Rant #2,398: Bad Haircut

I can't remember the last time I had a haircut.

I think my son and I went to get last, respective haircuts about six weeks ago, maybe even seven weeks ago.

We go to a local place that has about a dozen barbers, and we are in and out of there in about 10 minutes.

We each get a "No. 2," which I am not fully sure of the exact definition, but in the old days, it used to be known as a "regular" haircut.

Me, I have no hair on top, so honestly, at this point in time, a "No. 2" actually means "make me presentable until I have to come back in a few weeks."

For my son, still with a full head of hair at 24 years of age, it means "make me look good."

Quite a difference.

But with this coronavirus pandemic we are in, all of the barber shops in New York State have been shut down for weeks, and right now, my son and I need a haircut really badly.

Me, I do the best I can, but if this goes on any longer, I will begin to resemble Paul Simon in the early 1970s, hence the photo at the top of this blog entry. Someone put up a similar photo on Facebook the other day, and while I cannot find that exact photo, I think that the one I put up is a good replacement, showing the singer/songwriter on "Sesame Street" in the early 1970s.

Yes, I am beginning to resemble what Paul Simon nearly 50 years ago. That is not a good thing for my ego or my psyche, and boy, I just wish I had his talent, not his haircut.

And yes, I have been shaving my face, but not at the same pace that I did when I was working. I used to shave on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, but now, I only shave on Sunday and Thursday. But I do it with regularity if not with verve, so yes, I did shave this morning.

I have seen advertised these do-it-yourself hair-cutting devices, which look just so easy to use on yourself, as it slices through your hair like a hot knife goes through butter. But again, I don't have any hair on top and while my sides are out of control, I don't know if I could regulate both sides to match each other if I cut my own hair.

At least now, I am even on each side; I don't want to cut it myself, and then appear to be lopsided.

And through all of this talk, I haven't even mentioned my neck, which has become a virtual forest of hair, growth that I wish was on the top of my head.

As I look at this hairy situation, I have three options:

1) Just let it grow, grow and grow some more, and be the first on line, with my son, when the barber shops open again; or,

2) I can get one of those do-it-yourself gizmos and, well, do it myself to the best of my ability; or

3) I can travel 1,000 miles to Georgia, where I know I can get a haircut, since the state appears to be open for business.

... and don't think I haven't thought about the third scenario, even just fleetingly.

Yes, it is a bad and hairy situation, and there appears to be no way to resolve this any time soon.

The last time I had longer hair was in high school, when it was the norm to let your hair grow out, so we are talking about the early to mid 1970s. I let my hair grow, and when I was able to finally grow sideburns, I let them grow, too, but by the time high school gave way to college, I went back to the shorter look, and have stayed that way for the past 40-plus years.

Now I am faced with a dilemma; the 1970s aren't even "in" anymore--the 1990s are hot right now--but I might have to harken back to my high school haircut days if the barber shops do not open soon.

No, I won't look for my bell bottoms or puka shells just yet, but in 2020, at least for me, the 1970s are not far behind.

Paul Simon, I am coming to get you--

Tell that to Mrs. Robinson or to me and Julio down by the schoolyard ... .