Casilla (pictured), but the real winners were the fans--both in attendance and those who watched at home--who couldn't have asked for a more breathtaking game to end the regular season and send Major League Baseball into the playoffs leading up to the World Series.

As an added bonus, the game was a late-afternoon game, which is great. Kids could watch the game on TBS without fear that they will fall asleep and not be ready for school the next day.

Personally, I came home from work and saw playoff-level baseball without having to look at the clock.

I guess my interest in the game was heightened by the fact that the Twins will now face the Yankees in the American League Divisional Series, but the Tigers and Twins are two gritty teams that are fun to watch, and they did not disappoint anyone during this game.

What made it even more fun is that the game was played at the Metrodome, that Minnesota mistake that seemingly always plays into the hands of the home team. The Twins will be playing in a new baseball-only outdoor stadium next year, but for now, the frenzy of this place sends shivers down your spine, even while watching in the comfort of your living room.

Sure, the NFL will be going into its fifth week, the NHL has just started its season with the NBA will be coming in right behind it, and the collge football season is in full swing, but it doesn't really matter. Until the final out of the World Series is recorded, this is still baseball season.

Three playoff games on tap today ... I mean, it doesn't get better than this!

Rant #1,452: At the Maul

I am sure that you have all heard about the American woman, from upstate New York, who was mauled by a lion at a lion safari park in South Africa.

Evidently, she and her guide opened up the windows of their car to get better photos of the lions.

Little did they know that a lion was a few feet away.

The lion, feeling that its turf was being intruded upon, lunged at the open window, and gored the woman to death.

Her guide tried to fend off the attack, but he, too, was injured, and the last reports I heard is that he also had a heart attack. He will survive, but not without this horrible memory to live with for the rest of his life.

Anyway, what makes this incident even more puzzling is that the woman was an animal rights activist, particularly focused on the rights of lions living in captivity.

Why did she open her window to take pictures? Of all people, she should have known the dangers of doing that in a lion safari.

I do have some type of feeling for the family at their loss, but c'mon, this woman was a clear fool for thinking that she was safe in opening up a window in such an environment.

Years ago, I went to one of these safaris, I forget if it was in New Jersey or in Florida.

People are told, and implored to, not open their windows in any case whatsoever. Even if your car breaks down, help will be on the way, but windows are never--and I repeat, NEVER--to be opened.

There were signs saying the same thing at this lion park in South Africa, yet the woman decided to take fate into her own hands and open the window.

And she lost.

Lions are very territorial creatures, from what I have heard. If they feel that their space is being compromised, they can go into attack mode.

These are not the pussy cats many people love. These are animals that can rip you limb from limb, and that is evidently what happened here.

And for a woman as learned as she was about lions and their habits ... I just don't get it.

A momentary lapse of reason led to a lifetime of questions for her family.

And people criticized the park for keeping open even after the death. The lion in question was put in a solitary area, but will not be put down.

Why criticize the park? They followed the rules, the rules were clearly posted and spoken about with the woman and her guide, yet they decided to take their lives into their own hands.

It is their problem, not the park's problem.

I am sure her family will probably launch some type of investigation and/or lawsuit, but I hate to say it, they don't deserve any monetary compensation.

The woman just did a stupid thing, and paid for it with her life.

My thought is that parks like this should actually provide the motor vehicle used to go through them, and not have people use their own cars to do this.

This way, the vehicle's windows would be permanently shut, people wouldn't have to worry about their cars being damaged by the animals, and everything would be under the control of the sanctuary.

Whatever the case, a woman needlessly lost her life because of her own stupidity, and it was such a needless death that it is hard to understand what was going through her mind when she decided to open the car window.

You have to wonder about people, you really do ...