Rant #3,830: Let's Work

Retired.

Something I am not, and I'm afraid, something that I will never be--

But something I still aspire to, even though i know it isn't happening.

If I fully retired. I just don't know if I could exist on Social Security alone, and I do believe my family would suffer, too. 

It is not an option for me.

I truly wish it was.

Pretty regularly, i have nightmares which I believe are directly tied into not being retired.

This is almost going to sound comical, but more often than not, these dreams feature me without pants and without my car.

I can't explain it.

When i first lost my job, I thought these nightmares were directly related to that unfortunate situation--

Me not wearing "the pants in the family" anymore, and no car, so no mode or avenue to get another position.

But the dreams have persisted through losing my job to the current time, where I am semi-retired, but I wish I could just give it all up and be fully retired.

However, I cannot look a gift horse in the mouth.

I am darn lucky to have this remote editing/writing position that I have, and without it, I would be a goner.

I just wish that when I lost my final full-time position, I could have done it on my own terms, and be actually retired.

As it is, I kind of have one foot in "retired" and the other foot in "still working," and it doesn't sit well with me.

I think this continuing nightmare vividly reflects that.

I know that there is nothing i can do about it, and i also know that I should be careful what I wish for.

Both my father and his father--my paternal grandfather--worked well into their 80s. My maternal grandfather, after a long career with the post office, worked at an Army/Navy store through his 60s and very early 70s up until his passing.

I guess that the fruit isnt falling far from the tree for me, because I cannot envision ever not working.

But at least I have hope that when my son's retirement time comes decades from now, he can actually be fully retired.

I probably won't be around for that, but i just hope that he can do it, mentally, physically, emotionally, and, of course, financially.

Me, I have to get to the grind again.

"Work, work work--

"Idle hands are the devil's playground."